The others had returned and sat in our recently abandoned seats. Seeing Luke sitting there calmly, his eyes meeting Gabby’s in some sort of silent communication hurt me even as those stupid crazy butterflies took flight in my stomach.
“If you’re feeling tired,” Emmitt said softly, “you could take this back to your room.”
I stopped walking and turned to him, meeting his eyes. “I’m not really tired as much as I just want to be alone for a while,” I said honestly, knowing that Luke could hear me. “So going back to my room sounds great. Would you come get me when something interesting happens?”
He nodded and turned to lead the way back.
* * * *
After Emmitt and Michelle left me in my apartment, I sat on the couch and shoved in a forkful of pumpkin pie. Still warm. I sighed and took another bite. I missed my mom. She made great pumpkin pie when we got together with her side of the family. Cousins, aunts, uncles, my grandpa. I wondered if she was with them. I hoped she was. So many times I lost the ones I loved. In a way, it helped me now. I still hurt for my mother in this life but also had a numb sort of protection from the hurt. Like scar tissue.
“So you want to be alone, huh?” Luke said as he let himself in and softly closed the door. “A bit rude, don’t you think?”
“No more rude than you running off in a drama queen fit so ‘Little One’ follows you,” I said.
He walked around the couch so he stood before me. His expression was slightly amused. “You’re jealous.”
I wanted to throw my fork at him. “No kidding. Look, either want me or don’t, but stop playing the middle ground. I’m tired of waiting for you.” That wiped the humor from his expression.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I had to suffer through a dream where I was drowned as a baby. If you would have let me Claim you, I'd have more control over the dreams. If you would have stayed by me, I wouldn’t have dreamed that at all.” Well, maybe not, but he didn’t need to know that.
“Bethi, I’m sorry about leaving you. The Elders had questions and wouldn’t be ignored.”
“I won’t be ignored, Luke. Decide.”
“There’s no decision. We are meant to be together. We just need to be patient for a little while longer. When you turn eighteen—”
“Just stop,” I yelled. “Do you hear yourself? Do you even know what you’re saying?” I lowered my voice in an imitation of him. “‘Bethi, I want to be with you, but first I need you to suffer for three more months. Being killed another ninety times—minimum—isn’t asking too much so I can feel virtuous when I allow you to Claim me.”
He bent down in front of me and plucked the plate from my hands. “Bethi, I swear. I will not leave you again. I won’t allow you to suffer another death,” he said softly brushing the loose hair back from my face.
“I already suffered one too many,” I said, standing. “If you add up all the years I’ve lived across all my lives, I celebrated my one thousandth birthday a couple decades ago. You’re not cradle robbing, you’re grave robbing. Think on that.”
He sighed and stood, too. We stayed like that for a moment. Me glaring and him skimming my face with an increasingly tender look. He stepped close and brushed his finger over my face, tracing my right eyebrow and then feathering into my hair.
“You have the most amazing eyes,” he whispered.
“I’ve heard that before,” I answered struggling against the hope building in my chest.
He leaned in and my heart started to hammer. The last time he kissed me he said it wouldn’t happen again. Did it mean he’d actually heard me? Had he changed his mind? My breath caught as I waited for him to close the last inch between us.
“I will do anything for you,” he continued. “Even wait.” He turned his head and kissed my cheek—my flip’n cheek.
I started shaking. “Get out. Before I hurt myself trying to hit you.”
He sighed and backed away. “Bethi—”
“No. No more. Go.” I turned my head away unable to look at him.
Stupid idiot.
He left the room. I slumped back into my seat, picked up the plate of dessert he’d taken from me, and gorged myself. Pie, good. Luke, bad.
After the last bite, I settled back with a groan. It felt horrible, in a good way, to be so full again; and it put me in a thoughtful mood.
Once Joshua was here, and we eliminated the threat of further information leaking to the Urbat, we could plan our next steps. Until then, I knew Gabby was watching for a sneak attack. I wished I could talk to her about it but couldn’t risk raising the suspicion of the Elders by sneaking into the padded room for a private conversation. That meant being patient and waiting. Just like Luke asked me to.
Screw waiting and screw Luke. I went to my room and strapped on the sheath and knife. I hated waiting, and I hated feeling so defenseless physically and mentally. I knew Claiming wasn’t necessarily permanent. I wanted Luke despite his pigheaded hesitation. But maybe I could find someone willing to let me Claim him, until Luke was ready. I could care less who I bit. I just wanted the dreaming to stop. At least, the death dreams. And, those would once I Claimed someone. They had in the past. The other dreams were fine, and I could still learn from them.
I left the room and made my way to the commons. On the way there, I heard a lot of laughing and noise coming from another apartment. The door stood open. Inside, Michelle watched as two young boys wrestled with teens just a bit older than me.
“Paul, cheated,” one cried.
“Did not,” the other little boy shouted back.
“Liam. Aden. If you two are going to fight about this, then play time with Paul and Henry is done,” Michelle said.
There was a bunch of whining as the teens stood. I stepped back and waited for them to leave. They noticed me after they closed the door. I smiled. Either would do nicely.
* * * *
Paul sat across from me looking nervous, his gaze darting around the room. Henry had fled as soon as I explained the favor I needed.
“He’ll kill me just to have you back.”
“It won’t come to that,” I promised.
“Yes, it will. You don’t know our ways. He’ll challenge me to the death. I really want to help you, but I won’t have a chance.”
“Please,” I begged. As a Judgement I knew I held a certain level of attraction for all of them. Why was this so hard then? Technically, I’d been rejected three times now, counting Luke as a single rejection. Maybe I needed to stand up on one of the tables and start shouting it out. Take me...I’m yours.
A dream started tugging at me.
“If there wasn’t anyone else interested in you, I would agree,” he promised me. “But if he doesn’t kill me, my mom will.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I waved away his concern. “If he were really interested, why am I still unClaimed?”
Paul looked unsure. “I’m really sorry, Bethi.” His words held a note of finality.
“Whatever,” I mumbled and stood. When I turned, I caught Luke watching me from a few seats over. My eyes narrowed. He ignored me and looked at Paul, giving him a quick wink.
The dream hit me upside the head with a frying pan, and I staggered as I took a step toward the kitchen. The dizzy wave passed over me quickly, barely interrupting my slow progress. Still, Luke stood and moved to my side.
“Are you all right?” he asked with concern.
“Peachy,” I answered, tugging my arm from his grasp. Whatever dream waited, it waited impatiently. I could only imagine what horrors it wanted to share with me. I met Luke’s gaze. He had the power to change the message it bore just with his presence. Why did he continue to hurt me by keeping himself from me?
“I just need something to drink.”
He gave me a gentle smile that twisted my stomach with wishful thinking. “I’ll get it for you.”
He moved off to the kitchen. I moved off toward the doors.