But the infant quieted, gurgling up at her father.
Shona did not understand why Caelis did not sit immediately when they reached the head table, but then she noted the arrested expression on her former beloved’s face.
He watched the laird and the babe with such a look of naked longing, Shona’s heart was touched even through her fog of pain.
Whatever she might believe of the words he’d shared the night before, she could not doubt that Caelis would always treasure Eadan.
Shona allowed Caelis to tuck her into a seat across the table from Lady Sinclair and did not duck away when he leaned close. She felt sure whatever he meant to say, she did not want the others overhearing.
Sure enough, he whispered in an emotion laden voice, “I missed Eadan’s and Marjory’s babyhoods, but I will be there for the next one.”
Chapter 10
Rejoice the gifts given through the sacred stones as blessings, not birthrights.
—CAHIR TRADITION
He took his own seat on the bench beside her, putting Eadan to his right and leaving the spot to her left open for Audrey and Marjory. Thomas rounded the table and took a seat across from Eadan beside the laird’s sons.
In no mental condition to deal with Caelis’s certainty that they would be a family, Shona simply ignored him. “Good morning, Lady Sinclair. Your daughter is beautiful.”
“Thank you.” The Sinclair lady looked fondly at the babe in her husband’s arms and then let that gaze move to encompass all her children, including Ciara, who was seated to her left. “I am a very blessed woman.”
“You are indeed.”
Lady Sinclair’s smile was near blinding in its happy intensity. “Did you sleep well, Lady Heronshire?”
Discovering a bit of that Scottish lass still dwelling in her deepest heart, Shona felt the stiffness of the address and didn’t like it besides. “Please, call me Shona.”
“And you must call me Abigail. To be honest, one of the things I miss least about England is the stuffy habit of lord-and lady-ing everyone.”
“Your clan calls you lady.”
“It sounds different coming from them.”
Shona was shocked that in her current state she could find the mundane amusing, but she heard herself laughing softly if briefly at Abigail’s claim. It was all too easy to understand.
She used to compare life in England to Scotland all the time and in most cases, had drawn a similar conclusion: things done the same way did not carry the same impact. No matter how hard she had worked to change herself so that she had a place there, for the sake of her children and parents, Shona had never felt as if she belonged in that oh-so-civilized country to the south.
She had not been happy, though she’d found a measure of joy in motherhood. She had done her best to be content with her lot in life, even if her heart cried nightly for what it could not have.
But ultimately, Shona had never felt safe, or at home in England as she had returning to her homeland, even on the run from her former husband’s evil son. “I do not think I will miss anything about England.”
“You did not want to leave Scotland?”
Shona shrugged. “My desires had naught to do with my father’s choices.”
“I understand.” The expression in Abigail’s eyes said the other woman truly did, too.
“Becoming a mother made it more difficult, not easier to understand my father’s lack of love toward me,” Shona admitted.
Caelis made a sound of disagreement as did Shona’s friends, but she disregarded them all.
Abigail’s brown eyes glowed with saddened understanding. “It was the same for me.”
“I doubt most sincerely you did something so grievous as to shatter your parents’ illusions of your worth,” Shona felt compelled to say.
“You are wrong. My mother and stepfather held me in no value at all because I could not hear.”
“What do you mean? You hear just fine.” At least it seemed so to Shona.
“I do now. I didn’t then. I had a fever when I was a child. It took my hearing and with it my parents’ regard.”
“But that was not your fault!”
Abigail smiled, showing that the old pain might eventually let go of Shona as well. “No, it was not, but they were ashamed of me all the same.”
“I am sorry.” In that moment, Shona felt a kinship to Abigail that went deeper than place of birth or life circumstance.
“It brought me to Talorc and the family I share with him, so I cannot regret my past.”
“You are a strong woman.”
“She is at that,” Talorc said with great pride in his tone.
Shona found herself smiling at him.
He returned the gesture, his grin growing when Caelis shifted beside her.
She looked up to her right and saw that the MacLeod soldier had a fierce frown on his face. She could not imagine what had him upset this time.
So, again, she opted to simply ignore him. She pointed out the obvious, but what still confused her. “You are no longer deaf.”
“A miracle.”
“Saints be praised.”
“The One who made them, to be sure.”
Shona nodded, satisfied at least that her own pain had not made her entirely oblivious to the feelings of others. “I am very glad you found your happiness.”
“I am more suited to life here, though I never would have believed it before I was sent to marry a stranger.”
Shona, who had some experience with that, shuddered. “Not all matrimony arranged by one’s parents turns out congenial.”
“A congenial marriage is a blessing all in its own right, no matter what led to it, love or politics.”
Shona could not gainsay that piece of wisdom.
“And even less than joyful unions have their blessings.” Abigail brushed her daughter’s hair with her hand.
Marjory, who had been eating with single-minded determination, stopped mid-chew to smile engagingly up at her mother.
Shona smiled back, a measure of peace filling her heart that had nothing to do with the revelations of the past twenty-four hours.
And reminding Shona one lesson of great value she’d learned in the last six years. Life did not have to be perfect for moments of joy to color it with beauty.
Shona was taken further out of her own thoughts by the arrival of another warrior, this one wearing the colors of the Balmoral. The leather jerkin he wore with his kilt, however, gave him an appearance every bit as barbaric as Caelis with his bare chest (but for the swath of plaid that crossed it diagonally).
The Balmoral stood far too close to Audrey for propriety’s sake, but then those in the Highlands were not as concerned with such trivialities as other clans or the English.
Usually, those same Highland clans kept to themselves. The fact that both a MacLeod and Balmoral soldier could be found among the Sinclairs was more than a little unexpected.
Shona honestly did not know what to make of it.
“Vegar, join us,” Lady Abigail invited warmly. “I had thought you were hunting.”
So the Balmoral soldier was welcome and an expected guest.
This spoke well for the relations between the Sinclairs and the Balmorals. Again, Shona could work up no excitement over what should have been good news to her ears. Surely she should be considering asking this Vegar to lead her to the Balmorals, at the very least.
Yet none of her previous plans were as real in her mind as the unbelievable turn of events her life had taken since she and her companions had been met by Niall and his warriors.
“Aye, I’ve been hunting. I found what I did not even ken I was looking for.” Vegar’s tone was laced with awed satisfaction and he gave Audrey a look of such heat, Shona felt herself blushing on behalf of her friend.