I had mentioned to Tina . . . I had asked her at the place, “How’s she doing?” She said, “Oh great, great.” I said, “Well, she’s a little concerned that she hasn’t gotten . . . she’s getting a little discouraged.” And she [Tina] said, “Oh, well, she shouldn’t be.” She said, “She’ll, she’ll get it.” But according to Stacey, um, Tina must have said to her after one class, um . . . you know, “You—you must be beginning to feel bad, because really, you’re the only one who hasn’t gotten it.” (Ironic laugh)
Similarly, in her conversations with Stacey, Ms. Marshall lets her daughter know what Tina has said and what kind of behavior and comments her instructor should and should not make. She deems “totally unprofessional” Tina’s remark about Stacey being “the only one who hasn’t gotten it.” She also makes it clear that an active response to that remark would be appropriate:
I said, and—and I said to Stacey, I said, “Look, do you want me to say anything? And so, you know I . . . M—my kids know that (short laugh), um, they know that I will call. They know that I will make an appearance. Um . . . but I—I was leaving that decision to her. And she said, “No. Don’t do it, because then in class she’ll say something to me [like], ‘And your Mom said’ such and such.”
The last straw came soon. Stacey, arriving home from the gym on a day when her father has picked her up, announces, “She [Tina] told me I’m lazy.” This leads Ms. Marshall and Stacey to decide that Stacey should decline the invitation she received to be part of the club’s elite gymnastics team. In so doing, Ms. Marshall teaches Stacey that she has the right to turn down such an invitation. Moreover, she explicitly coaches her daughter on how to manage this choice. Drawing on her own professional background, Ms. Marshall advises Stacey to prepare an answer in advance to explain to her instructor and classmates why she doesn’t intend to go out for the team.
Before Stacey went to the next class, I said, “What are you gonna to say to them, if they ask you why?” And she said, “I’m . . .” “ You know,” I said, “I think you better sit down and think about it.“’Cause,” I said, “they might ask you.” And sure enough, they did. Um . . . ’cause, and we talked about it. I said, I said, “It might be feasible for you to just say that you just decided that you weren’t ready for it.” You know. And leave it at that.
The response from the instructor to Stacey’s prepared statement serves to further antagonize Ms. Marshalclass="underline"
I remember Stacey came out that night from class, and she—she got in, crying. She said, “You were right. She did ask me.” And I said, “Well, what did you say?” She said, “We told ’em that I just didn’t think I was ready for it.” And I said, “Well, what did they say?” She said, “Tina just went ‘Hmm’” (said in a disdainful, haughty voice). You know, like that. And here I’m thinking to myself, “Well, I don’t really think that was appropriate.”
Ms. Marshall is angered by Tina’s criticisms because she believes they were harmful to Stacey. In addition, though, she feels that the instructor’s remarks created more work for her.
Stacey is the type of child that needs a lot of warm fuzzies. She’s a child that is very quick to think the negative. (Sigh.) And . . . she would come out and she said, “Well, Tina said this.” I would say to myself, “Well, she may be stretching it a little.” But the reality of it is, something was said. And obviously it wasn’t the right thing. In part this is probably selfish too. I [saw it as], “Oh, God. There’s more work for me.” You know, to boost this kid’s morale.
Partly because of these ongoing problems, and partly because Wright’s is a long drive from the Marshall family’s home, Stacey’s mother began looking for a new program. She was engaged in this process when we began our observations of the family. She made numerous telephone calls to various programs in the county, drove to and inspected two different programs, attended two parent meetings of a program that she enrolled Stacey in but then withdrew her from (Ms. Marshall and other parents were outraged that a construction project begun after the session started reduced the size of the floor and, in their opinion, also created a safety hazard), and called the director of one of the programs to complain. The whole time, she worried. The decision regarding gymnastics seemed to weigh more on Ms. Marshall than on any other member of the family. Even as she was working full time, running the household, driving the children around, and negotiating a variety of complex tasks, she continued to examine the possibilities, determined to find the best choice for Stacey in gymnastics.
In many cases, Stacey accompanied her mother as she hunted for the right program. As a result, she learned what criteria to apply when assessing a program, and she developed a specific vocabulary with which to express her opinion. For example, when Stacey, her mother, and the researcher tour a YMCA with a gymnastics program, Stacey joins in a conversation about the length of the runway. Although only ten, she speaks with authority:
Stacey says, “It saves like six feet of where it is now, so it’s in closer . . . So that way they can pull out the rest of the floor . . . We’re gonna end up having a longer vaulting runway. . . . ”
A few days later, meeting with the coach for the program, Stacey is easily able to describe her skill level and she, not her mother, describes her skills. Thus, when the coach and Stacey’s mother discuss the appropriate level, Stacey remains an integral part of the adults’ discussion. Outside, she is ready to render an opinion:
Once we were inside the car, Lorrie asks Stacey what she thought. Stacey says, “It’s good.” After a couple of seconds’ pause, Stacey said, “If we come on Saturday, then we can see it when they have the whole gym.”
Ms. Marshall will make the final decision about where to enroll Stacey, but she clearly values her daughter’s opinion. Stacey is encouraged to give her assessment and when she does, it is treated as important, if not definitive.
INTERVENING IN SCHOOL: EARLY AND OFTEN
Unlike working-class and poor parents, who may, for example, stand their ground with the landlord but silently accept the pronouncements of a classroom teacher, Ms. Marshall takes the same quiet yet assertive approach with all representatives of the many institutions and organizations that affect her daughters’ lives. For example, the school Stacey and Fern attend has a gifted-and-talented program that draws an elite group of students and provides them with an enriched, challenging curriculum. Ms. Marshall viewed her daughters’ inclusion in the program as a clear advantage; thus, when the girls just missed the IQ score cutoff (Stacey’s score of 128 was 2 points shy of the 130 needed), their mother took prompt action.5 Using informal advice from educators in the school, tips from friends in other districts, the family’s substantial economic resources, and her own vast supply of determination, Ms. Marshall learned the guidelines for appealing a decision and followed them. She arranged to have her daughters tested privately (to the tune of $200 per child) and was able to get both girls admitted to the program.
Much as getting Stacey enrolled in the private gymnastics class was only the first in a long series of interventions, so too with the gifted-and-talented program. Ms. Marshall remained in close contact with the consultant for the program, overseeing the selection of teachers for her children and complaining when the math teacher did not inform her (per the policy of the gifted program) of a looming “C” in math. In addition, she consistently drew educators’ attention to her daughter’s slow, careful, and methodical learning style. These habits often resulted in Stacey not finishing all of the work assigned in the time allotted (e.g., she might finish only about half of the math problems on an exam). In formal testing situations, Stacey did not do as well as she might have, were the test not timed. Ms. Marshall did not pressure her daughter to hurry or insist that she learn new strategies for working faster. Instead, this mother sought to make sure that all key personnel were aware of her daughter’s special circumstances. Her clear expectation was that once notified of Stacey’s learning style, the teachers would adjust what they required her to accomplish.