"Kensington… Bloomsbury?"
"Either… look, I know this ruins everything, but-"
"Not necessarily," her brother said. "We'll work out something. But at the moment, you've got to sort yourself out. We'll find somewhere for you to stay first thing in the morning." He put down his glass. "You can have the bedroom, I'll sleep on the sofa."
"No, I don't mind sleeping in here."
"Oh, Ju, don't be a bore." He picked up her valise. "Apart from the fact that you've got the bellyache, there's no need to be so tiresomely independent with me. You'll sleep in the bed and I'll be perfectly happy on the sofa. We've both slept in many more uncomfortable places in our time."
Judith gave him a ruefully apologetic smile. "Sorry. I seem to have lost the power of cool thought tonight."
He smiled and kissed her cheek. "Hardly surprising."
Judith followed him into the bedroom. "I suppose it's possible Marcus might knock on your door at some point."
"Highly likely, I would have thought," her brother agreed with a dry smile. "He can hardly pretend you never existed."
"No, but I expect he wishes he could."
Sebastian shook his head. "1 admit it looks bad at the moment, but things change with time and distance."
"I can't go back," she said, pulling back the coverlet.
"No," he said neutrally. "I suppose not." He took her hands. "You're worn to a frazzle, love. We'll work something out."
"Of course we will. We always do," she assented, with a conviction she didn't truly feel. She reached up to kiss him. "Thank you."
"Sleep well."
Judith crept into bed and, despite unhappiness and uncertainty, fell instantly into the deep sleep of total, emotional exhaustion.
21
Marcus slept fitfully and woke leaden with depression. He lay in the big bed contemplating the bleak prospect of his marriage. After such a confrontation, after the things that had been said, he could see no possibility of anything other than a frigid, armed truce between them from now on. He knew that he would always be suspecting her of some ulterior motive, of employing some strategy to take advantage of him. He'd never again be able to trust in her responses or in her emotions… not even in bed. And he would watch her like a hawk. He would control every aspect of her life as it impinged upon him. And Judith's bitter resistance would fuel the vicious circle of mistrust.
He dragged himself out of bed in the cheerless dawn and padded softly to the connecting door. The handle turned but the door was locked. It didn't surprise him, but it angered him. He intended from now on that her life should be open to his inspection at all times, and he would not tolerate locked doors.
He went out into the passage to the outside door. This one opened, but the room when he stepped into it was empty. He stood in disbelief for a minute, trying to order his tumbling thoughts and a sudden morass of responses that couldn't yet be named. The bed had not been slept in, drawers stood open, their contents dis-tu bed as if someone had gone through them in haste. The armoire was open. Judith's hairbrushes were no longer on the dressing table.
She had gone. At first, the stark recognition made no sense. His mind couldn't grasp the fact that Judith had left him. He caught and hung onto the simplest aspect: the public consequences of such an action. The response to this was equally simple: a surge of renewed anger. How dare she do such a thing? Put him in such a position? How could he possibly explain his wife's dead-of-night flight to the servants? How could he possibly explain her absence to the rest of the world? It was a piece of cowardly avoidance, something he would never have expected of Judith.
Furiously he unlocked the connecting door and stormed into his own apartment, pulling the bellrope for Cheveley.
"Her ladyship has gone into the country," he said curtly when his valet appeared. "She had news of a sick aunt and was obliged to leave immediately. Inform Millie of that fact, will you?"
"Yes, m'lord." Cheveley was far too good at keeping his feelings to himself to show the slightest surprise at this extraordinary information. He assisted his lordship into his clothes and stood patiently with a large supply of cravats in case die first attempts were unsuccessful. But the marquis seemed easily satisfied this morning and spent less than five minutes on the intricacies of cravat-tying.
He slipped a Sevres snuff box into his pocket and stalked downstairs to the breakfast parlor, throwing over his shoulder, "Gregson, have my curricle brought around."
Gregson bowed at the terse instruction.
The marquis marched into the breakfast parlor, closing the door with a controlled slam. He poured himself coffee, helped himself to a dish of eggs, fragrant with fresh herbs, and sat at the table. Slowly the conflicting emotions wrestling each other for precedence began to sort themselves out. He sipped coffee, staring sightlessly across the table, his eggs cooling in front of him. He had to find her and bring her back, of course. Whatever lay between them, whatever future they might have, she was still his wife, whether she liked it or not. Devious, scheming adventuress or not, she was his wife, whether he liked it or not. And by God, when he found her…
He pushed back his chair abruptly and went to the window. It was a bright morning, a hoar frost glittering on the grass. He was furious with her for putting him in this situation, but there was more to it than that. Yes, she had to come back. The scandal otherwise would be unthinkable. But he had felt more than anger when he'd stood in the doorway of her empty room… a room out of which all the spirit seemed to have been leached. Even the house felt different, as if it had lost some vital presence that gave it life. Slowly he forced himself to name what he had felt as he'd stood in the doorway. He had felt the terror of loss. He felt it now, pushing up through the anger. There was no other way of describing it.
He began to pace the parlor, trying to work out what this meant. Did it mean that her deceptions didn't matter? Did it mean he was willing to endure being used, if it was the price of her presence in his life? Or did it simply mean he was willing to rescind the punishment if Judith would offer her own compromises? Could they start afresh? What was he terrified of losing-the potential for love or the certainty of lust?
He heard her laugh-that wicked, sensual chuckle in his head-and the sound winded him. He felt her body under his hands, as if in some sensuously vivid dream. He could smell the delicate, lavender-scented freshness of her skin. The burnished copper head, the great, golden-brown eyes, shimmered in his internal vision. But it wasn't just that, was it? It was Judith herself. Judith with her tempestuous spirit, her needle wit, her acerbic tongue, her delicious sense of humor. Judith of the lynx pride and ferocious independence. It was the woman who carried a pistol, who didn't buckle under adversity, who didn't think twice about slaving amid the gory detritus of a battlefield, who took responsibility for herself.
It was the woman he had thought he needed to lash into submission. The foolishness of such a misguided intention now brought a sardonic curve to his mouth. Whatever she was, whatever she had been, she belonged to him. And for some perverse reason, despite the scheming and the deceit, she seemed to be what he wanted. And if that was the case, then he'd have to try to modify the bad with rather more subtlety than he'd shown so far, and what he couldn't change he'd have to accept.
But first he had to retrieve her. The initial step was obvious. If it failed, the next was less obvious.
Gregson announced that his lordship's curricle was at the door. "Thank you. Lady Carrington has gone into the country to visit a sick aunt."
"Yes, my lord, so I understand from Chevdey. Do we know when her ladyship will return?"