He swept back towards the planet he had once abandoned.
Came in so far, was forced away. He tried again, but without any real self-belief.
Was rejected. Well, he'd expected no more.
The Chairmaker was not the person who made the chair, he thought, immediately lucid. It was and was not him. There are no Gods, we are told, so I must make my own salvation.
His eyes were already closed, but he closed them again.
He swayed in a circle, unknowing.
Lies; he wept and screamed, fell at the scornful feet of the girl.
Lies; he circled on.
Lies; he fell to the girl, hands out, grasping for a mother that was not there.
Lies.
Lies.
Lies; he circled on, tracing his own private symbol in the air between the crown of his head and the day-bright hole that was the tent's smoke-hole.
He sank towards the planet again, but the girl in the black/white tent reached out and wiped his brow and, in that tiny movement, seemed to wipe his being away…
(Lies.)
… It was a long time later he found out he'd only taken the Chosen to the Palace because the brat was to be the last of the line. Not merely stupid, but also impotent, the Chosen fathered no strong sons and no cunning daughters (as the Culture had known all along), and the fractious desert tribes swept in a decade later led by a Matriarch who had guided most of the warriors under her command through the dream-leaf time, and had seen one stronger and stranger than all of them suffer its effects and come through unscathed but still unfulfilled, and known through that very experience that there was more to their desert existence than had been guessed at by the myths and elders of her nomad tribe.
3: Remembrance
Ten
He loved the plasma rifle. He was an artist with it; he could paint pictures of destruction, compose symphonies of demolition, write elegies of annihilation, using that weapon.
He stood, thinking about it, while the wind moved dead leaves round his feet and the ancient stones faced into the wind.
They hadn't made it off the planet. The capsule had been attacked by… something. He couldn't tell from the damage whether it had been a beam weapon or some sort of warhead going off nearby. Whatever it had been, it had disabled them. Clamped to the outside of the capsule, he'd been lucky to be on the side that shielded him from whatever had hit it. Had he been on the other side, facing the beam or the warhead, he'd be dead.
They must have been hit by some crude effector weapon as well, because the plasma rifle seemed to have fused. It had been cradled between his suit and the capsule skin and couldn't have been affected by whatever wrecked the capsule itself, but the weapon had smoked and got hot, and when they'd finally landed — Beychae shaken but unhurt — and opened up the gun's inspection panels, it was to find a melted, still-warm mess inside.
Maybe if he'd taken just a little less time to convince Beychae; maybe if he'd just knocked the old guy out and left the talking for later. He'd taken too much time, given them too much time. Seconds counted. Dammit, milliseconds, nanoseconds counted. Too much time.
"They're going to kill you!" he'd shouted. "They want you on their side or they want you dead. The war's going to start soon, Tsoldrin; you support them or you'll have an accident. They won't let you stay neutral!"
"Insane," Beychae repeated, cradling Ubrel Shiol's head in his hands. Saliva trickled from the woman's mouth. "You're insane, Zakalwe; insane." He started to cry.
He went over to the old man, knelt on one knee, holding the gun he'd taken from Shiol. "Tsoldrin; what do you think she had this for?" He put his hand on the old man's shoulder. "Didn't you see the way she moved when she tried to kick me? Tsoldrin; librarians… research assistants… they just don't move like that." He reached out and patted the unconscious woman's collar flat and tidy again. "She was one of your jailers, Tsoldrin; she would probably have been you executioner." He reached under the car, pulled out the bouquet of flowers, and placed them gently under her blonde head, removing Beychae's hands.
"Tsoldrin," he said. "We have to go. She'll be all right." He arranged Shiol's arms in a less awkward position. She was already on her side, so she wouldn't choke. He reached carefully under Beychae's arms and slowly drew the old man up to his feet. Ubrel Shiol's eyes flickered open; she saw the two men in front of her; she muttered something, and one hand went to the back of her neck. She started to roll over, unbalanced in her grogginess; the hand that had gone to her neck came away clutching a tiny cylinder like a pen; he felt Beychae stiffen as the girl looked up and, as she fell forward, tried to point the little laser at Beychae's head.
Beychae looked into her dark, half-unfocused eyes, over the top of the pen laser, and felt a sort of appalled disconnectedness. The girl tried hard to steady herself, aiming at him. Not Zakalwe, he thought; at me. Me!
"Ubrel…" he began.
The girl fell back in a dead faint.
Beychae stared down at her body lying limp on the road. Then he heard somebody saying his name and tugging his arm.
"Tsoldrin… Tsoldrin… Come on, Tsoldrin."
"Zakalwe; she was aiming at me, not you!"
"I know, Tsoldrin."
"She was aiming at me!"
"I know. Come on; here's the capsule."
"At me…"
"I know, I know. Get in here."
He watched the grey clouds move overhead. He stood on the flat stone summit of a high hill, surrounded by other hilltops almost as high, all wooded. He looked resentfully around the forested slopes and the curious, truncated stone pillars and plinths that covered the platform peak. He felt a sense of vertigo, exposed to such wide horizons again after so long spent in the cleft city. He left the view, kicked his way through some wind-piled leaves, back to where Beychae sat and the plasma rifle rested against a great round stone. The capsule was a hundred metres away, down in the trees.
He picked up the plasma rifle for the fifth or sixth time and inspected it.
It made him want to cry; it was such a beautiful weapon. Every time he picked it up he half hoped that it would be all right, that the Culture had fitted it with some self-repair facility without telling him, that the damage would be no more…
The wind blew; the leaves scattered. He shook his head, exasperated. Beychae, sitting in his thickly padded trousers and long jacket, turned to look at him.
"Broken?" the old man asked.
"Broken," he said. His face took on an expression of annoyance; he gripped the weapon round the muzzle with both hands and swung it round his head, then let it go and sent it whirling away into the trees below; it disappeared in a flurry of dislodged leaves.
He sat down beside Beychae.
Plasma rifle gone, just a pistol left; only one suit; probably no way he could use the suit's AG without giving away their position; capsule wrecked; module nowhere to be seen; no word from the terminal earring or the suit itself… it was a sorry mess. He checked the suit for whatever broadcast signals it was picking up; the wrist screen displayed some news headlines programme; nothing about Solotol was mentioned. A few of the Cluster's brush-fire wars were.
Beychae looked at the small screen too. "Can you tell from that whether they are looking for us?" he asked.
"Only if we see it on the news. Military stuff will be tight-beamed; slim chance we'll pick up a transmission." He looked at the clouds. "We'll probably find out more directly, soon enough."
"Hmm," Beychae said. He frowned at the flagstones, then said, "I think I might know where this place is, Zakalwe."
"Yeah?" he said, unenthusiastically. He put his elbows on his knees, his chin in his hands, and looked out over the wooded plains to the low hills on the horizon.