“Why are you trying to resist me,” I asked confused.
“It is complicated.”
I didn’t understand what he was trying to say. Just him standing close to me was almost too much to handle. I wish he would just kiss me.
So many things were running through my mind, I didn’t know what to say or do. My heart felt like I had been in love with him all my life, but I know that it’s just been days. I didn’t want to ruin anything but I wanted him so much.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
“About today… I was thinking about you just before it happened you know, and I screamed your name out several times. But the more I did, the louder the other voice inside my head became. I just wanted you there…” I said, not believing I just told him that.
James’s smile disappeared and his face became sombre.
“James… What is it? Did I say something to upset you? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to,” I was embarrassed now with what I had just admitted.
There was silence.
Suddenly there was chatter outside my door.
James immediately became rigid and quiet. He turned his head towards his door in a defensive manner while his hands were still holding on to me. I was on a rush, and the thrill was too hard to contain, knowing that James will not resist for fear of being heard, I grabbed onto his shirt with both hands and pulled his chest back towards me. I leapt towards his lips, closed my eyes, and kissed him… hoping he would kiss me back.
And he did, with more passion and intensity than I could have ever hoped. His touch was honest and tender. I was now completely his.
He grabbed my blazer from my neck and slid it off me. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. He pushed me backwards until my back was against the wall. One of his hands was on the wall to support his body, the other was on my back, under my blouse, touching and caressing my skin — his touch gave me a shiver. I threw both my hands around his neck loosely, before letting them fall down to his chest. I started to unbutton his shirt. When I got to the last button, I opened his shirt wide, placing both my hands back on his skin and slowly making my way up his chest. His body was incredible and his smell was so alluring. He started kissing and caressing my neck, before suddenly stopping and stepping away. He began to shake his head from side to side.
“I don’t think this is a good idea right now,” he announced breathlessly.
“Tell me again — you said when you called out to me the pain got worse?”
“What?” I didn’t understand why he was thinking about that right now.
“Please… I need to know…”
“Well… yes! But that was purely coincidental.”
James took a step back and started to button up his shirt.
“Tell me, am I going crazy or is there something else going on?”
“You’re not crazy. What’s crazy is me allowing you to be going through this!”
“Go through what James? Today had nothing to do with you.”
“Catherine, I’m sorry, I have to go.”
“It is not what I want to do, I just have to. I need to figure this out. I need to speak to…” James stopped mid-sentence, obviously not wanting to let me know who he needed to speak with. He looked at me again, with the most loving eyes. “I’m sorry.” And then left.
I just stood there, confused. On the one hand I was unbelievably happy that we kissed and on the other hand I wondered if that would be the last time.
Who could James possibly need to speak with about us? Who would he tell?
I spent a good while trying to work it all out in my head. It was useless. I needed a distraction, so decided to continue on with Victoria.
Hayworth House seemed every bit as magnificent as I had imagined. I scouted promptly for Jonathon, but from what I could see, he had not arrived. On my scouting I discovered my parents, whose attention I caught immediately. My father was happy that I had made an effort to come, whilst my mother seemed somewhat anxious at how I would conduct myself with Charles Barton.
“Victoria, there you are! Are you well? Why have I not seen you?” Charles rambled from the base of the stairs with his irritating tone.
I could not be certain if I had responded to his question or had given a gesture of recognition to his presence. How could I? My eyes were now solely fixed on Jonathon. He stood further away from the bottom of the stairs with a grin of confidence only he could bear. Why would a man so superior in every way imaginable, be connected with Charles Barton? This thought sadly brought back to my attention that we were not alone. I now stood amid the two men, facing the only one that I desired.
“Victoria, may I have the first dance,” Jonathon asked, already knowing the answer to his question.
“NO!” interrupted Charles, “she will dance with me, and only me!”
The tone in his voice frightened me and I immediately walked towards Jonathon, who already was moving towards Charles, angry. Jonathon placed his hand on my arm lightly and smiled a comforting smile, reassuring me, before continuing towards Charles. I was not sure of the exchange of words, but I was certain they were unpleasant. Charles then looked at me in disgust and walked away, while Jonathon leisurely turned and returned to me.
I shook my head, uncertain of what had just taken place.
“I do not understand that man,” I whispered to Jonathon.
“I do not think he understands himself either.”
“Jonathon, please — make me understand. What do you and Charles have in common precisely?”
“Nothing,” he replied, frustrated.
“I am confused” I said, aware now of the audience that we had attracted.
Jonathon looked around, also alert to the unwelcomed crowd. He immediately directed me onto the balcony.
His gentle touch on my arm was glorious. Once alone, he explained.
“Victoria, Charles Barton is not and never will be my friend. His older brother, Mark…was.” Jonathon eyes were now full of sadness.
“Mark fell ill last winter, and being clearly aware of his brothers unpleasing character, he made me swear to keep an eye on him. To replace Mark as brother figure in a manner of speaking. I feel accountable that a request from my dearest friend, a dying wish, is now impossible to keep. It seems both Charles and I have fallen deeply for you,” he confessed.
“Jonathon,” I whispered, not believing what I was hearing.
“You will be mine for eternity and I will never leave your side. I will love you until the end of time Victoria. Marry me?
My writing was interrupted by footsteps outside my door.
“Knock, knock!” Jules’s voice sang from my door.
“Come in…” I yelled, packing my laptop away.
“I just could not get back any earlier to see you. And I might add, neither could Mr Kemp. Well not to see you though, just to get back. And I suppose just as well because Mr Barclay was waiting for him…”
“What?” I interrupted Jules mid-sentence.
“What, what?” replied Jules, puzzled.
“James and Mr Kemp?”
“Yes, Mr Barclay was waiting out front, and I must say, he looked quite uneasy. He grabbed Mr Kemp and wanted to speak with him in his office right away. Why this late at night I wonder? How strange! Oh well, how are you feeling, dear?”