‘“Dr” Fernandez never visited us. This is the first time I’ve laid eyes on the bitch.’
‘Mrs Johnson,’ goes the sheriff.
‘Sorry. On the lady in question. She never interviewed us. Ms Mair never visited us except for that one time. That’s a pack of lies in her report about three more visits by the way. And she must have turned round and told “Dr” Fernandez a pack of lies about us, and “Dr” Fernandez put them in her report, making out she’d interviewed us. She never.’
Mr Lyall frowns. ‘I see.’
‘My neighbour’s CCTV proves it. Sonia McLeckie’s CCTV. That proves Ms Mair only came the once, and there was no one with her. On the other dates she claims to have come, and the date she claims to have come with “Dr” Fernandez, she never.’ And now I do eyeball Mair, and the bitch sitting next her. Mair’s bright red, and Fernandez’s got a face on her like she’s chewing a wasp.
Gotcha.
They’re not to know Sonia McLeckie wouldnae piss on me if I was on fire.
‘I also sent Ms Mair a reference from one of the teachers at my old school, which she also apparently never got. I’ve got that here an’ all?’
‘Please read it, Mrs Johnson.’
I cough. ‘Mr Ingrams taught maths at my school. He’s been retired for years and he’s eighty-odd but he still remembers me. “Lorraine Johnson, or Slorrach as she was then, was a bright and likeable pupil who, despite many difficulties at home, more than managed to keep up with her peers in class. She was in the top stream for maths, and it was hoped that she would stay on for her Highers and perhaps apply to university. Sadly, in S4, due to unfortunate circumstances, she missed a lot of school and ended up leaving without any qualifications. However, this was in no way a reflection of Lorraine’s ability or potential.” Aye? Let’s get that wee windae-licker in the top maths class for a wee joke, is it?’
Mr Lyall goes, ‘My goodness, Mrs Johnson – I wonder how many of us in this court can say they were in the top maths stream at school? Personally, I never did get to grips with quadratic equations… So, I would venture to suggest that it has never – until now, that is – been suggested that you might have a “learning disability”?’ And he turns and eyeballs Fernandez.
You didnae need to be Albert Einstein to get in the top maths class at Govan High, right enough, but I goes, ‘Just because I’m fat and that and live in a council housing scheme doesnae mean I’ve no got a brain on me.’
‘Well, quite… Now, Mrs Johnson. If we might address the medical assessment carried out by Dr Reid…’
Old bugger was jakied by the way – drunk as a fucking skunk. Bell’s Original syping out every fucking orifice. Here’s me up on the couch and here’s this old jakie coming at me with a massive fucking needle giving it Let’s try again, shall we?
But what bastard’s gonnae believe that?
‘Medical assessment, is it? Medical assessment? Weighed and measured and jagged like we was ffff… like we was animals, and not so much as a How is you? I’d “difficulty” getting off the couch because I’d a swalt knee from tripping over the dog and cracking it off of Captain America that the kids had left lying, not because I’m too obese to get off my arse.’
I get up, sit down, get up.
‘Aye? If Dr Reid had asked I’d have telt him I’d a bad knee, but he never. And that’s a lie an’ all, what Mair said about the cigarette smoke. I dinnae let anybody smoke in the front lounge. Or near the bairns.’
‘I see. And Ms Mair’s other remarks about your household…’
‘Pack of lies! Jed and the boys never threatened her or “assaulted” her. They were raging and they might have been swearing and that, but they never touched her! The condom by the settee, aye there maybe was one, Travis and Mackenzie are a pair of wee mingers but at least they use condoms, aye? Most young ones wouldnae be that responsible?’
‘I fear that’s only too true.’
‘And Bekki had run off into the garden because Ms Mair came in all confrontational and Bekki was feart. Ran off and hid. The cuts and bruises on her were down to Shannon-Rose. She might have been malnourished, maybe, but that’s because Shannon-Rose didnae feed her nothing but bacon rolls and chips. She’d been getting plenty peas and carrots and that at ours, and she liked a wee banana mashed up with blueberries in yoghurt before she went her bed.’
‘So the injuries and malnourishment had occurred prior to Bekki’s arrival in your home?’
‘That’s correct.’
‘And as for the – um – dirty nappies in the living room…?’
‘That Rotty was a right wee rascal. He’d pulled them out the bin, is all I can think. The dog’s dead now so it is. And the state of the place, aye it was bowfin’ but I was incapacitated with my knee and none of those ones bother their arses, but now I’m back on my feet that house is f-spotless.’
‘I’m sure that’s the case, Mrs Johnson. And I’m very glad to hear that you’re restored to health. Now, if I could turn to the meetings and hearings Ms Mair alleges you failed to attend?’
‘We was never told! Well, aye, twice we was. One time we did attend a meeting but that load of bastards widnae listen to what we was saying so we may as well no have been there. The other meeting we got told about, we got to the place, right, and here they’d only given us the wrong time! The meeting was over. We didnae know anything about the other meetings. Ms Mair never let us know about them.’
‘Ms Mair says letters were sent to you.’
‘Aye right.’
‘You never received them?’
‘She’s at it! We never!’
‘I see.’
‘She. Gives. Me. The boak, so she does.’
‘I’m sorry?’ goes the sheriff.
‘She makes me sick.’ I turn and give Mair evils. ‘How you can live with yourself hen, coming in here giving it I did this and I did that when you never, and It’s in my report like that makes it fucking gospel –’
‘Mrs Johnson!’ goes the sheriff, and at the same time Mr Lyall goes, ‘Thank you, Mrs Johnson.’
Mr Lyall sits down, and Fwah gets up and takes a look round about like he’s saying Can yous believe this gobby cow?
‘Mrs Johnson.’ He says my name like it tastes bad. ‘When Ms Mair – a social worker with almost twenty years’ experience – said your household was “chaotic”, wasn’t that the truth?’
‘No it wisnae. Aye we’ve a big family, but we get by fine so we do.’
‘Isn’t it the case that your household is one in which casual violence has been normalised?’
I goes ‘Eh?’, which makes it sound like I dinnae get what casual violence being normalised means, but I cannae think what to say.
‘Your husband Jed, your sons Ryan and Travis, and of course your daughter Shannon-Rose all have criminal records and have served or are serving time in prison for murder, other violent crimes and/or drug dealing. Is that not the case?’
‘Aye, but –’
‘Isn’t it the case that your husband Jed has been convicted of numerous crimes of violence? In one particularly disturbing case, didn’t he keep his victim, a rival dealer, locked in a dog’s cage for a week in his own filth, sever three of his fingers and both earlobes, and make him eat them? He enjoys torturing his victims, doesn’t he, Mrs Johnson?’
‘Aye, when he was young he was maybe a mad bastard right enough, but now he’s sakeless so he is.’