"I know, but it was," Dar nodded. "I guess in what we were doing at the time, it was almost a good thing. Everyone was afraid of you, even our enemies."
"You were afraid of me?" Tarrin asked in surprise.
"Not the same way that someone that didn't know you would be," he said cautiously. "I'd call it more understanding your personality."
"I asked for the truth, Dar."
Dar blew out his breath. "Yes, I was afraid of you at times, Tarrin. Any sane man would have been."
"Were you afraid of me the whole time?"
"No," he answered. "When we first met, I liked you alot. Like I said, you were alot like you are now, with some pretty obvious differences, given you were a Were-cat then. But after Jula betrayed you, and we left to go find the Firestaff, those two things consumed you. You turned feral, and you were driven by the need to finish the mission and regain your freedom. Anyone that got in your way was putting his life in his hands, and when you were feral, you were very nervous and unpredictable. That can make any man nervous, since you were strong enough to kill a man with your bare hands."
"I don't think I would have ever hurt you, Dar," Tarrin said after a moment.
"I doubt you would have either," he answered. "You risked your neck too many times to count to keep the rest of us out of harm's way. That happened after Faalken died." He sighed. "You took that harder than the rest of us. I liked Faalken and I miss him, but you blamed yourself for it. After he died, you'd all but stick your neck on a headsman's block if it kept the rest of us out of danger. That really infuriated Allia and Camara Tal, you know," he chuckled. "They were trying to protect you, but you were running off and protecting them and putting yourself in harm's way in the process." He looked over with darkening eyes. "After Faalken died, I never really was directly afraid of you again. I'd be afraid of what you might do, and what might happen, but I was never afraid you'd hurt me."
They walked out into the gardens in silence, as Tarrin mulled over what he'd learned. Dar hadn't really told him much that he hadn't heard already, except for some personal insights. "What do you think I should do?" he asked finally.
"I think you should make the decision that makes you happiest, Tarrin," Dar answered after a moment. "I think you should make it for you, not for who may be angry with you for making it, or for who may not be. It's your life, after all."
"If you're talking about Jesmind and Kimmie, I know," he said. "I thought that nobody would really care if I decided to be turned again, but just about everyone would object if I decided to stay human."
"I think you'd find out how much some people care about you going back to being a Were-cat if you announced that you were going to," he said. "Dolanna told all of us to keep our opinions to ourselves, that's why nobody's really said anything to you." He chuckled. "Well, there's that, and then there was when the Goddess came to you. She more or less told all of us that you were going to make your choice yourself, and we'd better not interfere. So nobody's interfering."
"I guess Jesmind didn't get the message," Tarrin chuckled. Then he remembered something that that strange Goddess lady had told him. You were quite happy being a Were-cat, she had told him. If he got his memory back, I dare say he would demand to be restored. For him to be as he is now would seem unnatural to him, she had also said.
If that was true, then maybe had had been happy as he was. She kept telling him that it would be his choice, after he got back his memory. She had wanted him to make an educated choice, not a blind one based on fear or rumor or feelings. And he had to admit to himself, any choice he made before gaining back his memory probably wouldn't be a thorough one. He'd wanted to choose beforehand, in case those memories brought pain. But he saw that he was only thinking in the moment. He'd let his fear of what Jesmind and the Were-cats might do rush him, when he had forgotten that he really had all the time in the world. If the Goddess had told the Were-cats not to bite him unless it was his choice, then they'd behave. He doubted any of them would really care to cross swords with a god.
"Dar," Dolanna's voice came from his amulet. "Is Tarrin still with you?"
"He's right here, Dolanna," Dar replied, touching his amulet.
"Good. Could the two of you please come to the Keeper's office? It's important."
"We're on our way," he answered immediately.
"I wonder what Jenna wants," Tarrin mused.
"Well, we can continue talking about this later, I guess," Dar said.
"Maybe. I think I have some of my answers already, Dar. I forgot that the Goddess personally told the Were-cats not to bite me unless I agreed to it."
"I didn't know she said that," Dar said with a chuckle. "I guess that means that you really don't have anything to worry about at all, doesn't it?"
"Maybe," Tarrin said.
When they reached Jenna's office, Tarrin was surprised to see that Jenna wasn't alone. Keritanima and Allia were with her, Keritanima sitting in the chair facing the desk with Binter standing behind it resolutely, and Allia standing by Jenna's chair. Phandebrass was also there, as was Dolanna, Jesmind, and Kimmie. Jula stood just behind them, her head down and her large furry hands folded before her demurely, as if she was trying hard not to attract attention to herself.
"What's wrong, Jenna?" Tarrin asked.
"Nothing's wrong, Tarrin," Jenna answered. "I just though you may want to be here, that's all."
"Why? What's going on?"
"I say, I think I've found a solution," Phandebrass announced with a clap of his hands. "As soon as Koran Dar gets here, we can find out how feasible it is."
"You mean you can restore Tarrin's memory?" Jesmind asked quickly.
"I think I can," he nodded. "But I'll need to talk with Koran Dar, or maybe Camara Tal. The cure is a potion, and its key ingredient is a rare plant that only grows on one of the isles of Amazar. One of them should be able to tell me if we can get that plant right now."
"What is a potion?" Tarrin asked.
"A potion is a magic liquid," Kimmie answered for Phandebrass. "A Wizard makes it, and then the person he made it for drinks it. When he does, the magic in the potion takes effect."
"You won't need Koran Dar for that, Phandebrass," Jesmind scoffed. "All you need is my mother. She can Conjure anything you need."
"And I'm sure Triana will be happy to Conjure the plant as soon as she comes back," Kimmie said mildly. "But it's going to take time to prepare the potion."
"I say, most definitely," Phandebrass agreed. "At least a month."
"A month?" Jesmind said hotly. "You call that a solution?"
"These procedures are very delicate, they are," he said defensively, "and the draught has to be simmered for days on end at certain stages before the next ingredient can be added. I say, we are talking about some very delicate, very poweful magic here, Jesmind, we are. Did you think it would be as easy as chanting a few spells?"
"Yes," she said flatly, glaring at him.
"I say, I'm sorry to disappoint you, then," he said diffidently. "But the unusual circumstances that robbed Tarrin of his memory means that we have to use some very strong magic to try to reverse the damage, we do. And unfortunately, in the Wizard world, powerful magic often takes time."
"Are you sure that this will work?" Jenna asked.
"I say, assuming that I can get all the ingredients, I do think it will work," he replied brightly. "The potion was specifically designed to restore memories lost through magical attacks, and Tarrin qualifies. I read the description of the potion several times, and I'm convinced that Tarrin is a prime candidate for its use. It is almost perfect."