“This is a mistake. Thank you for saving me from an asshole again; it seems you are always there just when I need you most. But I must leave now. I just can't do this.”
“Princess,” I breathed, my heart sinking all the way to my heavy boots.
“Please don’t stop me. It’s best this way.” She stood on her toes and planted a soft kiss on my cheek. Then she turned and walked away. The elevator doors were still open, so she walked straight in and pushed the button. Her words had frozen me to the spot.
Please don’t stop me. It’s best this way.
How could I disrespect her wish? Fuck. What the hell was I supposed to do? Watch her walk away?
Before I could move or say anything the doors closed. The sadness in her eyes was the last thing I saw. Fuck. Did that mean she didn't love me anymore?
Yes, our worlds were completely different.
Yes, they had collided—badly.
Yes, we were up against the worst kind of odds—our very own families—who were tearing us apart. Not to mention my own special brand of stupidity.
Fuck that shit.
It was time for Ryder Knox to fight for what he truly wanted. To fight for love, and happiness. To the very fucking end.
If Jade didn't love me anymore, I wanted to hear her say those words directly to me. I was done with the fear of losing her driving me to deny myself what my heart desired most. Why the hell did humans do that to themselves? Christ, I was my own worst fucking enemy.
It took me another ten seconds to mobilize myself. I flew down the stairs, two at a time. I had to stop her. I had to fight for her.
She was my woman, and she was worth fighting for.
Hell yeah.
I reached the bottom of the stairs and darted toward the elevator. Empty. Fuck.
Frantic, I ran around the lobby, trying to find where she’d gone. There was no time to waste. I needed to stop her, to tell her how much I loved her, even if she didn't love me, so that she could know she owned my heart . . . and my soul.
What she did with that knowledge would be up to her.
Out on the sidewalk, there was nothing but the normal city buzz. My throat tightened when I noticed the cab further down pulling away from the curb. There was nothing I could do. By the time I got to my bike, she’d be far away. I didn't even know where she’d go to. Mia had mentioned in passing that she’d moved out of her parent’s home.
I stood there, my heart shredded. Yeah, typical. Just when I’d thought things were looking up, they turned to shit. Why did it always fucking happen to me? I ran my fingers through my hair, suddenly tired as fuck. I was wiped out from the long journey I’d just returned from days ago. Wiped out from lack of sleep and worry. Wiped out that I'd lost the one thing that mattered to me most in life.
I’d lost everything, because Jade was all that I ever wanted. She made me whole.
Chapter 32 ~ Ryder
I had finally come to the darkest night in my life. Everything had collided and combusted; only embers were left burning.
Deflated, and tired to the bone, I remembered that in my mad dash to get to Jade, I'd left the guest room door wide open. Depleted, I shook my head and decided to get back up there and sleep off my fatigue, so that I’d be ready to make new plans in the morning. I knew that everything that seemed insurmountable in the darkness of the night somehow wouldn't appear as big an obstacle in the daylight.
Too shattered to care about anything, I rode the elevator back up to the third floor. It’d be too hard to even find my way back to the compound, so I was staying the night. I closed the door. The room was dark, but I couldn’t be bothered to find the light switch.
I pulled my boots off my feet at the entrance and threw them into the corner, and went in search of the bed. I needed to sleep. An exhaustion had come over me, like I'd never felt before. I simply couldn’t care about anything now that Jade had walked out of my life.
“Ryder?” Her voice floated softly across the quiet darkness.
Fuck. Now I was hallucinating. And I hadn’t touched a drop of booze or any substance, which meant that I was in a worse shape than I’d imagined. My eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness, I stumbled against what I presumed was the bed. I needed to lie down and close my fucking eyes.
I fell onto the bed, face first, arms stretched out.
“Ryder!” Her voice was louder; it sounded so fucking real I could scream. Princess was tormenting me, fucking with my mind. At this rate it would be impossible to fall asleep if I kept hearing her voice.
A soft hand on my shoulder made me jump. Fuck!
Never having believed in ghosts, I grabbed blindly in the direction of the voice, only to hear her laugh softly. I was definitely losing my mind. Jesus fucking Christ.
“You’re crazy,” the sweet voice whispered. Fuck, I couldn’t agree more. I was positively certifiable.
Her soft curves pressed into my hard body. I could even smell her. If this was indeed a dream, I didn't want to wake up. Ever.
“Go to sleep, baby, you’re so tired. Just go to sleep,” she whispered as she stroked my hair. Somewhere between consciousness and sleep, I knew this was real.
So this is what an out-of-body experience feels like.
She was here. I didn't know why or how. She was holding me, caressing me.
Loving me.
I was home.
I woke in the middle of the night with my body curled around Jade’s softness. At first I thought it was all part of the dream I’d had earlier. I stroked her hair, and kissed her neck. She moaned softly in her sleep.
She was fucking real.
We were both fully clothed, but it was good to just hold her. I had no idea that I could feel so much at peace by just having my woman in my arms.
Now that I’d had some sleep, I was feeling better. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and I could see Jade’s beautiful face in the light of the moon, her long lashes sweeping across her cheeks and her lips curved into a semi-smile even as she slept.
She stirred against me, opening her eyes, she looked straight at me. We stared in wonder at one another. Yes, we needed to talk, but right now, words were not needed. Even though we both understood just how difficult our lives could become if we chose to do this, we had to decide if it was what we really wanted—and then just go for it. Together. There was no other way.
Without a doubt, I was in. One hundred percent.
Chapter 33 ~ Jade
Ryder was staring at me in a way he’d never looked at me before. Usually his eyes were filled with lust, but now there was something different there. He let me look deep into his soul. Up until tonight he’d been pretty guarded, and he’d always kept his eyes hooded, to prevent anyone from seeing in. It was a protection mechanism that I’d seen Harrison use too, so I was very aware of it. It was simply their way of hiding their pain to the rest of the world.
Letting me see into his soul was a big deal for Ryder. He was so used to acting tough and ruthless all the time, never wanting to show weakness in case it was used against him, that it must have become a hard habit to break.
Maybe it was because he felt safe and loved that he was now willing to open up to me. It made me love him even more, knowing how hard it was for him to do.
“Hi,” I whispered into the dark. We were the only two people here, yet it felt wrong to speak loudly. It would break the magic of the moment.
“You came back. You didn't run.” Ryder’s voice was filled with wonder. Reverence even.
I nodded, a big lump in my throat. He kissed my forehead, softly, gently.