She smiled. “No. I’m just a kid, a spoiled, upper-class MBA expat, looking for adventure.” She put her cigarette in the ashtray and without looking at me said, “The CIA station chief in Saigon is Bill Stanley. Please don’t tell anyone I told you.”
We made eye contact, and I asked her, “Does Bank of America know about that?”
“He doesn’t work for Bank of America. You arrived in Saigon on a weekend so you couldn’t check things out, but I did take you to my office.”
“Yes, you did. And are you and Bill… involved?”
“That part is true. Was true.”
“Are you having fun?”
“Not if you’re angry at me.”
“Me? Why should I be angry at you?”
“You know. Because I lied to you about some things.”
“Really? Are you still?”
“I’ve told you everything I know. They’re going to fire me.”
“You should be so lucky. Tell me why I’m here.”
“I really don’t know.”
“Does Bill know?”
“He must know something.”
“But he didn’t share that with you?”
“He did not.”
“Why were you supposed to meet me in Hanoi?”
“I’m not sure. They said you might need someone to talk to in Hanoi that you could trust. Not an embassy person. They said if you returned from your mission, you might be… upset by what you discovered.” She added, “I’m supposed to tell the embassy your state of mind, what you’re thinking.”
“And you just let that statement slide by?”
“I understand that the less I know, the better.”
“Where did you get the gun?”
“From my company safe. That was the truth.”
“Do you realize that about half of what you’ve said to me over the last week has been lies, half lies, and bullshit?”
She nodded.
“So? Why should I believe anything you say now?”
“I won’t lie to you anymore.”
“I really don’t care.”
“Don’t say that. I was just doing a job. Then I fell in love. Happens all the time.”
“Does it?”
“Not to me. But to people. I really hated myself for not being honest with you. But I thought you figured it all out anyway. You’re very bright.”
“Don’t try to butter me up.”
“You are pissed at me.”
“You bet.”
“Do you still love me?”
“No.”
“Paul? Look at me.”
I looked at her.
She gave me a sort of sad smile and said, “It’s not fair, you know, if the gods in Washington come between us. If we part, we’ll both turn to stone.”
She had a point there about Washington, and I suppose you could say we were both being manipulated and lied to. I said to her, “Of course I love you.”
She smiled.
I asked her, “What orgasm did you fake?”
She smiled wider. “You tell me.” She added, “I won’t do it again.”
So, we sat there, had another round, and retreated into our own thoughts, trying to figure it all out.
Finally, she asked me, “Did you get any messages today?”
“No.”
“Why do they want you to drop me?”
“Don’t know. Do you know?”
“Probably because they don’t like what happened between us. They really don’t want us pooling information.” She added, “I’m supposed to be working for them, but they don’t trust me anymore. And neither do you.”
I didn’t reply to that last statement and said, “I think on a personal level, your friend Bill was pushing Washington to push me to dump you.”
“I’m sure of it. He’s really pissed at you.” She laughed.
“He should thank me for getting his headache.”
“That’s not nice.”
I didn’t reply. I asked her, “Did you get a message?”
“Yes. They know I’m here, of course. Message from Bill ordering me to return to Saigon. Business jargon. Said I’d be fired and disciplined and so forth if I didn’t report to work Monday. There’s a ticket waiting for me at Hue”Phu Bai Airport.”
“You should go straighten that out.”
“I should, but I’m not. I want to go with you to Quang Tri.”
“Fine. I booked a four-wheel drive and driver, 8 A.M., to take us to the A Shau Valley, Khe Sanh, and Quang Tri. I requested Mr. Cam.”
She laughed and said, “Mr. Cam is home now in front of the family altar, asking the gods to erase us from his memory.”
“I hope so.”
“Paul?”
“Yes?”
“Can I give you some advice?”
“Is it free?”
“Yes. And from the heart. Don’t go where they’re sending you. Come back to Saigon with me.”
“Why?”
“It’s dangerous. You know that. That’s not what I’m supposed to tell you. That’s from me personally.”
I nodded. “Thank you. But as they may have told you, I’m counter-suggestible.”
“I don’t know about that. But I know that you think this is a personal test of your courage, and maybe you have a lot of other personal reasons for pushing on. This is no longer about duty, honor, and country, if it ever was. Well, you’ve proven your courage to me, and I’ll write a full report about Highway One and everything else that’s happened. You have to make the decision to abort. We’ll go to Quang Tri and the A Shau Valley tomorrow and Khe Sanh, and you’ll put that to rest. Then we’ll go back to Saigon together, take a bunch of crap from everyone, then… you go home.”
“And you?”
She shrugged.
I thought about that tempting offer for about half a second, then replied, “I’m finishing the job. End of conversation.”
“Can I go with you?”
I looked at her and said, “If you thought Highway One was bad, wait until you see this trip.”
“I really don’t care. I hope by now you know I can handle it.”
I didn’t reply.
She informed me, “You’ll increase your chances of success by about five hundred percent if I’m along.”
“But can I double my money?”
“Sure. Look, Paul, there’s no downside to having me along.”
“That’s a joke — right? Look, I appreciate your willingness to risk jail and maybe even your life to be with me, but—”
“I don’t want to spend the next week worrying about you. I want to be with you.”
“Susan… this may sound very chauvinistic, but there are times when a man—”
“Cut the crap.”
“Okay. How’s this? I keep thinking of those photos in your office, and sometimes I see you as Mr. and Mrs. Weber’s little girl again, and I see the rest of your family back in Massachusetts, and even though I don’t know them, I could never face them or face myself if something happened to you because of me.”
“That’s a very nice thought. Actually sensitive. But you know, Paul, if something happened between here and Hanoi, it would most probably happen to both of us. We’d have adjoining cells, adjoining hospital beds, or matching air shipment coffins. You won’t have to explain anything to my parents, or to anyone.”
I looked at my watch. “I’m hungry.”
“You can’t have dinner until you say yes.”
I stood. “Let’s go.”
She stood. “Okay, you can have dinner. I knew I should have asked you when we were in bed. I can get anything I want out of you in bed.”
“Probably.”
We went outside, and it was raining, so we took a taxi across the river into the Citadel where Susan said she’d made a dinner reservation.
The restaurant was called Huong Sen and was a sixteen-sided pavilion built on stilts in the middle of a lotus pond.