By the time the pipe makes its way to Cody, it’s gone out. He relights it with a Zippo he whips out of his pocket, and takes a long drag. He holds it in for several seconds, and then breathes a huge, stale-smelling cloud out of the six-inch gap in the doorway.
“Nice one,” the guy who brought the pipe compliments him. And then Cody is looking at me, holding the pipe out as if he expects me to take it. I just sit there, frozen, my palms going clammy.
Am I the weird one here? I suddenly don’t feel prepared for this moment. I don’t actually care what my parents would say, but I don’t feel comfortable with these random strangers, with Rennie and her weird eyes. I just can’t do it.
Mikaela says, “Earth to Sunny. If you’re not partaking, you can pass it over here.”
I gingerly take the pipe and pass it to my left. Mikaela takes a puff and passes it on in turn. Nobody seems to think anything’s strange about me not taking part, so I try to relax.
After a few rounds of passing the pipe around the circle, the corner of the room is hazy with smoke despite everyone’s attempts to fan the evidence out the door. Someone on the other side of the room lights another stick of incense to try to mask the smell. Even though I didn’t participate, I feel lightheaded and strange. The swirling haze makes everything surreal, and the candle flames dance, casting flickering shadows.
I’m not sure how much time has passed, but it’s been at least an hour, maybe two, since we got here. Rennie gestures for everyone to come together again, and motions for quiet. “Now,” she announces, “it is time to honor someone special who is here with us tonight, one who has been truly blessed by the Goddess.”
Everyone goes quiet, expectant. They’re all smiling. Even I can’t help being a little curious. Rennie stands tall.
“We have a true power in our midst, my friends, someone genuinely touched by the mysteries of nature. Who granted these blessings?” Rennie waves her arm, her diaphanous silver scarf billowing from her shoulder and trailing through the air as she paces back and forth before the group. “Was it the great Horned One? Was it the Threefold Goddess in her infinite wisdom?” There’s a dramatic pause.
I have to resist the sudden urge to laugh hysterically. But I’m unaccountably nervous again, too. My heart races. Maybe it’s a contact high, or too much champagne.
“What is the true purpose of those who are chosen?” Rennie is looking right at me, as if I have the answers she wants. The moment stretches out for what seems like an hour. I shift my legs uncomfortably. The more she stares at me, the more I’m getting this creepy feeling like I want to run out of the room.
Finally, Rennie continues. “Perhaps, children of the Goddess … perhaps tonight we will find out.”
In that minute I realize that not just Rennie is looking at me. Everybody is looking at me.
thirteen
“Sunny?” Rennie asks, leaning in closely, her green eyes boring into mine. “Will you be favoring us with a demonstration of your … ability?”
I stand up. My head spins, and my throat is dry and scratchy. I swallow uncomfortably.
I look around the circle, my eyes falling on face after eager face, all looking at me expectantly, almost hungrily. There’s a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Somebody told them about my underhearing.
And Mikaela is the only one who knows.
I look at her, but she doesn’t meet my eyes. She just looks miserably at the floor. I look at Cody. He smiles at me almost earnestly. Suddenly, everything becomes crystal clear, and then I really start to feel like the walls are closing in. I don’t want to be around any of these people any more, these strangers who know my secret.
“I have to go,” I manage to whisper, and I run out of the room. Rushing through the store, I hear Antonia say something questioningly, but I don’t stop, I just push out the front door and keep going until I’m almost at the other end of the strip mall. I stand hidden in the shadow of a dark storefront, gulping in breaths of cold night air. A chilly breeze blows my neatly brushed hair into whorls and tangles, but I don’t care.
I bend forward, my hands on my knees, until the cold air starts to clear my head. And I realize this:
One—these so-called Wiccans know about my underhearing and want me to be some kind of freak show for their personal amusement. Two—the only person I told about my underhearing was Mikaela. Three—Mikaela has never hung out with the Wiccan group before. She couldn’t have told them. But Cody could have.
Since I doubt Cody has mind-reading powers of his own, that means Mikaela told him.
I squeeze my eyes shut, turn toward the wall, and press my forehead against the rough stucco. This explains a lot of the strange things he’s said over the past week, like him having a “feeling” I’d really be interested in the solstice party.
I can’t believe her. She had no right to say anything to anyone, not even Cody. I might have told him myself, eventually. But it’s my secret to keep or give out. And I don’t want to be put on display for a roomful of random strangers.
Then I realize another thing.
There’s only one reason I can see for Mikaela breaking my trust. One reason why she’d tell Cody, even when I told her not to say anything to anyone.
Mikaela wants Cody. So badly she’ll tell him anything to keep his attention.
I feel sick, and stupid. It seems so obvious to me now. All the little looks, the teasing, the play-fighting. She’s completely hopeless when it comes to Cody.
And, says a tiny, mean voice inside me, she was there first.
When the door of the bookstore opens and Cody comes out alone, I can’t even look at him. My jaw tightens. I try to stay still, hidden in the shadows. I hear his footsteps, though, and I know he’s seen me. He leans against the wall next to me in his ripped, patched black blazer and puts a hand on my arm. I pull away with a jerk, but I can still feel the heat on my skin where he rested his hand.
“Are you okay?”
I look up and stare at him, hard.
“No,” I finally respond, forcing the answer out through gritted teeth. I turn away.
He sighs and leans back against the wall. “Look, I’m sorry about what happened in there.”
“Whatever.” I start stalking toward my car, my head down. “You and Mikaela can have each other.”
He follows me, a few paces behind. “Oh, come on—it wasn’t that big a deal, was it? I thought Mikaela was joking, like you knew some kind of fun party trick. Like the 8 Ball. I figured everyone would get a kick out of it.”
I walk faster. “She told you my one big secret, you guys talked about me behind my back, and now everyone knows my secret. Yeah, no big deal,” I say caustically, my voice getting louder. “But you don’t know. You don’t know what it’s been like.” I stop; turn to face him. “It’s real, and it’s horrible, Cody.”
“Hey,” he says softly. “Shh. I didn’t know.” There’s a long pause and I clench my car keys in my hand. “Listen … if something weird is happening to you, maybe you could use some backup, you know, in trying to figure it out. Rennie and her friends are into that kind of thing. They might be able to help. She understands more than you think. She can see people’s auras. She says it’s a gift.”
I look at him again, not sure what to believe. He looks sincere now. Serious.
“It’s none of their business,” I say. “It’s nobody’s business.” But there’s a tiny doubting part of me that wonders: maybe if I’d been honest with him from the beginning, I wouldn’t be in this situation. And maybe Mikaela wouldn’t have decided to blurt out something exciting in order to impress him. Or if I hadn’t told her? What then?