“Ax!” Hope yells, pulling her hand out of mine where we have stopped to look at some bison that are roaming in a large open field.
My eyes meet Jax’s before he drops to one knee, catching Hope, who throws herself into his arms. Our eyes stay locked and I swallow. He looks pissed…or whatever emotion is worse than pissed.
“Hey, sweetheart.” He smiles, kissing Hope’s cheek before setting her to the ground and taking her hand.
“Uhh…” I breathe as my heartbeat accelerates and he gets closer to me.
“Mama, Ax is here,” Hope points out happily, and I open my mouth then close it again, because nothing comes out.
“Hey, baby.” Jax bends his head toward me, touching his mouth to mine. Once again, I notice the way his lips feel—the way they are so warm, the way the top feels softer than the bottom, the way even his lips taste like cinnamon and mint, and the way I want to lean in and get closer.
“Uhh…” I stutter, opening my eyes and looking up at him.
“We’re gonna see fwamingos,” Hope tells Jax, tugging on his hand, not mentioning he kissed me, like it’s completely normal for him to do it.
“Sounds good, sweetheart.” Jax smiles, and Hope grins back then gets into the stroller, pulling the sun visor over her head, which in turn leaves me alone with him.
I swear my kid is too damn smart for her own good.
“Let’s go see the flamingos, baby,” Jax says, pulling me out of my stupor by wrapping arm around my waist and then shoving his hand down the back pocket of my jeans.
“Jax,” I hiss under my breath, twisting my hips to try to dislodge him.
“No,” he snarls under his breath near my ear. “You left me. I can’t even tell you how badly I want to bend you over something and spank the shit out of you right now.” He sounds almost pained as he growls the words at me, causing my heartbeat to thump in my ears.
“You were kissing another woman,” I whisper-yell, feeling that pain in my chest once more, and he stops the stroller, turns me, putting my back to him, and wraps his arms around my body.
“You know I fucking wasn’t, Ellie, so do not even try to pull that bullshit card with me,” he growls into my hair. I’m sure that to passersby, we look like a couple embracing. His body tight to the back of mine, one arm around my waist, the other hand up and wrapped under my jaw, holding my head to the side. I couldn’t move, even if I wanted to, and I can honestly say I don’t want to. I know he’s right. I knew when I pulled out of the driveway, but I’m so scared. So damn scared, I think as I close my eyes.
“Feel this?” he asks against my ear, pressing his erection into my back. “This only happens for you. No one else, baby, and that’s the fucking truth. You have unknowingly ruined me for all other women.”
Shaking my head, I whisper, “Jax,” while dropping my head until my chin rests on his arm.
“I was going to tell her to leave when I opened the door, but she ambushed me like a fucking spider monkey, catching me off guard. I swear I would never fucking do that,” he whispers against my neck as his hand moves to spread against my abdomen, holding me even closer to him.
“I hated it,” I tell him honestly.
“I’m sorry,” he breathes against my skin, causing the fine hairs on my body to stand on end and my body to lean back into his as my head tips to the side, wanting to feel that sensation again. “We’ll talk about it, but first, we gotta take Hope to see the flamingos,” he says, kissing that spot he just whispered against before turning me again and placing his hand back into my jeans pocket, anchoring me against his side as we walk.
“What just happened?” I ask him quietly as we take a trail up a dirt path through a bunch of trees that give the path shade.
“We just had our first fight.”
I feel my face scrunch up as I turn to face him, and he smiles, kissing my nose. “Okay, but how did you know I was here?”
“Your car has a tracker.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal while my heart gets warm. My stupid heart thinks it’s hot that he’s a stalker.
“It has a tracker?” I repeat, and he must recognize my tone, because he slows down and turns toward me again.
“It has a tracker, Ellie.” He nods then adds, “You and Hope are in that car. You both are coming to mean something to me, so if you want to be pissed about it, you’re going to just have to get over it. It’s gonna stay, and there isn’t anything you can say that will make me take it out,” he says causally, like we’re talking about the things he needs to pick up from the grocery store.
“You’re crazy,” I whisper, taking a deep gulp of air. “You’re seriously cuckoo. Like, white coat, padded room crazy,” I ramble, looking at him.
“Wasn’t crazy before you, so if I get diagnosed as mentally unstable, that’s all you, baby.” He grins and I cover my face.
“I’m going to tell your mom about this,” I tell him, knowing his mom is probably the only person on this earth that he’s scared of. Hopefully she can help me fix her son, or get him medicated, I think as we begin to walk again.
“Baby, she’s had a tracker in every car she’s owned since she and my dad got together.”
“So this is obviously genetic. Your dad is crazy too,” I tell him then feel myself slow down when I see Jax grinning. “What?” I question, tilting my head and studying him.
“Nothing. You’re just really fucking cute when you ramble.”
“I don’t ramble. Sometimes I have a lot to say about stuff, but I don’t ramble,” I gripe, knowing damn well I ramble. I have done it since I can remember. I tend to over share or say too much, when I should just shut up.
“Fine, you don’t ramble.” He smiles again then leans to the side of the stroller, looking in on Hope. “She’s out.”
“She had an early morning,” I say as we start walking again. “How mad at me is Ashlyn?” I ask after a long moment of silence.
“She’s worried,” he says quietly, pulling me a little closer to his side. “She knows how I feel about you. She also knows that women can be bitches, so she’s worried you’re gonna freak and leave all of us behind if something like this happens again.”
I want to tell him I won’t leave, that I’m brave and strong, but I know that’s a lie, so I keep my mouth closed and my side pressed tight to his as we move along the shaded path.
“I know we just met, Ellie, but I need you to know that, while we’re figuring us out, I’m all in.”
“I have a daughter, Jax,” I remind him quietly.
“So? What does Hope have to do with this?”
“I have a kid. Dating me is not as simple as dating a girl who has no responsibilities. I have a human that counts on me for everything, a mini person who lives, breathes, eats, and needs loads of attention,” I tell him, and he stops walking and turns me to face him.
“I know this, Ellie.” He smiles, leaning in and kissing my forehead before whispering there, “I know this, and I’m still here with you right now. If I wanted to be with someone else, I could be, but I’m not. I want this. I want you and Hope.”
“You scare me,” I admit, leaning my forehead into his chest.
“You scare me too, baby,” he says, taking my hand and placing it over his heart. “Do you feel that?” he asks as his heart beats against the palm of my hand.
“Yes.”
“Twice, you’ve taken it. The first time I saw you looking so afraid, like the world was against you when you walked out of those woods alone, I gave it to you. Today, when you pulled away from the house, you took it. It knows it belongs to you, so it willingly went with you when you left. It’s yours, Ellie, if you want it.”
“You’re really good at this kind of thing, aren’t you?” I ask him, lifting my eyes to meet his.
“Never done anything like this before,” he confesses, making my breath catch and my body melt deeper into his.
“There’s so much…” I pause and lean my forehead against his chest again while locking my jaw. I don’t know why I haven’t told him about Hope’s dad. Well, I guess I do. When people find out she’s not my biological daughter, they have a tendency to act like she shouldn’t call me her mom, that I shouldn’t consider her my daughter. They don’t understand that she’s mine. No, I didn’t give birth to her, but I have taken care of her since she was just a few weeks old. I was the one who endured sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, and bottle feedings. I was there the first time she rolled over, her first step. I will be there for every first she has. She’s the one person in this world who loves me, really loves me, unconditionally. She was my brother’s Hope for a brighter future, and now she’s mine.