“Jack… I… I… please, don’t.” Laura felt the tears roll down her cheeks, the sob choked her and before she knew it he held her in his arms while she cried.
“Shhh. Please, Laura, don’t cry. It’s okay. We’ll stop. We’ll stop. I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t mean to lead you on. I didn’t. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She cried again and he cradled her head against his chest.
When the tears slowed, he looked into her eyes, touched her face.
“There’s nothing wrong with you.”
“I should be able to make love with you, I should.”
“There’s time.”
“I’m being such a baby. It shouldn’t be a big deal.”
“Yes, it should. Laura, don’t make love with me because it’s what I want, but because it’s what you want.”
“I do want it, Jack, I do. I just… I don’t know. I’m afraid.” Laura took a deep breath, trying to find her words, to take hold of one emotion and make sense of it for him. She finally found one, and made sense of it for herself. Oh, God, I love him.
“You’re afraid of me?” He looked worried and a little hurt.
“I think,” she began, “I think I’m afraid of everything.” Laura knew she was afraid of how things would change between them, knowing once they crossed the line, they couldn’t turn back. She also knew that emotionally, no matter what Marie told her, if they started sleeping together she had a lot more to lose. “But I do want to be with you. I do.”
“It’ll happen,” he said. “We’ll find a time that’s right and it will.”
Gazing at him, at his beautiful face, Laura knew what she wanted. Being with him like this, stealing a few hours, made her feel slutty, like all she was there for was the sex. What she wanted was to fall asleep in his arms, and wake up snuggled next to him. That would be like love.
Jack glanced down and kissed her nose, examined every feature of her face. He was on the brink of telling her something, something important, but he held back.
Laura kept her feelings to herself, because at this point, she couldn’t imagine someone as perfect as Jack being in love with her.
Chapter 19
‡
The thought of having a white Christmas made Kate a little giddy. It had been flurrying on and off for days, but tomorrow they were supposed to get real snow, at least six inches.
It made her happy, but then lately, a lot of things made her happy. She and David were learning the ins and outs of dealing with each other. He called her every day just to say hello or to see if she needed anything. They’d gone out a few times when he sensed she was feeling lonely, grabbing a bite to eat at Piccolo’s, or wandering around the bookstore near his house. They kept it simple, but David made Kate feel like she mattered. She, in turn, was learning to depend on him.
One day he didn’t call, but instead showed up with a Christmas tree lashed to the roof of his truck, a pizza, and three old Christmas movies on DVD. He knew she couldn’t get a tree and decorate it on her own, so he took care of it for her. She was really touched that she was on his mind, and he had given up yet another Saturday night out to be with her. They’d decorated the tree, and every time she walked by, she thought about David, on a step ladder, placing and replacing the angel on the top until it was just right. Then when they were done, he built a fire, she made popcorn, and they stayed up until three in the morning watching It’s a Wonderful Life and the old version of Miracle on 34th Street. It was a picture perfect December evening.
Kate walked him to the door and he said his goodnight. But this time, instead of the platonic kiss on the cheek she’d been getting the past two weeks, David folded her in his arms and dropped a bone-melting kiss on her lips. They stood kissing by the open back door, with light snow blowing around them for several minutes until Kate had to come up for air. David looked at her with the most amazing expression on his face. He was trying to tell her something, trying to get her to understand that he was going to be with her no matter what happened.
Kate loved the feel of his arms around her, of his soft lips, his smell… she basically just loved him. Their relationship was changing, quickly, and Kate didn’t know if she could stop it, or if she even wanted to. He owned her heart, but she was still uncertain if she owned his. There were signs, but Kate had never been more scared in her life. She was also willing to take the risk.
Tonight David was taking her to dinner in the city. She offered to make them something at the house, but he said he wanted to take her out, so he made reservations at a beautiful Italian restaurant on Rittenhouse Square. She’d had her dress picked out for three days and was imagining how the evening might go. Rittenhouse was stunning at Christmas. The lights made it the most romantic place in the city. Kate realized she was completely charmed, but David wasn’t trying to finesse her, and this wasn’t one of his big gestures, this was about her. He was leaving on a short road trip before Christmas, then going to see his sister in Toronto. So this would be their last night together for over a week, and David said he wanted to make it special.
Everything was perfect until she pulled in the driveway and saw Marie’s hybrid parked in Richard’s old spot. The mudroom door was open and she could only imagine what was going on inside.
Kate forgot about the presents in the trunk of her car and proceeded quietly when she heard the voices from upstairs. Marie and Laura. Not knowing if she should be angry or upset, Kate dropped her bag and walked up the stairs. Laura’s bedroom door was open and Marie was standing in the doorway of Kate’s room, surveying the scene. “I had no idea your mother was a slob,” Marie said.
“She’s not usually,” Laura called. “Why?”
“The room is a mess. I wonder if her boyfriend is moving in.”
“I don’t know,” Laura answered.
“Why is she hiding him?” Marie turned and ran smack into Kate. “Oh!”
“What’s going on?” Kate snarled and folded her arms.
Marie took a step back and leaned against the railing. Kate used to think she was exotic looking, now she couldn’t imagine why. Marie’s bones protruded from beneath her clothes and her jet black hair fell in a silky sheet to her shoulders. She looked irritable and rigid. “Kate, you startled me.”
“Imagine that. You being in my house and all. What the hell are you doing here?”
“Laura’s packing,” Marie said.
“Packing? For the ski trip?” Kate clarified for her.
“No,” Marie began, hesitating a little too much for Kate’s comfort. “She’ll be staying with us until the custody hearing.”
The words hit Kate like a fist in the gut, but she forced herself to recover when she thought about everything that was at stake. Everything was at stake. “Says who?”
“Richard thinks it’s best.” Marie folded her arms and pursed her thin, red lips.
“Is that so? Screw Richard,” Kate said in response.
“Really Kate, can’t we be civilized?”
“Civilized? You call what you and my husband did civilized?”
“We’d like to have Laura with us and she wants to be there. Richard and I are planning a family and we think—”
“A family? You and Richard? How are you going to do that?”
“I’m a healthy, fertile woman. Many women my age are having children. In fact, I may have recently conceived.”
Kate folded her arms and stifled the laugh that so wanted to escape. “He didn’t tell you, did he?”
“Tell me what?”
Kate swallowed hard before continuing, knowing full well she was losing the battle, but she was going to take her best shot. “He didn’t tell you about his vasectomy.”
Marie’s eyes widened. “Vasectomy?”
“He got it about thirteen years ago. He didn’t want any more children after Laura.”
“You’re evil,” Marie said. “You’d say anything to hurt us.”