“The Xerans do have an ugly reputation,” the doctor agreed. “Did you hate them?”
“I didn’t feel guilt over killing them, if that’s what you mean.” Dona stared absently out the office window, watching flitter lights swoop over the capital in the dark. “And at least I was somebody.”
“And who was that?”
“Kavel’s Killer.” Something flickered across her face, there and gone so fast, Alerio wasn’t positive what emotion he’d seen.
“What was your relationship with the colonel like?”
There was that emotion again. This time Alerio was fairly sure it was pain, or perhaps anger. Or possibly both. “He gave me things I didn’t even know I needed.”
“So it was a good relationship?”
“I thought so at the time.”
“But not now?”
Dona turned to study the doctor, irritation flashing through her cool violet gaze. “I can’t tell whether you’re asking these questions to see what I’ll say, or whether you genuinely don’t know the answer.”
The woman sat back in her seat in a rustle of bronze silk. “Assume I don’t know the answer. Then you’re safe either way.”
“Fine.” Dona gave her a jerky nod.
When she said nothing more, Pjam raised a blond brow and pushed. “So was it a good relationship?”
“He was my lover.”
The doctor looked down at the desktop, nodding. “When did that start?”
“A couple of weeks after I arrived at the base.”
The doctor frowned. So did Alerio; they were probably doing the same math. “I thought you were fifteen when you were sent to help defend the mines.”
“I was.”
The psychiatrist looked so shocked, Dona evidently decided to elaborate. “The war was going poorly, so headquarters decided to throw all available personnel at the problem. They gave me a few tests and concluded I had the emotional maturity to handle combat at that age.”
“So I understand. I also understand that commanding officer raped you.”
Like Dona, Alerio had assumed Pjam knew far more than her apparent lack of a therapeutic poker face would suggest. But judging from her obvious shock now, he decided she’d really had no clue.
But then, neither had he. He felt sick.
Alerio tapped the desktop, stopping the vid file as he fought to control the white-hot fury steaming through his blood.
Jolting to his feet, he heaved his desk chair up and threw it at the room-length window. The plastium screen bonged like a great bell. It didn’t crack, having been designed to withstand fire from a tachyon cannon battery.
The chair fell on its side, looking a bit warped. Alerio stalked over, pulled it upright, and straightened one badly bent tritrium-cored arm. Carrying the chair back to his desk, he dropped it into place and sat down again. He tapped the file to resume play.
“I was flattered,” Dona said in a low voice. Shame flickered in her eyes, and Alerio ground his teeth. He didn’t get up to throw his chair again, but he came close.
“The colonel gave me the approval I never got from anyone else,” she said softly. “And after the first few times, the sex really wasn’t all that bad.”
Alerio stared at the playback. I never thought I’d say this, but Ivar Terje must have seemed like a fucking improvement.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Did you realize Colonel Kavel was an abuser, Dona?” Dr. Pjam asked.
The cyborg raised her chin, defiant. “I was young, not stupid.”
“I never thought you were.”
“Yes, well, your question implied otherwise.” She rose and strode to the window, staring out at the night beyond. “I told myself he loved me. He certainly said as much often enough.”
Turning away, Dona began to pace. “For the next five years, I was . . . happy. I’d never really been happy before, not even when I lived at my parents’ home. Even then, I’d had expectations to live up to.” She grimaced. “Or to fail to live up to.”
“And Kavel didn’t expect anything from you?” There was a note of contempt in the doctor’s voice. Dona looked up sharply, and Alerio realized she thought Pjam’s anger was aimed at her. Instead of that evil fucker Kavel.
“No.” The cyborg paused, her mouth curling into a smile that was just a little twisted. “Well, yes, come to think of it. He wanted me to stay fifteen forever, but I couldn’t seem to pull it off.”
“Did he tell you that?”
“No. But I gathered as much when a sixteen-year-old was assigned to the base. He made her his personal clerk.” Dona’s smile was cool and bitter. “I’d just turned twenty.”
“I’m sorry.” To do the doctor credit, she seemed to mean it.
A muscle rolled in Dona’s jaw as if she was grinding her teeth. “I didn’t much enjoy being bitterly jealous of a teenage kid who wasn’t even remotely the fighter I was.”
The doctor watched her, sympathy in her rich jade eyes. “Humiliating.”
“Intensely. But for the first time, I began to see I’d been manipulated. It became obvious when I heard him say the same things to the new recruit that he’d once said to me. But even then, I didn’t understand the situation.” Rage flashed through her eyes, burning in the violet like a storm. “Not really.”
“Didn’t you report it?” Pjam’s knuckles had gone white around her stylus.
“Yes, when it finally hit me what he’d really done.” She sat down and crossed her booted feet, studying the toes as if she’d never seen them before. “I was on my way back from a mission when I found a Xeran priest raping a twelve-year-old colonist. I killed him and rescued her.”
“She must have been so grateful.”
Dona shot the doctor a look. “She was fucking terrified of me. I took her back to her father and returned to the base. And found Kaven and the girl . . .”
“Oh.”
“That’s when I knew he was a monster.”
“I’m sorry.” Pjam sounded as if she really meant it. Alerio found himself thinking a little better of her for that.
“I reported him to Aranian central headquarters. He claimed I was a jealous psychotic bitch who had made up vicious lies to smear his reputation out of a craving for revenge.” Again, she sounded so icily controlled, Alerio ached for her.
“Surely they didn’t believe that? But your record . . .”
“. . . Meant nothing. He had plenty of witnesses willing to provide him with an alibi. I’ve got a feeling some of the officers who served with him suspected what he was doing with all those young interns. Nobody did anything because he was a military hero.”
“A hero?” Pjam looked incredulous.
Dona spread her hands. “I don’t know. There was something about rushing into one of the lisium mines to prevent a Xeran saboteur from blowing it up. He saved half a billion galactors’ worth of lisium. The government gave him a medal.”
Which explained a great deal. Lisium was a key component in low-cost tachyon field generators. Without the mineral and the weaponry it made possible, the Galactic Union would be easy prey for the Xerans. Which was why Xer had tried to conquer Arania.
“So nobody believed you?”
“I was Kavel’s Killer, doctor. A sniper and assassin. Not exactly an ideal witness.”
“You were also his victim,” Pjam said hotly. “A victim with a computer implant. All they had to do was check your neurocomp’s account of the incidents, and they’d have known you were telling the truth.”
Dona dropped back into her chair to sprawl with boneless grace. “Except it’s not unknown for ’borgs to use their comps to plant false memories in their own brains.”