Whoa. I explain what I’ve learned about Jasyn and King Aidan, the Verity and the Void, all of it. When I get to the part concerning my birthmark, my face flames. “. . . which means my soul is bound to the Verity’s vessel—er, King Aidan.” So weird. Saying it aloud feels like a confession. Do I believe it’s true?
I’m still not sure.
Joshua folds his hands and lets them hang in the gutter between his knees. “I see. We’ve been apart longer than I care to admit.” He shakes his head. Pounds a fist against his knee. “What good is being an Ever? I couldn’t protect you. I can’t.” Anger peppers his tone.
I toe the floor. My hands long to hold his. To assure him it’s no big deal because we’re together now. Instead I refrain. Wait.
He exhales. Finger-combs his hair. “My Calling is in my blood. I heal almost instantly, and very few things can kill me. A single drop of my blood could cure even the most fatal wound.”
Lightbulb moment. “Could Jasyn have used Ever blood on me? He claimed he brought me back from the dead.”
“I suppose it’s possible, though I don’t know where he would’ve gotten it. Evers are very private. Most don’t even trust those closest to them with the knowledge of their gift. Years ago, Ever blood was sold for a high price on the black market. People would drain Evers of their blood over and over and over again. Since it reproduces at a rapid rate, an Ever wouldn’t have died from the process, but it still would have been excruciating.” He shudders. “We experience pain like everyone else.” His last words are guarded. Is there another meaning beyond the surface?
“Joshua, I—”
“I failed you, El.” He clears his throat before continuing. “I have this rare gift, and still I couldn’t stop what happened. I’ve been such an idiot. It was immature and selfish to think I could handle this.” He rises. “Which is why I’m recommending Ky be reinstated as a Guardian. Your Guardian. Under the circumstances I don’t see why Makai wouldn’t approve the request.”
“Are you . . . ?” I swallow the lump wedged in my throat. “Are you ditching me?” Not this again. Why is he always looking for a way out? Every time he takes a step toward me, he takes five more giant leaps back.
Don’t feel. Don’t care. Don’t love. Isn’t that what I promised myself? So things like this wouldn’t destroy me anymore?
“Eliyana.” Joshua sets a hand on my shoulder. His touch is a roller coaster. Thrilling. Turning me upside down. “You’re better off without me. Ky will make a fine Guardian. He already has.”
This is a nightmare. Mom’s still a prisoner. I just got Joshua back and he already wants to leave? “No.” I spring to my feet. “I don’t want anyone else.” Especially not Ky. Never. He’s cocky and sarcastic and impulsive and everything Joshua is not.
“I can’t guard you anymore. I’ve let things go too far. I’ve made mistakes with you I never would have before. Sloppy decisions. Poor judgment calls. It’s been a long time coming. I probably should’ve done it sooner.”
I don’t believe this. Not only does Joshua not want to be around me but he’s forcing me to be around someone I barely tolerate. “Fine. I just won’t have a Guardian then. If I can’t have you, I don’t want anyone.”
“It doesn’t work that way.” He looks out the window. A spider scuttles up the filmy glass, oblivious to the dilemma just beyond its reach. “It is imperative you have a Guardian.”
“Why? Do you have one? Does Ky? Once we’re back at the Haven, I’ll be plenty safe. I don’t need a shadow following me around all the time.” I hate to give Ky credit, but he said so himself. “There’s always a choice.”
“You’re different. Special.” His gaze is a thief, stealing this moment as he caresses my least favorite cheek with his thumb.
I turn my head into his palm and close my eyes, memorizing the scent of his skin. Why does this feel like a good-bye? “I wish everyone would stop saying that.”
Joshua tilts my chin up. I stare into cerulean eyes like glass, begging me to know what’s behind them. “When you turn eighteen, this will all be over.”
Wade and Gage. Their whispered conversation about my upcoming birthday. I’d forgotten it. Too worried about dying and grieving and Mom and simply surviving.
“What will be over?” And how does my birthday fit into the equation?
He remains stark still. Reactionless. Not a flinch or a blink to let me in on what he’s thinking.
“Tell me.” I close the space between our faces, stopping just before our lips meet. He can kiss me if he wants. Right here. Right now.
“This.” An exhale escapes his lips, warming my face. “Is.” His hands find mine, lowering them to our sides. “Over.” He releases me, backs away. Resolve chisels his features as he dons his boots and departs the way we came.
I wait a dozen breaths before following. Shoulders squared and cheeks dry, I slip into Mom’s Uggs, snatch the flashlight, and head outside. Because Joshua is alive. This changes everything. We have a chance I never thought we’d get again. I’m not going to be so easy to push away this time.
It isn’t over until it’s over.
SIXTEEN
Don’t Lose Sight
Something’s not right. My fingers drum my thigh. One, two, three, four, five, six . . .
Makai. Where’s Makai?
Joshua’s already joined the group, his back turned toward me. They stand in a circle, emitting hushed tones like white noise. Except for Ky. He’s off to the side, his too-cool attitude grating my nerves.
Stormy’s the first to spot me. She sets her lantern down, flits over, and hugs me a little too tightly, her bony arms digging into mine. “Everything’s going to be okay now.” She tugs me toward the others.
“Thanks.” I can’t match her enthusiasm. Not when Mom isn’t here.
Once we complete the circle, it’s Gage who speaks. I don’t hear him. Rise on my toes. Lean past Stormy. Where’s my uncle? Why am I the only one who seems to notice his absence?
“Girl, are you listening?” Preacher’s crotchety voice wrenches me from my search.
“Huh?” I blink twice.
He’s a handbreadth away, nostrils flaring. “The Commander is speaking to you. Have some respect.” Is his face permanently scrunched?
“Commander?”
Preacher hitches a thumb at Gage and then backs away, though I can still smell his rank breath.
“That would be me.” Gage flashes a bristled look at Preacher who is, of course, not paying attention. The guy couldn’t catch a hint if it bit him on his mushroom-shaped nose.
“Be nice.”
Sorry, Mom. He’s just so hostile, like he has it out for me.
“Your enemies are the ones who need love most.”
Not my problem. Let someone else bring out the teddy bear in this porcupine.
“Makai thought it would be best to name me acting commander for now,” Gage explains. “In case something happens.”
Dread surges, accelerates my pulse. “Happens?”
“Oh, come on.” Ky shoves off the tree he’s been leaning against. “Stop placating her. She’s been through more in the past week than most people have endured their entire lives. She can handle it.”
Why is he suddenly my defender? I don’t need him to stick up for me. It will only make Joshua more confident in his decision to name Ky my Guardian. “Handle what?”