Regards,
Celeste R. Taylor
The Yanelli Family (white boy/working-class) The reaction of the Yanelli family developed over time. At first, the interaction among us was very difficult for everyone, as my notes show:
I had dropped by with the book to the Yanellis about ten days ago. I called and then went by tonight. They are very, very hurt. They feel as if the book portrays them as child abusers. Little Billy said that he thought that I “twisted” things and (looking down) said that he was “ashamed.” He said that he had been looking forward to showing people about the book but now he felt that he couldn’t show it to anyone. Big Billy looked angry. He preferred not to discuss it, but at one point when I was in the kitchen talking to Linda, [he] called out, “You slurred us, Annette; you made us look like poor white trash.”
Ms. Yanelli thought that the chapter [on them] was “the grand finale,” since it came last. She was particularly upset that they were the last chapter since she thought it made it worse. I talked with them, taped the mom’s feedback, and then hung out. It was tense but okay but still tense.
In the interview, Ms. Yanelli said she felt that the book was highly critical of her and her family, that it “looked down” on them. She thought that the description of the Tallingers as having a “glass of wine” sounded “better” than that of Mr. Yanelli as “having a beer.” She also reported that she did not feel powerless with the school. She felt that she had fought the school and had shown determination and strength. In addition, Ms. Yanelli categorically denied that certain events had taken place. She said that she had never in her life purchased a lottery ticket, for example. Also, she felt that “the headline” (i.e., the chapter title, “Beating with a Belt, Fearing ‘the School’: Little Billy Yanelli”) stressed the child abuse issue.
In part, the Yanelli family’s reactions were related to their expectations. During a phone conversation, Ms. Yanelli told me, “I thought it was going to be like the book that Oprah had.”21 I was distressed each time I encountered a family that reacted negatively to the book, but the Yanellis’ wounded feelings were especially difficult because I felt particularly close to this family.22 Fortunately, a quirk of fate led to a shift in their views. Ms. Yanelli cleans the house of a sociologist whom I know slightly (we work at different universities). One day, he happened to be home while she was cleaning. She saw that he had Unequal Childhoods on his bookshelf. She told him that she was in the book and described how disappointed she and the rest of her family were with the book. Later, when I called the Yanellis (just to say hello and keep in touch), Ms. Yanelli told me that he had “explained” the book to her, saying that it was about things that were not right in society, with some people having more than others. She said that he had “made her” understand the book, and now she and her family were “fine with it.”23
Reaction of the Poor Families
The Brindle Family (white girl/poor) The Brindles’ lives were in a different and largely better place when I followed up with them than they had been during the initial study. In a phone conversation, Ms. Brindle said that the book “brought back” the earlier period. She said, “It made me laugh, it made me cry.” It made her feel as if they had moved along and things had gotten better. Ms. Brindle said, “There was one thing that did bother me. Why did you say that we were the most disturbed family in the book?” Stuttering and somewhat flustered, I said that at the time, Jenna had just been diagnosed as HIV-positive, they were being evicted, and things seemed generally difficult. Ms. Brindle did not reply. (Since we were on the telephone, I could not see her facial expression.) In her interview, Katie did not express criticisms of the book’s portrayal of her family. She seemed to have been most struck by the descriptions of her interest in performing plays and her dramatic side. Referring to them, she told me that she thought that she could have been an actress and that she wished that had happened. Overall, the Brindles did not seem to be troubled by the book. This surprised me a great deal. As I have noted, with each family, the possibility of a negative reaction worried me. The Brindles were of special concern because their life situation had been so difficult during the study period. I did not want them to think that I was judging them. The considerable distance that they had traveled in terms of economic security seemed to contribute to their positive assessment of the book. They saw their lives as now being in a different place.
The McAllister Family (African American boy/poor) The housing project where the McAllister family had lived when we first met was torn down, and I lost touch with them for a number of years. After several failed attempts to track them down, I tried searching on the internet for the name of Harold’s father. I found an address and phone number for a person with that name and ended up speaking with Harold’s older brother. He gave me Ms. McAllister’s number. I called and spoke with her, and then I went by her house.
Ms. McAllister was surprised to see me reappear in their lives after several years. They had wondered what had happened to me and “the book.” Of all the people portrayed in Unequal Childhoods, she seemed the most excited to discover that the book had been published and that they were in it. She was visibly pleased. She seemed excited and proud that there was a book about her family. She held her copy and, flipping the pages in awe, said, “I’m going to show it to my sisters.”
I hung out at the house for a while and played with the kids while she read. She thought parts were hilarious, including the section about my walking through their neighborhood and people thinking I was a dope dealer or a welfare person, as well as the section about the family reunion when Greg, one of the research assistants, had trouble spotting me. Ms. McAllister had quipped, “She the only white person here and you can’t find her?” The quote and the memory it evoked made her laugh out loud. She pronounced her verdict on the book: “I don’t have no problem with it.”
A bit later, in a much more somber tone, Ms. McAllister said, “So we communicate without words.” She seemed to be pondering the idea that her family was being evaluated during the study observations. I nodded and said, “At least that is the way it seemed compared to other families.” While reading more, she said, clearly surprised, “You wrote down my words with the kids?” I nodded. I told her that I was worried it might bother her and that some of the families were fine with the book, but some were bothered by it. She dismissed this thought. She said, “I know my family is crazy.”
ENDURING CHALLENGES
In reassessing the book for the second edition, I have concluded that relatively small changes in wording or emphasis could have made the text more accurate and less hurtful to family members. For example, weight is always a sensitive issue. Rather than describing Melanie Handlon as “chubby,” which is evocative but also evaluative, I should have used more neutral language. I could have noted that according to weight tables for children her age and height, she would have been considered overweight. In recounting the Driver family’s response to Wendy’s catechism question, I should have been clearer that her parents and brother listened to her carefully when she asked them if they knew what a mortal sin was (such attention is a form of acknowledgment) but did not transform her question into a teachable moment. The original text makes it seem, as Wendy angrily pointed out, as if her family members had ignored her. In the case of the Yanellis, it is likely that Ms. Yanelli was buying the lottery ticket for Billy’s dad and not for herself; I should have kept track of that detail. Thus, there are some issues that could have been handled differently. Overall, though, most families seemed to feel that the book resonated with their experiences. Accuracy was not the crux of the problem. The problem was how the families felt about the way they were portrayed.