This is all my fault. I should have never come here tonight, never helped her sneak out. I can’t believe we are back here again, with me causing her pain.
I slam my fist back into my steering wheel over and over again. I don’t even feel the pain this time. The bloody fist prints I’m leaving behind make me smile. Good. I should be bleeding. I deserve it.
“Dude?” Ryan opens the passenger door and slides in, his eyes landing on my fist and the blood on the steering wheel. “So I see it’s going well in here.”
“How’s Ashley?” I ask, ignoring his sarcasm.
“About as good as you, I’m sure, but I don’t really know. She ran upstairs, but not before she screamed at me.”
“At you? Why? What did she say?”
“I tried to stop her, and she screamed, ‘Don’t,’ and pulled away. That was the extent of our conversation.” Ryan smiles.
I know he’s trying to help lighten the mood, but how can he smile right now? Just seeing it turns my stomach.
Ryan drops his smile and his lighthearted tone. “What were you thinking tonight?”
I rest my head back on my headrest and move my gaze to the street in front of us. “I wasn’t, I guess.” I shrug. “I’m in so much trouble. I can’t believe my dad drove over here tonight.”
“Yeah, the scene was not a good one when they found out Ash snuck out, but I’m sorry. I had no idea they called your dad.”
“It’s not your fault. Thanks for the warning, though. At least we had an idea of what we were coming back to.” I take a deep breath as I continue to stare out the front window. “Do you think they’ll change their minds?”
“Not tonight.”
“What are we going to do?” I turn back to Ryan. “I mean, we’re not breaking up.”
ASHLEY
The next thing I know, I’m on my bathroom floor. I’m not even sure how I got here. I don’t think I have ever felt this much anger toward anyone, not RTS, not Casey. I feel so betrayed by my own parents. How could they destroy the most important thing in my life?
I fluctuate between being nauseous and filling with rage. Then I grab my sweatshirt and instantly remember it’s Todd’s. I look down to see the peeling letters of EHS Football and completely lose it. Whatever tears were masked by anger start to pour out of me, so I run the water to cover the sound of my hysterics.
The next thing I know, I’m in the shower and steaming hot water is raining down on me. I feel a small glimmer of happiness. The water feels so good, so refreshing. I just need to stay here forever and pretend like nothing happened: the fight with my parents, the insane command. I don’t think I have ever heard my dad use that word before in my entire life.
I need the water to wash away what happened: seeing Todd walk out the door, all of it. I watch as the water goes down the drain and wish it was that simple to erase everything, to let it just float away down the drain.
Then I hear someone open the door. I must not have locked it.
“Ashley?” Ryan knocks as he says my name cautiously.
I don’t say anything. I’m not even sure I can speak. Normally, I would scream for him to get out, but I can’t bring myself to muster up the energy.
“I know you’re in there.”
I still don’t answer him.
“You’ve been in there for over an hour.”
At his words, I notice for the first time that the water is freezing. At some point, it changed from warm luxury to freezing drops of misery, but I’m so numb I barely feel it.
“Mom and Dad were afraid to come in, so they wanted me to check on you.” I hear him sit down and lean against the cabinet. “You okay?”
I laugh because that question couldn’t be more absurd.
“Well, at least you’re laughing,” he says, and then I hear him start to get up.
“I’m laughing because your question is ridiculous. What do you think? I’m totally fine. It’s great that Mom and Dad are making me break up with Todd.”
“I know, Ash. I just have no idea what to say to either of you. I can’t believe what just happened.” He slightly shouts over the pounding water. Part of me wants to get out because the water is freezing, and now that I’ve noticed, I can’t stop thinking about it. However, part of me doesn’t want to face reality. As soon as I get out, that’s what it will be—real. Plus, I don’t want Ryan to leave. I need to hear his voice to hold on to some sanity, but there is no way in hell I’m getting out of the shower with him in here. Thankfully, there is a shower curtain separating us.
“Todd is a mess,” Ryan says after a few minutes of silence.
Hearing those words makes me perk up a little, and I peek my head around the curtain. “You talked to him?”
“Yeah, I went after him when he left. He was outside in his car. He’s so pissed at his dad. Who knows what’s going to happen when they get home?”
“Sidney!” I say enthusiastically without even thinking as I slip back into the shower to shut the water off.
“What?”
“Sidney will know. I need to talk to her. Toss me a towel, please,” I shout over the curtain.
“Here you go, crazy,” Ryan says as my towel flies over the shower curtain and lands in my hands. “Why don’t you just talk to Todd?”
“Because he won’t tell me what’s happening with his dad, but Sid will. He’ll try to hide it from me, pretend everything is okay.”
“Yeah, that sounds like him. You really do know him, Ash.” I barely hear that last part; he says it so low.
“Duh. Now get out.” I need to talk to Sid. I’m not sure why this revelation has given me the boost I need to get out of the shower, but it does.
After a frantic search, I finally find my phone in the front pouch of Todd’s sweatshirt, and see there are twelve texts from Sid, all some variation of What happened? and Call me. The last one is from five minutes ago, so I’m sure she’s still up.
The phone doesn’t even ring before I hear Sid shout-whisper into the phone, “What happened?”
“It’s bad, Sid. How’s Todd?”
“Not good; hence, all of my texts. He came storming into the house, screaming at my dad. They were so loud they woke me up.”
“How about now?”
“Silence. Well, except I hear him on his guitar, and every once in a while, I hear something slam against the wall in his room.”
I take a deep breath. “Did you hear what they were saying when they were screaming at each other?”
“Not really. It was pretty muffled, but there were a lot of ‘how could yous?’ and I heard my mom down there, too. I figured it was best to pretend I was still asleep and call you for information since my brother is generally useless when it comes to stuff like this. I mean, he didn’t even tell me when you guys broke up last year.”
“Yeah, I know,” I whisper back.
“I think they took his phone.”
“Good to know.” My heart sinks. That was our only lifeline, but it explains why I only have texts from Sid.
Once I tell Sid what happened, she can’t believe it, either. She vows to get Todd any message I need, which I appreciate. Then again, it will be a little awkward to say what I really want to say to Todd through Sid.
Oh, well. I’ll take what I can get.
Chapter 11: The Aftermath
ASHLEY
It’s Monday morning, and I haven’t said one word to my parents since Saturday night.
I don’t think I have ever been this excited to go to school. I can’t wait to see Todd. Sid texted me and said he still doesn’t have his phone back, although his parents went out yesterday, so I got to talk to him on Sid’s phone. Just in case they are checking call histories, it would make sense if Sid called me. I wouldn’t put anything past our parents at this point, but luckily, I still have my phone.