“I need to go find out what happened, but I don’t want to,” I whisper as I push my tears back. “Maybe it’s nothing.” It doesn’t sound like nothing, though.
Shane’s grip tightens. “I’ll go with you,” he says, getting up and pulling me with him.
“Wait.” I pull him back. “Tell me about Johnny. What’s going on with him?” I ask, desperate to avoid walking into my kitchen.
Shane just looks at me with a you’re-not-fooling-anyone look. “You already know about Johnny. He kisses me, and I kiss him, and he doesn’t want anyone else to know. Complete one-eighty. Now, let’s go. You need to know what’s going on, and you need to find out sooner rather than later, so get up.”
All I can do is sigh and follow.
As we get closer to the kitchen, I feel like my heart is going to swallow up my lungs. I don’t say anything; I just stand in the kitchen doorway as my eyes meet my dad’s. He doesn’t say anything, either, but the look on his face says it all.
“What happened to Ryan?” I barely get the words out. I don’t want to hear the answer to that question, but I also know I need to hear it.
“It’s not Ryan.”
Relief floods me.
“It’s Todd.”
Wait, what?
“That was Ryan. He said Todd got into a skiing accident, and we should come up.”
I shut my eyes and feel the tears slip out and down my cheeks. I can’t say anything. I’m not supposed to care. The world goes into slow motion. Time stops. My heart stops. Everything stops.
“Ashley?” I hear Shane’s voice, feel his hand rubbing my back, but I can’t respond.
“How bad?” Shane asks. He’s no stranger to tragedy, and it shows. He’s calm and collected, while I am a mess, but I’m so grateful for him asking the question I couldn’t bring myself to ask. I know I’m not supposed to care in front of my dad, but I can’t hide it.
“They don’t know yet. They’re taking him to the hospital, but they think he might need surgery.”
“I need to be there, Dad,” spills out. No more games. I don’t care if we are supposed to be broken up; I need to be with him.
“I know,” is all my dad says.
Before I know it, we are in my dad’s blue Volvo station wagon, making the two and half hour drive up there. My mom decided to stay home, so it’s just my dad and me. This shouldn’t be awkward at all.
Shane made me promise to keep him updated. He’s already texted three times, and it’s only been ten minutes. I love him for trying to keep me sane. I texted Sid, but there is still no response from her. I don’t even know if she knows yet, so I’ve kept my texts very vague.
We drive in silence until my dad finally breaks it.
“Is that Todd’s?” My dad’s eyes land on the ring on my finger. I didn’t even realize I have been nervously running my thumb over it since we got in the car. I forgot to take it off, not that I even want to pretend that I don’t care about him at this point.
“It is,” I say, keeping my eyes on the road ahead of us.
“It’s nice,” my dad says softly.
Oh, my God. It must be so much worse than he told me. I just need to see him. I need to talk to him. I wish Ryan or Sid would answer my text messages.
“What do you know that you’re not telling me, Dad? How bad is it?”
He inhales deeply, and there is a long pause. Too long.
“I honestly don’t know, Ashley, but it’s his right leg. They think it’s broken, and he’s going to need surgery.”
I feel a grapefruit-sized lump in my throat. I have no idea how I’m even still breathing.
I look at the GPS, seeing it says there is one hour and forty-five minutes left in our trip.
Dad continues, “I also know you two are together and that you never really broke up. I know you love him, and he apparently loves you. Ryan made sure I told you, and he made me bring you up. He said Todd wanted to make sure you knew and that you were okay.”
He takes another deep breath. “He’s the one injured, and he’s more concerned about you. That tells me a lot, Ashley, aside from the fact that you deliberately disobeyed your mom and me. I know he really cares about you.
“Listen, I’ve known Todd almost his whole life, and I’ve always loved him like a son, just not as much as I love my daughter.” He squeezes my knee. “I just don’t want to lose my little girl, and I hated that I was losing you. I saw it happening, and I wanted to control it, make it stop, but I realize now that I can’t. Instead, I’m just pushing you away, and that isn’t going to make it stop; it’s only going to make me lose you faster. I hate that you’ve pulled away from your mom and me these last few months. I love you, kiddo. And ultimately, I want you to be happy. And if Todd makes you happy, then who am I to stop that?”
I don’t know what to say. For the first time, I can see my dad’s side of everything.
He gives me a quick glance and a smile.
“Thank you, Dad,” I say as my tears start to spill out again. Only, this time, they are tears of joy through the pain and fear. No more secrets, no more sneaking around, no more hiding. “He’s such a good person, Dad.”
“Yeah, yeah. Let’s not get too carried away. I mean, there are still rules, and there will be consequences when those rules are broken.”
“What about his parents? Do you think they’ll be okay with it?” I ask, almost afraid to hear the answer.
“I’m sure they’ll come around.” My dad squeezes my knee again before he brings his hand back to the steering wheel.
My phone buzzes with a message from Ryan. Finally.
They just took him back for x-rays. How close are you?
1 ½ hours. How bad is it, Ry?
Pretty bad. It’s his right leg. Mr. & Mrs. H. just got here with Sid.
Almost at the same time, I feel my phone buzz again. It’s Sid.
Ryan says you’re coming. How long?
1 ½ hours.
That’s so long. I need you.
Hang in there. Keep me updated.
I will.
Then I text Ryan back.
LMK what you find out.
I will.
RYAN
I can’t believe this happened. I can’t believe we are back in a hospital again. I think we all quickly sobered up as soon as the accident happened. Luckily, the chaperones were so startled I don’t think any of them noticed alcohol was involved. It was close, though. Too close, and now Todd’s in the hospital.
Dammit! What were we thinking?
I can’t stop pacing, and I can’t bring myself to look Mr. and Mrs. H. in the eye. This is all our faults.
“Hey.” Brian falls in line next to me and joins my pacing. “He didn’t look good.”
“I know.”
“What do you think this means for his scholarship offers?”
“I don’t know, but it’s not good. I mean, it’s his kicking leg.”
Brian squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head. “I know. This is all my fault. I’m the one who said we should go.”
“It’s everyone’s fault. We didn’t need to follow you, you know. We can say no to the great Brian Johnson.”
He looks at me and smiles sadly. “Thanks for that, but I’m taking this one.” Brian gestures with his chin in the direction of Todd’s parents. “His dad called the Penn scout to tell him what happened, and I think the coach just called his dad back. The Penn team doc is talking to the doctors here.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah, we just ruined everything. I mean, the three of us have offers from them. We were supposed to all be together. We’ve been saying that since we were kids, and it was actually coming true, and then bam! it’s all over, because of me.”
“Stop it. You don’t know that yet,” I hear Blythe’s southern drawl as she and Gretch come up to join us.