“He’s over you, you know,” Julia went on. “He dates lots of women, has since just after you left. I think he stays with them when he goes on trips. One time, I called his hotel, and a girl answered.”
Heat crept up Kate’s face.
“I’m more grown up than I look,” Julia said. “I know a lot about what adults do.”
Kate ran a hand over her forehead. This definitely wasn’t what she’d wanted to talk about today. She needed to get the conversation back on neutral ground.
“Julia, let’s try to focus on you and me. We’re here because we need to get to know each other. Your dad and I will work things out on our own. I don’t know what will happen, but I’m going to be around, for you and for Reed. I promise you that. I’m not leaving.”
“You said that once before.” She glanced away. “Whatever. Can we go back now? I want to see my dad.”
This was going to be a lot harder than Kate had originally thought. All those nifty ideas about being one big happy—albeit dysfunctional—family dissipated into thin air.
Kate paid the bill, and they drove back to the park in silence. Julia refused to talk to her in the car. She’d closed down already, exhausted her conversation base, put up those walls her dad was so good at building.
Walking back toward the Conservatory, they spotted Reed and Ryan sitting on the bottom steps, sharing an ice-cream cone. Julia went running up to them, dropped into her father’s arms, and sank onto the steps at his feet. The transformation in her mood was incredible. One minute, she’d been grumpy and depressed. Then as soon as she’d seen her father, she’d shifted to happy and elated.
Kate stopped and took in the scene from a distance. They seemed to fit—all three of them. Ryan and Reed had obviously gotten along just fine. Reed was smiling and laughing and trying to climb on Ryan’s back. That didn’t surprise her, though. Her son was a happy boy. He liked people, and he’d been enthralled by Ryan from the start.
And Julia even seemed to be warming up to Reed. She shot him a quick smile when she thought no one was watching.
Kate was the only one who didn’t fit. She was the one causing all the confusion and hurt. She was the one who didn’t know how to make this whole damn thing work.
Her eyes slid shut, and she turned before the tears could fall. This day had been so much harder for her than she’d ever imagined. Not just her conversation with Julia but all of it. Seeing the kids, watching them with Ryan, sensing how at ease he was with them and realizing how uncomfortable she felt about everything.
She headed back down the path to catch her breath, to check her emotions and regain composure. Breaking down in front of them wasn’t an option. Just a few minutes, that’s all she needed.
Ryan watched Annie disappear back down the path. He glanced down at Julia, then over at Reed. They looked happy. But Annie definitely didn’t.
Shit.
“Julia, keep an eye on Reed.”
“Ah, Dad, do I have to?” Julia whined.
He shot her a warning look. “Yes, you have to. You guys stay here and don’t wander. I’ll be right back.”
Following the path, he spotted Annie on a bench about fifty yards away, nestled between the trees. Her head was resting in her hands, and while he couldn’t make out her expression, he didn’t need to see her face to know what she was feeling. He’d seen her beaming with joy, so angry she could spit fire, and in the throes of bitter tears. And every time, he’d known what to say or do to make things better. This time, he didn’t.
He eased down onto the bench next to her. The scent of lilacs wafted in the air around him. He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. After five years, she still wore the same perfume. Why hadn’t he noticed that before?
“Was she that bad?”
She shook her head but didn’t look up. “No. Just honest.”
He glanced through the trees toward the Conservatory where the kids were chasing each other up and down the steps. “That means bad.”
“No, Ryan, she was fine. Don’t get upset with her.”
When she lifted her head, he couldn’t help but see the tears in her eyes. And his heart clenched at the sight. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do to make this better.”
She wiped at the tears with trembling hands. “It’s okay. It’s me. I’m the one making things so difficult.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yeah, I am. This is just…” She closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands. “It’s just more real than I thought it was going to be.”
Instinct overcame reason. He reached out to her before he thought better of it, slid an arm around her shoulder, pulled her close to his side. Her body stiffened in defense, then relaxed when he didn’t let go. His body heated as she sank into him. Warm. Solid. So very real. And when her face turned into his chest, his heart squeezed even tighter.
How could he have forgotten what she felt like? Memories flashed in his mind, ones he’d pushed down over the years to keep from feeling that mind-numbing pain. Her lying in his arms in their bed, her skin sliding over his, her lips pressing against his neck, her mouth whispering what she planned to do to him.
With her body close to his like this, every minute of their life together flashed in front of his eyes. She felt so good, so right. He didn’t want to let go.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered. “Dammit, don’t cry. I never could take it. You’re supposed to be the tough one.”
She gulped in steadying breaths. Her breasts pressed against his side. As her hand moved across his chest, his skin tingled beneath the thin fabric of his shirt. The casual touch sent a jolt of electricity through his entire body, spurring all kinds of thoughts, a host of memories. He wanted her hands on his skin, her lips pressed against his, her body below, above, against his any way she wanted. As many times as she wanted.
She eased back enough to look up at him. And when she did, those deep green eyes tugged at something in his soul no one before or since had ever been able to touch. So soulful and expressive, those eyes had haunted his dreams since the day she’d disappeared.
Her hand lifted, and she paused, then reached out and slid the sunglasses off his face. Her gaze settled on his, and recognition sparked in her glittering eyes. Recognition, followed by stark fear.
She pulled away and sat up, dropped his sunglasses on his chest then rubbed her hands over her face as if wiping away what she’d seen.
Ryan’s skin chilled. He watched her reel in her emotions and wanted to ask why she was fleeing from a connection they both so obviously felt. But he couldn’t find the words. In that instant, he’d seen a glimpse of the woman she used to be, but she’d pushed it down so fast, he didn’t know how to respond.
He dropped his hands, slipped on his sunglasses again. Then he stood and tried like hell to keep his voice even when he said, “I guess we’re going to head home.”
Annie nodded, slipping on her own glasses.
He rested his hands on his hips, trying so hard for normal when this situation was anything but. “I need some time to talk to Julia. But I want to see Reed again, soon. I was thinking maybe we could meet somewhere, after work, mid-week. Maybe swap for a few hours again.”
“Okay. I can do that.”
Her voice was steadier, more sure. No longer filled with emotions he wanted to tear out of her.
He forced back the hurt. “I want them to get to know each other too. Maybe we can set up some kind of alternating weekend thing down the line, where you have both, then I have both. They need time together as well.”
She nodded again. “Yeah, that sounds okay.”
“Okay.” He looked over at her again. Part of him wanted to just grab her. Part of him wanted to run. “I’ll call you.”