The young woman thought about all the times that they had shared in their day-to-day lives now that they were a team. They could be anywhere, doing anything and they each felt as though they were at home, as long as the other was there. It didn’t matter how serious or remotely insane the situation was. Just knowing that they were there, together, was enough. Danni knew what it felt like on her part, she wandered if Garrett was feeling the same.
There was a peace that would take over her soul, especially when she found herself locked in a gaze with the raven-haired woman. It could be only a few seconds or lasting much longer with the intent to convey some deep seated knowledge between the two, but nonetheless, it was there.
Danni felt at a loss. Her youth had not been one shared with friends, perhaps that was where this awkwardness was dealt with in relationships. The petite woman looked no more than a child did even though her age was thirty-two. At times like this, she wondered if emotionally she wasn’t still locked into those teenage years where the passions of life and love are learned.
The nurse stared out of the window as she waited for her team member.
Danni’s thoughts turned to Garrett, who at the age of seventeen, was thrust into an adult world. There was such a difference between her life and that of the surgeon’s. Garrett had been forced to delve whole-heartedly into life with little or no help from those around her. Danni questioned in her own mind if she would have had the courage to do it if their roles were reversed. ‘Maybe that is what makes her so sure of herself now? I only wish that I could know my mind like she does hers, then maybe I wouldn’t feel so lost now.’ She sighed and turned to the sound of footsteps coming down the hall toward her. She thought about all her feelings that were rushing to a head, all centering on her emerging emotions of love.
"Hey, Mom!" Her greeting reflected her mood.
"What’s wrong, Danni, no flights today?" The Charge nurse for evening shift was making her customary rounds of the department to assure that everything was as it should be.
"No, just thinking, that’s all."
"If you ask me, it looks like some heavy duty thinking." Karen stopped next to her and reached out her hand to rub across Danni’s back in a comforting manner. "Come on, you can tell me. Can’t be anything that I haven’t heard already with my own brood when they were growing up."
The petite nurse looked up into Karen’s face. The older woman’s eyes were kind and loving in such a way that Danni wondered if her own mother had ever once looked at her in the same manner. Without hesitation, she knew the answer. No! Not once could she ever remember seeing anything but the demanding look that was so characteristic of her mother. Well, to be truthful, there was another look. It was the look of disappointment that she remembered best on her mother’s face. That was what she had always thought of herself as to her mother’s belief in the way things were meant to be. "It’s nothing really, Mom." Danni shrugged her shoulders. ‘How do I tell her that I think I’m gay?’
"Nothing?" Mom looked wide-eyed at the woman next to her. "Must be a pretty important nothing, your back muscles are as tight as a knot."
There was silence for a moment before Danni slowly began to talk. "I’ve been thinking a lot about…relationships." The last word was just more than a whisper. "Why can’t things be simple whenever two people are involved?" ‘Especially if they are the same sex.’
"Hmmm…sounds like you’ve gotten an early hit by one of Cupid’s arrows." Karen’s voice teased.
"I wouldn’t exactly say that I was the one he was aiming for, Mom." Danni hung her head. "I’m not sure that I’m ready for this. Even if I were, I’m sure that this arrow wouldn’t be for me." ‘Hell! I don’t even know what Garrett’s preference is.’
Mom’s eyes showed nothing but concern. "Danni, sometimes we don’t get to choose who it is that we fall in love with. It just happens without any rhyme or reason. There’s nothing scientific or mathematical about it. One day out of the blue, our heart just tells us, this is the one for you."
‘I can’t believe my heart couldn’t give me an inkling any sooner than now. I’m going to be thirty-two and still don’t know what I like.’ "That’s all well and good, Mom, but what if the other person isn’t feeling the same thing?" Danni looked up to Karen, her eyes pleading for understanding. "Could it…" she bit her lip as she let her gaze drop to the floor. "I mean…what if the other person thought it wasn’t right and walked away?"
"Not right? Danni, love is always right. It’s the most natural thing on this earth. A person would have to be a fool to walk away from love that was honest and pure, especially from someone like you." Karen watched the subdued demeanor of the usually vivacious blonde. Her heart ached for the petite nurse. Danni was at a crossroads in her life and both Mom and she knew it. ‘Do I tell her to forge ahead and let her feelings be known or do I just tell her to sit tight and wait for a sign? God, why does life have to be so hard?’
It was then that the elevator doors at the opposite end of the hallway opened. The tall, dark-haired figure stepped off with confidence and was making her way toward them. Karen noticed the look in Danni’s eye as the young nurse watched her team member advance. It was a mixture of pure love and agony. Mom had often thought they had shared a friendship that was closer then most, but now, she could see what Danni was really referring too.
"Garrett?" The word escaped from Karen’s mouth before she could stop it.
‘I should have known.’
Danni looked up to Karen with deep furrows forming in her brow. The young woman waited to see that same look that she’d expect her real mother to have if she were here. Instead of disappointment, the look on Karen’s face surprised her.
The upturned corners of the Charge Nurse’s mouth were evident as she glanced from Garrett to Danni. "I’d give her some time," Karen whispered, "she’s just learning what it’s like to have a friend." Mom squeezed her pseudo-daughter’s shoulders.
Danni was shocked. There was no repulsion or attempts to correct her statements, just unconditional love. The petite nurse didn’t realize that she was even speaking until she heard her own voice. "Thanks, Mom."
Garrett could feel the lop-sided grin as it began to show. She thought it was funny that the only time she felt like smiling was in the presence of her friend. Long legs carried the surgeon down the last section of the hall to the two women standing side by side. "Hey, Mom, haven’t seen you in a while." Garrett’s eyes initially looked at Karen but drifted down to settle on Danni. "When is the next outing?"
Danni’s back tightened and she could feel the breath escape her as though she was punched in the gut. ‘I’ve never thought of myself as gay…I guess maybe I am.’ Her eyes grew big in the realization. ‘ Well, there’s your answer. I can’t tell her now, I’ll lose her friendship for sure.’
Karen felt the tension overtake Danni, her own head snapping from Garrett to Danni and back again. ‘Surely she couldn’t have heard us.’ "Out…outing?" Her voice was strained and raw.