Taylor didn’t trust any of them. Their care seemed to be to torture the patients and see who survives. Walking ahead of him, the nurse opened the gate for them as if this somehow made a difference. How could she leave Jude in a place like that and feel pride in her job. For fuck’s sake. That room would haunt him, so he could only imagine the fear Jude felt. He turned sideways. Jude, with her eyes closed, had stopped shaking, and whispered, “I told them you would come for me.”
His lips pressed to her head, and he said, “Always.”
The nurse opened the passenger door when Taylor unlocked the car with the key remote. He set Jude carefully inside. When he stood up, the nurse handed him a bottle of water. “Make sure she drinks lots of liquids and she needs to eat in the next hour or so. If you need anything, my name is Lacy.”
“I won’t need anything from this place,” he bit, a warning in his tone. He left her standing there with the bottle still in her hand. His hand began to shake as he went through the motions of buckling in his half-conscious wife. He could tell it was from anger this time, not his illness.
While he buckled himself, he glanced over at her—frail, lifeless, pale—not his Jude at all, and yet, this is what her family preferred? Ordered up for her destiny? How could they do this to their own daughter? How could they do this to anyone and sleep in their ivory tower so peacefully?
He started the engine and backed out of the space. He wanted his wife back and he would do whatever it took to bring back her smile. Getting the hell away from the hospital was a good start, and he floored it, speeding away as fast as he could.
When the sign for the hospital was long gone, Taylor touched her gently and whispered, “We’ll be home soon, my love.”
THE CAR CAME to a stop on a dirt road concealed beneath tall trees on both sides. Jude slumped to the side before righting herself. She looked over at Hazel in the driver’s seat next to her and smiled. It was feeble, but it represented her whole heart.
He put the car into park and turned to her. “Hey there.”
“Hi.”
Her voice was slightly hoarse either from dehydration or shouting. He wasn’t sure and didn’t want to ask. Handing her his water, he said, “Drink. I can tell you’re dehydrated.”
She took a few small sips, then looked out her window. “I’m gonna go… out there.”
“I can take you somewhere else. I just thought—”
“This is fine.” She reached for the bag of clothes in the back seat and Taylor ran around to open the door for her. Jude took his hand and stood up. Their bodies came together, and she fell into his arms. “Thank you,” she whispered.
He held her. He held her so tight he didn’t know if he was holding her up or if she was holding him. It didn’t matter either way. They were together again.
Jude stepped away with her head lowered. When she looked up into his eyes, she requested, “Don’t look at me like that anymore, okay? I can survive anything they do to me at Bleekman’s. I can survive anything my family puts me through. But I cannot survive knowing I’ve dulled your impossible eyes.”
Putting on a smile just for her, he said, “Okay.” He wasn’t sure what else to say. He was worried he wouldn’t be able to always hide his inner turmoil from her, but he would hide it from her today.
He added, “I packed clothes for you.”
“The dress will do,” she replied, holding up the bag.
Leaning against the car, he watched as she walked into the woods, just behind some large trunked trees. He looked away, giving her privacy, though the thought of her needing privacy from him stung.
Minutes later, she returned looking more herself already. She lifted up on her tiptoes and kissed him lightly, then said, “It’s amazing what a pretty dress can do for your attitude.” She twirled, not as fast as usual, but enough to make her smile, and more than enough to make him.
“We’ll fill the closet. You’ll have dresses in every color.”
She rubbed her hand over his chest. “And where will your clothes go?”
“I don’t care. I just want to fill your life with dresses that make you smile like this one does.”
Tilting her head, she blushed. “I missed you.”
Guilt bombarded his heart, landing each and every regret. “I’m sorry. So sorry. Will you ever be able to forgive me?”
“You’ve done nothing to apologize for. I’m here, only because of you. Thank you for loving me.”
The architect and the double dipper embraced, but now as bonded lovers—no past, no future, just them right in that very moment. “I do,” he said, “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Hazel.”
He breathed her in, her natural scent muted by the dark past of the last twenty-four hours. He wanted her light back. He wanted his Jude back. She was there, but he would have to unearth the woman beneath the stench of deceit. “We should go. Get you home.”
She pulled herself away from him begrudgingly, but she knew he was right. “I’m ready.”
Jude spent the trip back to Manhattan mostly quiet. She felt the drugs altering her on the inside, and through her peaks of lucidity, she fought the crazy thoughts desperate to surface. She just needed to wait them out. Tomorrow. Tomorrow she could think clearer.
Taylor alternated between watching the road and watching her. He had a ton of questions, but it didn’t seem the right time for deep conversation. By the way she leaned against the door with her head on her hand, she looked too tired. Determined to help her the best he could, he pulled over and they ate lunch at a roadside diner.
She leaned her head on him now, the two of them sharing one side of the vinyl booth. With his hand on her leg, and while waiting on their order to arrive, she asked, “Do you love me like you did before?”
Rubbing her thigh, he kept his trembling heart out of his voice. “I love you more.”
“You’re all I saw when my mind tried to play tricks on me, you grounded me to something real, something pure. You gave me a reason to fight.” Sitting up, she looked at him, then to the rings on her finger. “I’m sorry you saw me like that. I’m sorry about everything.”
“You don’t have any reason to say sorry, but I have a million.” The call to the lawyer he should have made. The phone he should have bought. Stopping her from going back… A million regrets that burdened his heart.
“You keep saying that, but you’ll never convince me.” After a heavy sigh, she let her shoulders and her guard down. “I don’t want to relive it. I never want to think about it again.”
He understood, so he nodded. They could talk tomorrow about the legal stuff, but Bleekman’s got benched for good.
Taylor’s eyes were wide in astonishment as he watched her finish a half-pound burger, French fries, and a piece of apple pie a la mode. Then he felt bad for her on the car ride home watching her rub her belly in pain. “Why did you let me eat so much?”
“I was afraid if I tried to stop you, I’d lose a hand.” He chuckled.
She didn’t at first, feigning offense, but gave in and laughed. “You might have. I was starving.” Groaning again, she said, “I can’t wait to be home.”
When they walked into the apartment, Taylor dropped his bag on the bedroom floor and Jude went straight to the bathroom and started the shower. He gave her space and waited for her in the living room. After texting his lawyer that they made it home, his lawyer replied.
Come in tomorrow at ten, so we can sign the papers to start the process.
He would talk to her later if she was up for it. If not, in the morning. Passing the time, he sat at his drafting table and sketched out a larger closet just for her in their future home, until his hand trembled. The difference this time was it was his other hand. He watched his left hand on the white surface moving just enough for the eye to catch what his body knew.