Наши силуэты конвульсивно бились за тонкой паутинкой белых штор.
Волосы Жанны выбивались из пучка, липли к взмокшему лицу, к тёмным смоляным бровям.
Я любила её рисовать. Рисовала на полях тетрадей,
сидя на лекциях, в автобусе в блокноте, на стекле, дома...на
стене...перед сном.
Стоя под твоими окнами, я не могла не узнать эту
спину, эти пряди, профиль и то остервенение, с которым
она способна рвать струны...
V.
Утро разметало соль по морскому берегу. Солёные следы. Солёные слёзы. Краски...
Я достала акварель. Разделась. В белом платье, я стояла в зелёном море, давила красную краску в воду. Мне было весело.
Шампанское во мне выдохлось, так и не высвободившись в бокалы жизни. Жанна всегда делила со мной контрабас... Я всегда её любила... Why should I be jealous?
2015
Verse and Prose
Verse
... Her still waters boil the fiends
in the teapot prepared for lunch...
My mentor
Make me cry with the blood,
Like vampires.
Make me suck hopes of world,
Like dementors.
Let me be your soul,
As I'm dying.
Take the total control
Over liquids.
Let the tears spill
After fears.
Let the blood fill your veins
When you`re dying.
Let my lube
Be hot on your fingers.
We are both solitudes
Shadow- fighting.
Make me cry with the blood,
Like vampires.
Suck the bliss from my smiles,
Like dementor.
Take my soul for you
To feel nothing.
And for nothing to change,
Be my mentor.
2015
Still waters run deep
Everyone has his demons; everyone has his weakness.
Somebody hits and quits with no pity.
Somebody makes love just with the strangers.
Everyone`s waters keep different demons.
Somebody wants to abuse and to drop out.
Somebody spits and fucks out loud.
Somebody wants to submit to one`s will,
To fall into love, to serve, and to kneel.
Somebody owns and somebody burns.
Somebody plays and somebody hurts.
Somebody screams and somebody hides.
Everyone keeps his own secrets at night.
We all have skeletons. Still waters run deep.
Some people display and some people peep.
Somebody learns love, covered with the night.
Somebody exposes and never hides.
Everyone has his pain and the scars.
One is a slave - the other is a tsar.
Thirst for the madness. Thirst to control.
Thirst to degrade. There are different roles.
Our past is so lewd and outrageous.
Beware, my dear, we all are contagious.
You are not immune to this deadfall.
Everyone feeds his demons with soul.
2017
As D arkness falls
As darkness falls
Protect my heart
From wicked skies
That fall with blood,
From bitter tears
Flashing cheeks,
From restless whisper on my lips.
Beseech the skies
To be so pure,
The Moon could rise
And wounds would cure.
The sea could breathe,
The earth could talk,
Beseech the skies so dim with smoke.
Ignite my blood
With eerie sparks,
For me to rush
Into your dark, for to awake
From sleepless numb,
To make me fly, and make me crawl.
As darkness falls,
Fill jar of heart
With oozing skies
With murky blood.
Let tears burn
My cheeks to bones.
Be murderer as darkness falls.
2015
Gomorrah
You are the light.
I am the dark.
Let's crush the border.
Today you're mine
And make me spark.
You'll stab tomorrow.
I am the pain.
You are the knife.
I am Gomorrah.*
You promise life
And make me cry
With bliss and horror.
2015
* - Sodom and Gomorrah are two bible cities which, according to the Bible, were destroyed by the God for sins of their inhabitants. In the Russian variant, the name of the city Sodom is used.
The Knife
You fed me just with your knife.
Still I had not turned evil.
I just lusted you to my bed,
Looking at you in a shiver.
2017
* There is a Russian superstition that one should not
eat from a knife, as he or she could turn evil.
* Here the construction "feed with" is used in its` meaning of - to use a tool to feed someone with something eatable.
The Werewolf
The sunset has faded. You watch my salute.
Each sprout of libido is watered by sap of the lust.
Like a werewolf, hanker after sweet fruit,
You gnaw my bones, seduced with the moonlight.
Cannibalism. Devour your own reflection.
A poisonous sting of the wasp is so astute.
Honey of bright pain pierces your core like an injection,
Exuding to the throat with red, salty dew.
Your monstrous heart feels like a burden.
You try to pull out ill-fated magnet from your chest.
The tortured blood clot you turn into stone.
Silence feeds lungs. Ignorance is blessed.
But the dawn is wounded. The fog licks the grass.
Haze of white ashes milks crimson lands.
Black as a sloe, the sky embraces the landscape of rust
Unclothing the red sun like a nipple of breast.
Onset of the wind falls down the golden woods.
Its music is heard between organ-pipes of amber birches.
Let the old bog be healed like a green wound,
When the willow weeps like a loyal believer in church.
Innocent joy! It could have never been different.
Through the broken ribs one can see the hematoma of space.
I have passed the game, being an external student,
Being a gallery god in the theater of lathery plays.
2017
The Sabbat
I ask The Fall for cozy feast
Into my dark and shabby house,
To open pages and the wounds,
To dance, and burn sad truth in fires.
I`ll organize the Sabbat rite,
And let it be as sweet as honey.
Let melt the ice in twinkling eyes
And lipstick be so flat and winy!
I ask The Fall for saddest song.
I let Satyr to tear my hips.
I`m eager for the rain to fall,
The sky to dark, and you to pierce.
I ask The Fall for cozy feast
Let summer go to Neverland.
The bitter grass so spicy smells...
Dance me, collapsing what was planned.
2017
The Surf
Astringent taste of your exuding sweat,
I lick from your oh-so-skillful fingers.
No more I need to run, to wait, to hate,
Just make my petals beg for a bite of stinger.
Astringent taste of tea,of sea, of time -
Captivating essences of liquids.
I let you be my spiritual crime.
The freedom comes at least to the sequence.
Astringent blood does not evoke remorse.
No more I cry. No need in absurd sorrows.
Don't ask you to protect. Just close the door
For us to entertain my feast of horror.
2015
The Calvary
You stand still, so wet between the legs.
And your eyes are teary-salty.
The Sun blazes like a razor my chest.
And your gaze makes me feel thirsty.
My heart is beating so madly,
Choked with melted gold.
You watch your fate in my hands.
This vision makes you so hot.
And I wish I would be so mighty