He understood completely, because he'd been thinking the same kinds of things lately. That he may have to make his choice based on what was needed of him, not what he wanted to do. "It just never seems to be easy anymore, does it?" he asked.
"Sometimes I wonder why I ever left Aldreth," she said with a wan smile.
"Me too."
"Well, I'll send you someone to help you put your room back together, Tarrin," she promised. "They can fix everything that Jesmind broke, so don't worry. After that, I suggest you hang around your room a while. Triana's going to be looking for you, and I suggest you be where she can find you quickly."
"That's a good idea."
They both got up, and Jenna came around her desk and gave him a very tight hug. Then she kissed him on the cheek and smiled up at him. "Alright, if you need me, just send word. I'll be here whenever you need me, alright?"
"I appreciate that, Jenna. I guess it's good to have a relative in the big chair," he said with a smile.
She giggled. "I guess it is. When you're sitting in one, I'm going to be there with my hand out."
"Like that's going to happen," he scoffed.
It was an absolute disaster.
Tarrin shuffled through the remains of his room, stopping every few seconds to try to identify something laying on the floor. He'd never seen such a mess. Not satisfied by destroying the furniture, she must have turned around and started destroying the pieces as well, systematically breaking everything into smaller and smaller pieces, until there was nothing left larger than a child's head. The debris was nearly ankle deep on the floor of the room, a jumbled mess of torn wood, ripped cloth, and broken metal. She had destroyed the furniture, torn up the tapestries, ripped up every stitch of clothing, broken every decoration, and destroyed all his personal effects. There was absolutely nothing left that he could find as he picked through the debris, nothing even remotely identifiable. He knelt and frowned when he found the hilt of his dagger, the dagger he'd won the the staves competition in Aldreth just before he left with Dolanna. The blade was snapped off at the hilt, and the hilt itself, fashioned to look like a falcon, was twisted and bent, as if crushed in Jesmind's hand. He was a little dismayed to see that; Jesmind had to be alot stronger than he thought in order to bend the steel like this.
Continuing to rummage through the wreckage, he could find nothing else even remotely resembling anything that had once been in the room. There were bits and pieces of fabric that he could only identify because of its color, the blue bedspread and curtains, the white sheets, the leather bits that had once been his favorite leather breeches. He found some fragments of the wash basin and pitcher, for they were the only pieces of porcelain in the room, and he did find enough of a piece of one of the legs of the washstand to identify it. Aside from that, nothing was recognizable. The Sorcerers that arrived on Jenna's behest took one look inside the room and shook their heads, and tersely informed him that everything was simply too far gone even for magic to restore them.
Nearly a half an hour of searching rewarded him, however, for he finally found something that wasn't broken. It was a tiny wooden doll, painted to look like it was dressed, but most of the paint was faded or worn away. It had scratch marks in it, and a string had been tied around its neck, which was now frayed. He didn't remember the old thing, but touching it conjured up an image of a darling little girl with big eyes and long, lustrous hair. The memory of the little girl caused a sense of peace and contentment in him that was almost scary. He realized that the little girl had to be Janette, the girl who had taken care of him when he'd fled from the Tower. She certainly was cute. He held the doll in his closed fist, understanding that this little trinket had to have tremendous meaning to him for him to keep it all this time. Maybe it was reminder of the time with her, or just a keepsake of her. If that flash of memory was any indication of his feelings for Janette, then he must have loved that little girl as deeply as he loved his own daughter.
It was, literally, the only thing he had left. He didn't have much, but all of it was now gone. All he had was what he was wearing, the things stored in the elsewhere like his staff and sword, the Firestaff, and this little doll. Everything else had been destroyed in the wake of Jesmind's wrath. All his clothes, all the little keepsakes and knick-knacks he'd gathered up on his travels, it was all destroyed.
Despite not remembering gathering any of it up, looking around the room offended Tarrin in the most intimate manner. Jesmind had tried to control his life, and now she had destroyed everything that could have reminded him of who he had once been, everything that he had called his own. All of it gone, much of it before he had a chance to find out what it was and what it had meant to him. It was like she was smothering him, depriving him of what happiness he could try to find in his current condition in some kind of attempt to force him to do what she wanted. He had spent a night with Auli, and Jesmind punished him for it by destroying everything he owned. The only happiness she seemed willing to afford him was spending time with his daughter. Everything else was not acceptable in her eyes. The only friends he could have were the ones she approved of. The only life he could have was the life she wanted him to live. He was just about sick of it.
Gently putting the little doll in his pocket, he looked over the room one more time and shook his head. This just couldn't go on anymore. He had to put a stop to it. If he didn't, Jesmind was going to completely take over his life, and it would be like he was a toddler again, tied to her apron strings and forced to do nothing but follow her. It didn't matter how much she loved him or what he meant to the other Were-cats. They had to understand that it was his life, and that meant that it was him who would decide its course.
Jenna was right. This was going to put a rift between him and his daughter, because he didn't think he could stand sitting in the same room with Jesmind right now.
"Tarrin?"
It was Triana. He turned and looked at her, and saw that she wasn't alone. A rather short Were-cat female with very short black hair, black fur, and wearing torn old leather trousers and a half-vest of sorts stood just beside and behind her. She was a handsome woman, not pretty in a feminine way but still attractive, and she looked into the room with a mixed expression. Her face was grim, but her eyes looked at him with a strange light, as if she were very happy to see him, but surprised at how she had discovered him.
"They said she had a fit. I see they weren't exaggerating," she grunted.
"Did you catch her?" he asked in a grim tone.
"Mist did."
"She put up quite a fight," the smaller Were-cat said in an amused tone.
"Then keep her away from me," he said. "I don't want to see her, I don't want to talk to her. I don't even want to think about her."
"It's not that bad, cub," Triana said in a worried voice. "We can fix all this."
"That's not the point!" he shouted, turning on her. For a moment, he realized he was shouting at Triana, but he knew that he couldn't back down now. "I'm tired of all of you trying to run my life! I didn't want what happened with Auli, but Jesmind decided that destroying everything I own was a good way to get back at me for it! Look, Triana! All I have now are the clothes on my back! She had no right to do this!"
"She wasn't in control of herself, cub," Triana said defensively. "She was in a rage. If she had, she wouldn't have done this."
"That's no excuse!" he shouted. "She got like that because she doesn't want me to live any kind of life like this! Well, I'm sick of it! I'm not going to sit in a closet and just do nothing waiting for Phandebrass to finish his magic! And that's exactly what she wants me to do! She doesn't want me doing anything I might like! She wants me to be miserable and bored because she thinks it'll make me want to be a Were-cat again! Well you tell her that this little stunt doesn't do anything but make me want to stay human! If this is the real Jesmind, then I don't want any part of her!"