I wanted to escape him for a while to regroup and reconsider all the reasons I needed to avoid him because, at the moment, I couldn’t think of any.
“Maybe we should head back.” As soon as I said it, I realized my mistake. He would have to carry me. There was no escape.
He scooped me up in his arms and settled me next to his chest. Before he started running, he met my gaze.
“Haven’t you figured it out yet? You don’t need to run from me. I’m willing to be whatever you need. Even patient.”
He ran, and I held on.
We stopped by the lake on the way back and picked some vegetables for a stew to go with the four rabbits Thomas said Gregory and Mary had waiting. I was ready to run the rest of the way but he insisted on carrying me again. All the constant, little brushes of skin here and there caused a long lasting blush.
When we finally entered the yard, I sighed with relief.
“I only meant to keep you company,” Thomas said softly as he set me to my feet.
“You did. I’ll just bring these in,” I said about the carrots, onions, and parsnips held in the bottom of my shirt. I turned and fled inside.
I felt guilty over my agitation. I wasn’t annoyed with him. I was annoyed with myself. I didn’t like being bitten, yet I couldn’t help feeling attracted to Thomas. What kind of mixed signals was I sending him? Plus, Claiming wouldn’t even work on me. What would happen when families started showing up with young girls like me? One was bound to pique Thomas’ interest. And where would I be? Standing in a corner with a broken heart.
I needed to keep myself busy. If Mary couldn’t spend time with me, I needed to seek out Ann. Hopefully, the families would start coming soon.
* * * *
Something heavy pressed me down into the mattress. It wasn’t a sudden weight that woke me but one of which I slowly became aware as I struggled to breathe. It pinned my torso and legs. I opened my eyes and blinked, trying to see in the dim light. A familiar ear and dark wavy hair swam into focus. His slow and steady breath warmed my neck.
What did he think he was doing? Sleeping in my room with permission to protect me was one thing, but in my bed—no, not even in my bed but on me—that was something else. I frowned and tried to wiggle free. He didn’t budge, didn’t twitch. His breathing remained uninterrupted.
His chest pinned my left arm but not my right. I grabbed his shoulder and pushed. No reaction.
“Thomas,” I whispered. “Wake up.” His breathing didn’t change in the slightest.
What was his deal? I’d never seen him sleep this hard before. I paused and realized I’d never seen him sleep. The times he was with me, he was always awake before I woke. That just meant he slept less, didn’t it?
I pulled in another breath.
“Thomas,” I said right in his ear. Nothing.
I hesitated calling out for help. Mary and Gregory were in the room right next to us, the room her Dad and Uncle had used. They would hear. But did I really want them coming in here? Thomas was heavy but not really hurting me. Yet. I didn’t know how much longer I’d be able to stand his weight, though. Since he wasn’t doing more than sleeping, it didn’t feel right using my will either.
“Now what?” I whispered into the dark.
I turned my head slightly. My mouth was right next to his ear. He’d once told me he’d like it if I bit him. I grinned in the dark a moment before I nipped the firm shell of his undamaged ear.
His breathing stopped. He didn’t move. I held my own breath, waiting for his reaction. What I felt pressed against my side was enough to send me into a panic.
“Please tell me you’re awake and in control of yourself,” I said, lightly in his ear. The warble in my words gave away my worry.
“Barely.” The one rough word made me shiver.
“Barely awake or barely in control?”
“Both.”
He turned his head, and his lips skimmed my ear. My heart hammered against my squished ribs. My right hand still gripped his shoulder.
“Thomas, I can’t breathe.”
“I have the same problem when I’m this close to you.” His tongue traced my ear.
I wanted him to stop and to keep going. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and pull him closer as much as I wanted to push him away and drag in a deep, cleansing breath.
My need for air won.
“No, Thomas. You’re too heavy. I can’t breathe right.”
His weight immediately lifted, but he didn’t leave me. His tongue continued to explore the outer shell of my ear as his arms braced his weight.
I pulled in a much needed lungful of air, and he shifted his attention to my jaw. Little kisses scorched a path to my chin, then he claimed my lips.
I sighed and gave into the urge to wrap my arms around him. His tongue traced my lips. My skin felt hot and tight, and I didn’t know what to do other than to surrender to the sensations. He tilted his head and nipped at my lower lip. I opened my mouth slightly. He growled and traced my lips with his tongue again before dipping it into my mouth. I trembled and tightened my hold. I touched my tongue to his. He shuddered, and his hips settled onto mine, breaking the spell with another surge of panic.
Turning my head, I gasped and pushed at his shoulders.
“Stop.” It was begging, but I didn’t care.
He groaned and immediately pulled back. He didn’t leave me, just gave me room to breathe once more.
“Please, Thomas. I need you to go.”
“I can’t.” His words tickled my ear.
“You can, but don’t want to. Please,” I said again.
“One more bite,” he said. I wasn’t the only one begging tonight.
“You promised. Never again.”
“Not me. You. Bite me one more time.”
I turned my head to look up at him. In the dark, I couldn’t see much. Just the shadows of his face and the slight glow of his eyes.
“You were starting to hurt me,” I said. “I’m sorry I bit you but you wouldn’t wake up.”
“I didn’t mean to sleep on you or scare you. I’ll go back to my spot by the door. Just one more bite, Charlene.”
My remaining naivety was precious to me. Life’s hard choices had opened my eyes to much many girls my age didn’t yet have to deal with. I was afraid giving into his request would open my eyes to one of the few remaining mysteries in my life.
“No. I’m not ready for that.”
He growled in frustration and dropped his head to my shoulder.
“Thomas...you should go.”
“I should,” he agreed. “But I can’t get past this feeling...this rejection. When I’m not with you, it feels as if there’s a hole in my chest, and when you’re close enough to touch, my hand tingles until it hurts. I’ve been waiting for you to show any sign you feel a tenth of what I do, but you don’t. Your disregard just makes the hole in my chest grow larger, emptier. I’m lost, drowning on feelings I don’t understand and losing to instincts that don’t work with you. I can’t sleep. I don’t taste what I eat. And every time I breathe in, your scent torments me. Everything I want is right here, yet I have nothing.”
His words stunned me.
“Charlene, please, give me something.”
How could I not after that?
“Do you promise not to take more than I’m willing to give?”
His weight shifted. His hands clasped my arms, and suddenly, he was under me, and I was sitting on his stomach.
“I swear, nothing more than you give.”
His hands fell to my knees, the open palms warming my skin as he looked up at me. My pulse thrummed rapidly as I blinked down at him. My stomach twisted. Could I? Should I?