Later, Mrs. Heilshorn came downstairs, her mascara blotched, her yellow scarf looped untidily on one side. She came up to Holly and handed her a piece of paper that looked as if it had been torn from a school exercise book.
"I suppose the police better see this."
Holly took it. A short message was scrawled, hurriedly, in purple crayon. It said,It wasn't daddys fault it was my fault love sarahjane.
11:17 P.M.
Detective Sergeant Gene Brushmore:So what was it that wasn't your fault?
Anthony Heilshorn:I don't know what she meant. Maybe she was worried about the bruises, the accusation that was being made.
Brushmore:You mean the suspicion that she was being sexually abused.
Roger T. Floren, Attorney:My client utterly refutes this suggestion and we will be showing that it was made recklessly and willfully by the Hawthorne School doctor and by Ms. Holly Summers from the Portland Children's Welfare Department, and in effect they were indirectly responsible for Sarah-Jane taking her own life.
Brushmore:The medical examiner in his preliminary medical examination the ME says that there is absolutely no question that Sarah-Jane had been sexually you know, sexually interfered with. Molested.
Floren:Even if this is true, my client denies that he was responsible.
Heilshorn:I loved her. You think I would have ? I wouldn't. I couldn't.
3:54 A.M.
Brushmore:[Coughs.] Detective Janet Spectorsky has been talking to your wife, Mr. Heilshorn, and your wife has made a statement of her own free will that you regularly took Sarah-Jane into the roll-out bed in your-what you called your "Lion's Den." And this was done for sexual purposes.
Floren:Come on, Sergeant. You can't expect my client to respond to an allegation like that.
Heilshorn:Wait a minute here. You don't see it for what it was, do you? You just don't see it. There was no- Valerie and me hadn't had any kind of a marriage since Sarah-Jane was born. It was like she totally lost interest in the physical side of things. She never allowed me to touch her; she never even allowed me tolookat her, for Christ's sake. She's my wife, but I haven't seen her undressed in over ten years. Glimpses, but what's glimpses?
Brushmore:So the arrangement seems to have been that you had sex with Sarah-Jane instead? And your wife allowed it? Encouraged it, even, so that she wouldn't have to have sex with you herself?
Floren:My client isn't saying that at all. Come on, Anthony, you don't have to answer any more questions. It's nearly four in the morning, we're all This is putting my client under duress.
Heilshorn:I loved her. I was very careful. I tried my best not to hurt her.
Floren:Anthony, you don't have to say any of this.
Heilshorn:[Beginning to weep.] You don't see it, do you? I loved her.
Brushmore:She was your daughter, Mr. Heilshorn. She was only ten and a half years old, and you were regularly having full, penetrative sex with her.
Heilshorn:She was still a virgin. I never did that to her. I swear to God that she was still a virgin.
Brushmore:What are you trying to say to me here? Your wife says that she frequently found blood and other stains on your sheets. Here it is: "I had to strip the bed and wash the sheets at least twice every week . I like everything perfect."
Floren:That's enough, Sergeant. This interview concludes now.
Heilshorn:What does it matter? She's dead.
Floren:It matters, Anthony, because you have a constitutional right not to incriminate yourself.
Heilshorn:She's dead! Okay? I had sex with her, yes. Played with her. Made love to her. We called it "playing lions and tigers," I don't really know why. I went into her, yes, but I was her father, and I took that responsibility seriously, and that's why I never took her virginity.
Brushmore:You're saying that-?
Heilshorn:Yes, her bottom. Her little tush, we called it.
Brushmore:You anally penetrated your own daughter at least twice a week and you're trying to tell me that this was the behavior of a caring and responsible father?
Floren:[Throws down pencil.] God give me strength.
Heilshorn:You don't see it, do you? Ilovedher, and she loved me.
Hugging Daisy
After Marcella had cleaned up the kitchen and gone home, Holly sat on the couch with Daisy and hugged her. Daisy always knew when she had seen something terrible at work, because she brushed her hair for her and kissed her and looked at her as if she could never look at her enough. It was warm in the apartment and still smelled of Marcella's bean stew, and Holly played "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?" at least six times. She couldn't hear it herself, of course, but it was Daisy's favorite.
When Daisy was asleep, Holly went into her room and looked at her some more, as if all this looking could erase the vision of Sarah-Jane hanging in her clothes closet. But the pain of thinking about Sarah-Jane's suffering was more than she could bear, and after a while she had to close Daisy's door and stand in the corridor outside with tears running down her cheeks and her mouth puckered to stop herself from sobbing.
She knew now what she would do with the Cinderella doll that Mickey had given her. After Sarah-Jane's funeral, she would go and lay it on her grave.
A Sour Morning
Doug called her into his office as soon as she arrived at work. He was standing by the window with his hands in his pockets, and even when she came in he didn't look around.
"Doug?" she said at last.
He turned to face her. "That Heilshorn business: We're going to be crucified."
"What else did you expect me to do? I discussed it with you Thursday. There was nothing to indicate that urgent action was called for, and in any case I don't think that time was the factor here."
"I'm afraid the press don't see it that way. Did you see the TV news this morning? Have you read the papers?"
"I haven't had time, Doug. I had to get Daisy off to school."
Doug slapped a copy ofThe Oregoniandown on his desk. "Here it is:Portland Children's Welfare Department in State of Paralysis. Children at Risk Being Sacrificed by Over-Cautious Caseworkers.Too little, too late. Daniel Joseph one week, Sarah-Jane Heilshorn the next."
"For God's sake, Doug, you know how difficult it is to assess any abuse. The parents are devious; the kids are too confused or intimidated to say anything. Or they have their moral compass completely screwed up, like Sarah-Jane."
"Holly, it's your job to stop these things happening before they happen. You're deaf, I'll grant you that. But when children's lives are at stake, I can't make any concessions."
"My deafness has nothing to do with this. I discussed the Heilshorn case with you Thursday and you agreed that it was safer to leave it until Monday."
"You were in the damn house when the girl hung herself! You were actuallythere!Have you seen what it says here in the paper? 'Caseworker Holly Summers is stone deaf, and it is a tribute to her personal courage that she has overcome this handicap to help children in need. But in this case she wasn't only deaf but blind, too, and an innocent little girl lost her life.' The director is furious."