Flora gasped, desperately appealing to Beckie with her eyes: Don’t believe her, don’t believe her!
‘What’s a… a flick-knife?’ Beckie sounded so scared.
‘It’s a fucking murder weapon, hen. See the blade on that?’ Caroline nudged it with the toe of her flip-flop. ‘Flora, Flora, what next, eh?’
And suddenly the weight on her back was gone. She rolled over to see the boy, Connor, wrestling with Jed. And a darting movement from Beckie, and then Beckie was standing with the flick-knife pointed, wobbling, at Caroline.
The wee diddy! He’s rolling on Jed and Jed’s like that: ‘Fucking wee wanker!’ and Bekki’s pulling away and squatting and Jesus Chutney, she’s only got the fucking chib, and that bitch Flora is getting up and I’m like that:
‘Bekki-hen, come here to me hen, I’ll no let her hurt you’ and wee Bekki’s looking at the bitch and then she’s looking at me and she’s got the chib in her hand and she’s all, ‘You’re a fucking liar’ and I’m ‘Naw hen’ and she’s ‘Mum would never hurt me. You wrote that letter and you said really horrible things’ and I’m ‘Naw hen’ and she’s ‘You said Mum told me she killed Dad but how could you know that because I never told you what was in the letter and you couldn’t have read it because I tore it up and put the bits in the bin’ and right enough, she’s one smart cookie so she is, and I’m ‘Aye, maybe there was a wee bit deception there but it was for your own good, aye? It’s all for your own good, Bekki, it’s all for you, my wee darlin’, it’s all of it been for you.’
And then the bitch is ‘Come here, Bekki!’ and Jed’s roaring at Connor and I’m snatching at the wean and the chib, it’s like it’s in slow motion, eh, the chib’s coming at me and it’s in my fucking neck.
‘I hate you!’ Bekki’s greeting, and I cannae speak, eh, and I’m on the deck and Connor’s like that: ‘Maw!’ and the wee diddy’s taken the chib out my neck and the blood’s pouring out me and I get my fingers in the hole and I’m ‘It’s okay hen, it’s okay.’ There’s grey circles in my eyes but I manage to say it:
‘A wee accident, eh?’
Fuck it, but.
39
Five Years Later
I touch each of the bonsais for luck – Pinkie, Perkie and little Podgie, who’s the least valuable because he’s got a funny bushy shape but he’s the cutest. Then I put my finger on the glass over a bit of Mimi. ‘See you guys later.’
They’re on the windowsill with the best view. Both the windows on this side of my room look over the trees and two of our fields – I can see Marvin’s big arse, he’s chomping away on the grass as usual – and after the fields there’s the dunes, and then there’s the lovely blue of the Tasman Sea and I’m already thinking about tomorrow morning when Mum and Connor and Erin and I are going hacking to the beach on Brodie and Sam and Turpin and either Bindie or Marvin, depending on whether Bindie’s leg is still giving her a problem, but Erin really loves Bindie so I’m hoping it’ll be possible for her to ride her and Marvin’s such an old slowcoach, he’s not ideal for a hack.
Our house is a big old farmhouse up on a little hill, what they call a ‘colonial homestead’, and it’s really desirable because there are hardly any old houses here, most of the houses are newish bungalows like the one Connor and Erin and Carly and Willow live in in Westport, which is still really nice but not as nice? Our house was built in 1896 and has massive gorgeous big rooms. My room is like something from a magazine, with sloping bits of wall and a fireplace where you can have real fires in the winter, if it’s like really cold, and wooden walls that I painted myself in this colour called Mizzle. It’s a kind of a pale greeny-blue?
Down from the window I can see the roof of the veranda where the two rurus were last night. They’re way cuter than British owls. I was in bed and I heard them doing their ruuuu-ru call, like really close, so close I thought Are they inside the room?! and I tippy-toed out of bed to the window and there they were! Two of the little guys just sitting there side by side on the veranda roof right under my window! I could see their big golden eyes in the dark. They were the cutest! No sign of them now, but maybe they’ll be back tonight.
Dad would have so loved it here.
Every time I look at Pinkie and Perkie and Podgie and Mimi I think about Dad but also that man Brian who rescued them from my room in that house because he knew they were special, after Bitch left them to die after she told me she was getting them posted to Spain.
Such a fucking liar.
What’s really unbelievable, when I think about it, is I thought Connor and Carly would totally hate me after I killed their ‘Maw’ but they don’t. Right enough, they think I didn’t mean to kill her. They think I was so scared I didn’t know what I was doing and I was just trying to keep her away from me. And I’ve pretended to be all guilty and everything and all sad that the ambulance got there too late.
Mum and I had gone by then so I didn’t see Bitch actually die. Connor told us to just go, to run – he said he’d tell the police, and Mandy as well, that me and Mum had run off and then Jed had stabbed Bitch. And then Mum could call the police and make out like We’ve just escaped from the Johnsons – Help! as if she didn’t know the stabbing had even happened.
So that’s what we did.
And now Jed and Ryan are both in prison.
Result!
I get my bag from where I dumped it on the chair and run downstairs.
Mum’s clearing the table. She’s all ‘My little girl’s first date’ and I’m ‘Mu-uuum.’ I’m not a little girl, I’m like fifteen?
‘You look beautiful!’
I so don’t. I’m just in old jeans and a shirt and no make-up, or hardly any, because it’s no big deal.
Then she starts, ‘Now, don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with’ and I’m ‘Mu-uuum!’ and then I’m ‘Relax, I’m not going to have sex or anything’ and she’s ‘Well, that’s a relief!’ and I can tell she’s trying not to laugh.
But sex is so gross. I’m not having it till I’m like twenty at least. Connor says he was twenty-one when he first had it. I know it’s not cool to think sex is gross but it so is? Mibs, my best friend, she agrees. But I’m pretty sure Andrew doesn’t, so I’ve laid down some ground rules, just to make sure everything’s clear from the start, and now I’m telling Mum:
‘He knows there’s going to be no physical contact until the third date. Then holding hands and maybe kissing but that’s it. He’s cool with that.’
‘I should hope so!’
‘He’s not a jock or anything, he’s pretty much king of the super-nerds, and he’s not good-looking so it’s kind of I’ll take what I can get, you know?’
‘Beckie!’
Now we can hear an engine on the track and we go out onto the veranda to wave at Connor’s car. He’s driving me to Andrew’s house and then he’s driving us both to the NBS Theatre in Westport, where Pippa works, to see the Star Wars film which is going to be mobbed by kids and nerds and Pippa will like probably sit with us, and Connor’s picking us up right after the film, so even if I wanted to have sex how could I?
It’s really nice and warm but not too hot on the veranda and there’s a lovely breeze, and we sit on the swing seat and swing ourselves and breathe in the lovely piney smell of the trees.