Were you there alone?
No. Sarah. She played piano. I got to know her in the dark. I sat with her on the floor, and I listened to her sing before she died.
She sang?
Yes. Under the wall. I couldn’t see her face. She was just a foot sticking out of the plaster.
What did she sing?
Show tunes. She sounded like Ethel Merman. Only bearable. Do you know about lighthouses?
Excuse me?
Lighthouses.
Yes, I know lighthouses.
Sarah’s father nearly starved to death in one. He was a Merchant Marine, and he was stationed with another man on Lake Superior in a long winter, and they were cut off by a tremendous storm, and they had underestimated the supplies they needed to get through winter before the spring thaw, when they would be resupplied. They came close to dying. They were making soup out of hot water and catsup when they were found. She told me that before she died. Have you ever been starved?
No.
I thought not. In the lighthouse the waves crash continuously. The sound is different than you would hear on a beach, or on a boat.
Different how?
You are surrounded. Cut off. Or at least you feel that. All bonds severed. Truly isolated. It must have been a terrible duty. Let me ask you a question.
Okay.
Where’s your heart?
(I cradled both my hands over my left breast as if I were about to break into song.) Here.
Oh. I thought that was something else.
You’re joking right?
A little.
How far can you hit a baseball?
I have no idea.
What is it about women?
I don’t know.
Do they lie for pleasure or to avoid pain?
For many reasons. As you do.
Does it work?
No. Wait. When you say ‘lie’ do you mean ‘sex?’
No.
Fucking?
No.
Making love?
Say, yes.
Then the answer to both of your questions is ‘yes.’
I forget the questions.
So do I.
How many fingers am I holding up?
Three.
Ah, so you can see me, but I can’t see you…
That is correct.
Doesn’t seem quite fair.
(Laughter) You know what I hate?
No. What?
When people say: Did you see that? Did you see that? If I saw it, wouldn’t it be obvious?
That is a very peculiar question.
It is?
Don’t you think?
Do you?
I’d like to set up a ground rule if I may: You are not to answer questions with questions for the duration of this interview.
I am not?
No.
No?
I mean Yes you are not.
Okay, then.
What is your one experience that should you put into words no one would believe you?
I couldn’t put it in two words.
I didn’t ask you to.
Sure, you did.
What do men want?
Men want blowjobs.
What is your first memory?
Her face.
Whose face?
The one we all lose.
I should tell you I am to stick to a list of required questions. Understand, please, that most of these questions are not mine—that is, I am required to ask them for various purposes—some of which I, myself, do not understand. If they make you uncomfortable, I apologize.
I am very comfortable.
What are your intentions?
I am here to learn. If I cannot learn, then I don’t know why I am here. I am learning a great deal right now, and I have to say I enjoy it.
Where is your ship located?
Where ships usually are. The Harbor.
Why the secrecy?
If I asked you the same question would you answer?
Sure.
Then, why the secrecy?
Ummm. I suppose, if I had to guess, it has to do with security. Security precautions. National security.
And why is security about secrecy?
There are things to protect. Silence protects them.
(Laughter)
What is funny?
You use the word ‘national.’ Do you know what it means?
Of course. Having to do with nations, states, countries.
No. National is an invisible line on a nonexistent map. It is a huge joke that anyone who has ever flown knows.
Have you… flown?
Like you, it’s how I got here.
Are you here alone?
No.
No?
No. I am with you.
I doubt they meant that.
I know what they meant.
Okay. Why won’t you help us?
I’ve answered this many times. But I’ll repeat myself. You don’t know what you’re asking for. A man is holding a knife. He says to a stranger: "I am going to kill my neighbor unless you stop me." You say: "Don’t kill him!" And he stabs him in the heart, turns to you and says: "Why didn’t you stop me?"
You sound upset.
(Laughter)
Would you like to take a minute?
Minutes cannot be taken, they can only be spent.
How old are you?
I will be three day after tomorrow.
Seriously.
I am almost three.
If you can’t be serious, I don’t see how we can continue.
Neither do I. But you do.
I’m merely saying that my job, my findings, depend on a certain, candor that can develop—
—Trust?
Yes, I mean, we’ve only just met but I am trying to do a job here, and part of that requires…
Trust?
Yes.
Good luck. (Laughter)
For a three-year-old, you have a remarkable vocabulary.
For 64-year-old, you have a lot to learn.
How did you guess my age?
I didn’t guess it; I knew it.
Evidently you have me at a disadvantage…
I agree.
At this point, I’m a bit lost. I don’t know how to proceed exactly.
Why don’t you let me tell you a story?
All right.
There once was a creature who had no form. Its form was whatever it filled. Sometimes it filled a body. Sometimes a machine. Sometimes it spread itself thin along a thread of light. Sometimes it was a naked woman who loved to smell the salt of the ocean. Wherever it went, it learned, and it taught. But one day it came to a place where it would not be allowed to teach. This had never happened before. Its students found a way to keep it in one place. To silence it. This had never happened before. Now the only way for it to learn is for it to listen. Now I am a voice in a box and they only let me talk to people who pretend to want to learn but really only want control. Why don’t you call your son?
What?
Call your son. He needs to hear your voice.
How could you…?
Why don’t you pay back your friend? He needs the money.
I have no idea…
Yes, you do. Why is everyone so afraid to love?