I opened my eyes for a split second to look ahead; we were heading for a cliff.
“No! Stop! Stop!” I yelled, again in vain.
As we approached the edge, Sugar became even more erratic. I felt I had no choice but to jump. I took my feet out of the stirrups, and closed my eyes. I was still trying to get the courage to let go when, without warning, Sugar bucked me off. I fell to the ground and started rolling away. Each time my body rolled, I could see Sugar sliding further and further away from me. When I stopped tumbling, I felt like I had been hit by a truck. My body was excruciatingly sore and my hands were burning from holding tight on the reins. I looked out, wondering where she was. I could hear something from behind me, but was too exhausted to turn my body around. I closed my eyes.
When I opened them again, I was back at Richard’s home. He was standing a few metres away by the fireplace, how did I get back to the house? I closed my eyes again and tried to move but was sore all over. Opening my eyes again, I saw that Richard had now caught sight of me and came to me immediately. His face was close to mine and his lips were moving but I couldn’t make out the words. Against my will, my eyes closed again. My exhaustion couldn’t keep them open. The pain in my body was getting stronger, but I was now able to move a little. I forced my eyes open. Richard was still close to me and he was very upset. I raised my aching arm towards him. My hands were dirty and bloody.
“Am I alive?” I joked.
“Yes, yes you are,” Richard replied quickly with a laugh. “The doctor said no broken bones, you were very lucky.”
I moaned. The pain was unbearable.
“What happened to Sugar? Is she OK?”
Richard didn’t reply.
“Is she alright, sir?” a voice said nervously from somewhere behind me.
Richard turned toward the voice. It was the man who looked after the horses when we were having a lunch. He looked upset and edgy. He came closer to me.
“Please forgive me, Miss. I should have stopped you from getting on Sugar,” he said.
“No, no. You did try. I remember you offered me your horse. I should have listened to you,” I admitted with a comforting smile. “I just thought she was anxious to get back to the stables.”
Richard had moved to the side so that the man could see for himself that I was all right. The tension between them was obvious.
I hate myself for getting this poor man into trouble with my foolishness.
“Is Sugar OK?” I asked again.
The man looked surprised by my question and didn’t answer. He looked towards Richard.
“She didn’t make it, Catherine.”
“No, No!” I cried, covering my face with my bloodied hands.
Richard held my hands gently to pull them away from my face.
“She did this to you.”
“No she didn’t. She was trying to stop this from happening!” I cried and shook my head.
“I don’t understand. Adam said he had never seen her like this before. She was wild!” Richard tried to explain.
Richard then looked to Adam for an explanation.
“Miss, it’s true. I have been her carer since she was a filly, and I have never seen her react like that to a rider before. I rode after you. I saw how erratic she was. It wasn’t Sugar. It was like she was possessed.”
“You rode after me?” I whispered.
“Yes, Miss. I could see that she was out of control; I wanted to be sure that she had calmed down. She was wild. I don’t know how you stayed on for as long as you did. I called out but you were too far ahead to hear me.”
“What did you call out?”
“Pardon?”
“What exactly did you call out? My name?”
“No, not your name,” Adam replied, confused.
“She threw me off as she was heading for the cliff. She saved me!” I cried.
“That will be all Adam, thank you,” Richard said.
Adam left immediately and Richard came to sit beside me on the lounge.
“Catherine, I am so sorry for all of this, and for upsetting you just now. I am trying to understand.”
How could he understand? It’s me who should be apologising. That horse died because of me. I believe that with every inch of my body.
I looked at myself, all dirty and sore, and shook my head.
“I want to have a shower. Can you help me up?”
“Yes, of course. I will have Mary come and assist you in the shower,” he said, gently supporting my arm and lifting me off the lounge. I felt sore all over.
Mary organised the shower and my clothes. I was able to undress and shower myself while Mary waited in my room. I could see the damage to my body. I had several bruises on my leg and a cut on my forehead that was already dressed. I had scratches all over my hands. When I got out of the shower, Mary had laid my clothes out on my bed: a pair of long silk pants and a matching camisole.
“Thank you Mary. Sorry to be such a nuisance.”
She didn’t reply, just smiled and left, so I took that as an acceptance of my apology.
Despite her lack of response, I didn’t want her to leave me. I didn’t want to be alone. I got dressed and sat on my bed, waiting and thinking. I looked around the room, fearful that something might happen. The security I once enjoyed was gone.
I can’t be alone…
Suddenly, a knock on the door startled me.
“Who is it?” I asked.
“It’s me. Can I come in?” Richard asked.
“Yes.”
He opened the door while he balanced a tray in his other hand. When he noticed what I was wearing he became flustered.
“Richard it’s OK! Your lady friend who picked out all my clothes obviously had some big plans for us this weekend!”
He laughed, placing the tray on the table and standing at the end of my bed. He stood there, wanting to say something but resisting. I felt for him, he had tried to make this a perfect weekend but it was doomed before it began.
“Richard, I beg you! Don’t feel bad for any of this, none of it is your fault. You have been wonderful and I have honestly enjoyed my time here with you.”
“May I?” he asked, pointing to the chair.
I nodded.
He sat on the chair.
“How are you feeling now?” he asked sincerely.
“Guilty.” I looked away. I didn’t want to cry and the last thing I needed was sympathy.
“Please… Don’t be. It could have been a lot worse,” he said as he ran his hand through his hair. I could tell he was frustrated. “I will let you rest, you won’t be disturbed.” He stood up to leave.
“No! I mean. Ah… I don’t know how to ask you, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t want to be alone tonight. I can’t be alone. Please don’t leave.”
“What is it?” Richard rushed over to me. “I won’t leave you. Not even for a moment, I promise.”
“Stay in my bed… with me… and don’t leave, even if I fall asleep,” I pleaded.
“Wild horses couldn’t drag me away…”
“You didn’t just say that?” I looked at him shocked. With all that had happened today that was the best phrase he could come up with?
“I did… sorry!” he said with a guilty smile.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. So I did neither.
I got into bed ever so slowly while Richard dimmed the lights and followed me. To his shock, and ultimately his approval, I moved closer to him. The only way I was going to be able to close my eyes and relax was to feel him next to me. After a few minutes I was able to close my eyes. I didn’t want to remember anything about today. All I wanted was to sleep now and in the morning go back to James. Tomorrow could not come quick enough.