"What's in the Bronx?" he said.
"There's a kid she's looking for. Graffiti artist."
"Graffiti writer."
"Yes, well, it's so completely everywhere, this writing."
"Tell me when you find him," Miles said.
"What for?"
"I've been thinking about a film where we follow a kid day and night into the paint stores, into the train yards, into the trains."
"Sounds like a film they've already done even if they haven't."
"They haven't," he said.
"What happened to Normal, Illinois?"
"We're going ahead, pushing to get a grant. But she's sick now."
"Of course she's sick. This is what she does, isn't it?"
"I mean sick-sick. Independent of other sources," he said.
But the laps were more effective when she was busy on a project. She didn't love swimming nearly so much when she was idle. The laps were an attachment to rigorous work, the interval that completes the octave.
When Esther gave advice and Klara submitted to it, there should have been an element of reciprocal condescension. Because Esther was usually overbearing and Klara a little offhand and glib. But in fact she needed to hear whatever Esther had to say Esther said a number of useless things but she needed to know someone was out there preparing a space, making time for her and uttering her name and passing on stray accolades from whatever shadowy source.
It didn't always help. When Klara heard praise it sounded weak and tentative to her, badly rehearsed, and when she was criticized in the press or through the intimate roundabouts of rumor and half news, she had to struggle against the feeling that they might be right, she was doing shallow and meek and dismissable work.
"This is the Darwin dog-eat-dog," Esther liked to say, said incessantly, enjoyed saying because she knew it scared people like Klara.
She loved the floorboards stacked in the corner. Streaked brown wood, sort of drenchingly dark brown like the staved towers on the rooftops, the tanks filled with water and mostly bare to the elements but sometimes enclosed in elaborate churchly structures with lancet arches and great eagled ornamentation.
People weren't saying Oh wow anymore. They were saying No way instead and she wondered if there was something she might learn from.this.
She watched her friend Acey Greene on TV, a new friend, young and talented, interviewed late at night on a local cable outlet. She looked great-you look so great, Klara thought. Modestly afro'd, in a torn dinner jacket and red bow tie.
Miles called and she met him at an old sail-making loft downtown. The film group he belonged to showed rare things, mostly unrunnable in theaters for one reason or another, and the screenings were a floating affair-wherever Miles could secure a space.
Fifty or sixty people were here to see a Robert Frank film, Cock-sucker Blues, about the Rolling Stones on tour in America.
Klara sat in the dark and spooned yogurt from a carton. She realized she'd been seeing Mick /agger's mouth everywhere she went for some time now. Maybe it was the corporate logo of the Western world, the leer and pout that follows you down the street-she liked to watch him dance and devil-strut but found the mouth a separate object, sort of added later for effect.
She told Acey, who sat next to her, she said, "I think everything that everybody's eaten in the last ten years has gone into that mouth."
She loved the washed blue light of the film, a kind of crepuscular light, a tunnel light that suggested an unreliable reality-not unreliable at all in fact because you have no trouble believing what you see but a subversive reality maybe, corruptive and ruinous, a beautiful tunnel blue.
"You have to interpret the mouth like it's satire," Acey said.
Coke sniffing backstage or in the tunnels and people sitting around a room or sleeping on a plane, that edge-of-time feeling, remarks half uttered, a cigarette in someone's mouth, people not yet ready to stir, and she liked the glancing sound, the way documentary sound, this land of flyby movie, bounces off the tile walls, the cinder-block walls in dressing rooms and stadium tunnels.
Someone saying, Often he will shoot me in an unfavorable way.
And she realized yes, his mouth was completely satirical, it was car-icaturish, a form of talking anus from the countercomics of the sixties, and all the jeers and taunts we'd uttered, all the half sentences we'd mumbled had come out of the same body opening, more or less.
Acey said, "I saw them in San Francisco, this is the same tour, has to be, two years ago this was."
Throwing the hotel TV off a balcony.
Interviews mumbled and blotted, the simplest of earnest rehearsed queries lost and pondered and lost again, the tour is a series of unfinished remarks, and a man and woman fucking on the plane, and the mouth chewing food, the paste-on peel-off mouth, Mick strobed and flashed in concert like some multimouth de Kooning female, sucking on the hand mike.
The camera phalanx in the tunnels. People sitting around, two people asleep in a lump or tripped out or they could be unnoticeably dead, the endless noisy boredom of the tour-tunnels and runways.
Acey said, "I went to the show and there's this bodyguard, maybe I can spot him in one of these shots, a black guy with a T-shirt that says Stones, you know, Security, only something else completely but along those similar lines."
And Klara loved the tunnel blue light and the nothing-happening parts, everybody's got cameras and they're shooting nothing happening, and the sound that gets lost in the ceiling tiles.
Someone saying, I hate those motherfuckers. Those in-between schmucks.
Saying, What state are we in?
Two mumbling junkies on a bed, a man and woman equally sort of squintingly attentive to the needle that's angled in her arm.
Saying, How come you wanted to film that?
Saying, It hadn't occurred to me to film that.
Oh Indiana.
It just happened.
Mick standing slack-jawed in room. The mouth gargling and spit-ting, licking ice-cream cone. And the concert footage that's gelled red, bodies bioluminescent, what we all love about rock, Klara thought, the backlit nimbus of higher dying.
Excedrin on TV, significantly more effective than common aspirin.
"And he's following me," Acey said, "down this long tunnel and he's saying, Brown sugar you wait for me because there's something I got here which I definitely want you to look at. Hey brown sugar. And I turned, which was admittedly, you know, completely dumb-ass, and he didn't have it out but he had his hand on it."
Two white men in room and one white man talking in black voice about, Put the brothers in touch with their cultural heritage. And sec-ond white man threads needle into arm and first white man talking black says, Tomb of the Unknown Junkie, a Hundred and Thirty-seventh Street and Lenox Avenue, made top to bottom, he says, from discarded spikes.
Someone saying, They took my child away from me because I was on acid.
Where's my room key?
Tunnels and runways and washed blue light and then the opening to the stage, the loud white glare and prehistoric roar.
You suck him off?
No. Just took a picture with him.
Saying, The state comes along and takes my kid from me.
And nude woman caressing herself on bed in hotel room who rubs hand on pussy then licks it. And Acey interrupting her story to say, "Mmmm."
The whole jerk-off monotonic airborne erotikon.
And Klara thought it was interesting that this was the only woman who didn't seem like a girl. It was interesting, she thought, how all the women in the film were girls or became girls. The men and women did all the same things, dope, sex, picture taking, but the men stay men and the women become girls except maybe the woman who rubs her pussy and licks it and says something inaudible because the whole point of sound in a film like this is to lose it in the corners of the room.