Tarrin set Jasana down on the ground, and she held onto his hand for a long moment. "How did you bite Jula, Papa?" she asked curiously. "Mama never told me."
Tarrin gave her a strange look, but it was nothing compared to the strangled look that Jula gave the Were-cat girl. "Don't you remember, Jasana? I lost my memory."
"Oh," she frowned. "How did it happen, Jula?" she asked.
"Tarrin didn't bite me," she said shortly. "I did this to myself."
"How can you bite yourself?"
"It's hard to explain, cub," she told her. "And I don't think it's something that a little girl should hear."
Jasana pursed her lips, but said nothing more.
They had told Tarrin about that, that Jula had used his blood to turn herself after he had mortally wounded her and left her to die. It was a testament to both how nasty he'd become at that time and how far Jula would go to stay alive. But from what he'd been told, Tarrin had more or less forgiven Jula for everything she did to him, had even accepted her as an adopted daughter, which was why she remained with Jesmind and Jasana.
They met Jesmind in the kitchens, and as usual over the last few days, Tarrin greeted her with guarded manners. He was grateful that she was keeping Auli at bay, but the truth of the matter was that he still wasn't very happy with her for her following him around. She was still doing it. The only reason he knew that she was was because Jasana had a big mouth. He hadn't seen her, and she wasn't showing herself to warn off Auli. He guessed she decided not to intervene unless things got serious. Jesmind gave him that same look she always did, a look of concern, pity, irritation, and anger as she picked up Jasana. "It's time for her lesson," she announced curtly. "I hope you don't mind."
"No, it's alright," Tarrin told her. "Look's like fun's over, Jasana," he told her with a smile. "I guess you have work to do now."
"Aww, I don't wanna go to lessons today," she complained.
"You almost tore off my tail to get Jenna to teach you again after she punished you, and now you don't want to go? I don't think so, cub," Jesmind told her sharply.
"What did she get punished for?" he asked curiously.
"Using magic outside of lessons," Jesmind said. "She's not allowed to do that."
"I just wanted to see if it would work, that's all," Jasana said in a slightly challenging tone. "I didn't do anything serious."
"You call turning the Southeast Tower pink not serious?" Jesmind scoffed.
"It's not like I broke anything," she complained.
"Maybe not, but you have no idea how ugly that was," Jesmind told Tarrin offhandedly.
Tarrin was silently impressed. To have enough magical power to change the color of something as big as one of the splinter towers, that was some magic.
"Enough chatter, cub, we're going to be late. You coming up for dinner, Tarrin?"
"I guess so," he told her.
"Don't be late," she said with a slight smile, and then she carried her daugher out.
Jula stayed with him as they got something to eat, and then him and the Were-cat woman walked back outside. Tarrin didn't like staying inside, not when the summer weather was so warm and beautiful. She walked along with him in silence, but he could tell that she was a little tense. She always seemed to be tense when they were alone, and he wasn't sure why. Well, there was one way to find out.
"Why are you always so nervous around me, Jula?" he asked directly.
It seemed to surprise her that he would ask that. She looked away for a moment, and Tarrin realized how pretty she was, looking at her profile that way. "Since you lost your memory, I know that they're telling you about your past."
"They have been."
"Then I'm sure they've told you about our, history," she said with a telling pause.
"That's all that has you worried?" he asked in surprise. "Even if I did remember it, it's old news, Jula."
She looked at him in surprise.
"Did you think I was going to hate you for what I've heard?"
She looked a little chagrined. "I guess I did," she admitted.
"Well, it's not what happened before, it's what I see now that's important," he said. "I may not remember anything that happened, but the fact that you're virtually a member of my family tells me everything I need to know. People change, Jula. I'm pretty sure about that, given what I've heard about myself. There may have been something very bad in our pasts, but that doesn't really matter. From what I've heard, I let it go, and you must have let it go, so consider it nothing to worry about."
"I'd like to believe that, Tarrin, but I don't think you understand."
"I understand perfectly," he said. "What you did to me made me feral, and that's the main reason I did some of the awful things I did in the past." She was silent, looking at her feet as they walked. "But I changed. They told me that I was feral when I went into the desert, and I wasn't when I came out-well, not completely. So everything turned out alright. Does it matter what happened before that?"
"It does to me," she muttered.
"Alright then, answer me this. Why do you stay with Jesmind and Jasana?"
"Because I'm not a full adult yet," she answered. "I'm still a child. I have to stay with Jesmind."
"Staying with her isn't the same as living with her," Tarrin noted. "I've seen how she acts towards you, Jula. She treats you like a daughter, and Jasana thinks you're her sister. You're a member of the family, and you act like one. You help watch Jasana, and you do what you can for Jesmind. You don't have to do those things. Why do you do them?"
Jula was quiet a long moment. "Because you took me in when everyone else threw me away," she answered in a quiet yet emotional voice. "You were kind to me when no one else was. You took me in when I was all but mad and ready to kill myself, and you wouldn't give up on me. I promised you I'd be a good daughter, and I owe you much more than that. More than I'll ever be able to repay."
He'd known about that, but to hear about it from her point of view, it explained everything now. She was terrified that the biggest person in her life that mattered to her, the one she saw as her father figure, was going to reject her. That, and he could tell that she just couldn't forget the past, becuase she was the one that they were all talking about. Jula had been the one to betray Tarrin and turn him feral, and no matter how many people forgot about that, she never would. She still felt guilty over it.
"Don't worry about it, Jula," he said gently. "You don't owe me anything. I'd much rather you be my friend than my servant."
That statement, carefully weighed as the easiest way to relieve her fears without coming right out and addressing them, seemed to have the effect he intended. Jula relaxed visibly, and then gave him a look of such profound gratitude that it nearly made his emotional. She reached out and put her big hand on his shoulder. "Triana said you'd be full of surprises," she said with a wan smile. "Am I that transparent?"
"I just knew what to look for, that's all," he smiled. "I'm not going to turn my back on you, Jula. I didn't before, and I won't now."
She gave him a glorious smile, then actually hugged him gently. "Even now, you're still too good to me, father," she said sincerely.
It felt strange to hear her call him that, but she meant it, so he wasn't going to raise a fuss about it. "Tell me about how you ended up as a Were-cat," he asked.
They stepped out of the Tower and out onto the pathway that led to the gardens. "I'm sure they already told you," she said, "so I don't have to go into all the details. After Kerri and Allia rescued you from the Cathedral of Karas, you caught up with me here in the Tower before I could get away. You crippled me and left me to die. I don't blame you for that," she said quickly. "After everything I'd just done to you, I more than deserved it. I had a vial of your blood with me, and I used that to turn myself in order to survive."