"I know it upsets you, but this is a very emotional issue for them, small one," she said in a calm voice. "They may not seem like it, but they all love you very much. They care about what happens to you. That's why this has gotten them so worked up. I care about you even more than them, but at least I understand the core of things. As long as you are happy, then I am happy, no matter what you choose to be."
"Why can't they understand that?" he asked plaintively.
"Because they look at you in a way flavored by themselves," she said simply. "Dolanna and Dar are human, so it is natural for them to want you to stay that way. Jesmind and Kimmie were your mates, so they want you back. Allia sees you through her honor, and Miranda sees you through your devotion. Keritanima sees only what she wants in you," she said sourly. "Each of them sees you a different way, but it's a way influenced by themselves. It is only natural for one to see another through shaded eyes. I often think it a great waste you were born a biped," she admitted with a slight smile. "Not all of them think that way, though. The Were-cat, Mist, she understands. So does Camara Tal, and Azakar. Wise humans, those two. They even impress me. They see the truth of it. But it's not a truth you can just say to another. It's a truth that each of them must discover for himself."
"Maybe, but I'd really appreciate it if they'd discover it already," he said petulantly.
Sapphire actually laughed. "Spoken like a true child," she teased. "It is always now now now for you young ones. The years will teach you that time is not an enemy, and each thing comes at its proper time and in its proper place. To rush such things is inviting disaster."
"It already feels like a disaster," he complained.
"Perhaps. Or perhaps now they will see with eyes untainted by what comes from within. Only time will tell. Just don't forget that no matter how much they annoy you, they are still clan to you, small one. Clan is all. Things like this, they pass with the blowing sands. Clan is the rock beneath, the rock the sands cannot change. Keep your feet on the rock, small one. Reach through the sand and always keep your feet on the rock."
Strangely enough, that made him feel better. Sapphire was a very wise dragon, and though she hadn't comforted him in so many words, her assurances eased his mind in ways that cooing and baby talk never could. She reminded him that all the fighting was because his friends cared about him and only wanted what was best for him, and that in time, it would all be forgotten. The foundation of the friendships shared among their circle ran too deeply for them to be eroded by so petty a division. All he had to do was wait it out. If anything, the potion would end all of it. When he got his memory back, this would be a moot point.
He just had to wait for that day.
Though Tarrin calmed down after his outburst, his resolve became as steely as his feud with Jesmind. He told them that he didn't want to see any of them or talk to any of them, and he held by that declaration. He stayed in his room most of the day, and he made sure that the Knights did not let anyone past them. The only ones allowed into his room were Jula, Mist, his children, Auli, Jenna, Triana, Azakar, Camara and Koran Tal, and Sapphire. He exiled everyone else from his presence, and would not have anything to do with them. He wasn't angry now, but he wanted to drive home the realization that their petty fighting had seriously upset him, and it was not something that just saying I'm sorry was going to fix. He didn't want to hear their excuses, he didn't want to hear them accusing one another of misconduct, and he certainly didn't want to turn into a referee at some kind of grotesque mass wrestling match. And that would be exactly what he would become if he listened to them, he was sure of it. They'd come to him and lay down their case and want him to say they were right, and he wasn't going to do that. It would only make everyone even madder, and he wasn't going to justify their squabbling in any manner at all.
What his decision did was literally imprison himself in his own room. He knew that if he walked the halls, they'd track him down, and he'd have a hard time getting away from them. He didn't like not talking to them, but in this case it was a simple matter of it hurting him more than them. But he knew that it had to be done, or this stupid dispute was never going to go away. He had to make them understand that it didn't matter who was right or who was wrong. When he did go out, it was with a quartet of Knights and Sapphire, and that entourage kept everyone away from him very effectively.
The only other time he went out was at night, and it was with Auli. They would sneak out and get into trouble, though nobody could ever pin anything to them because they were too good at sneaking away. Tarrin's fury included Dar, and that excluded him from their nightly wanderings. Tarrin missed his friend, but he was not going to give in on this. Because they were so good at sneaking, it also let them avoid his other friends, even when they were actively out looking for him. The nightly excursions with Auli weren't done in secrecy, for Jesmind's nearness touched on Tarrin from time to time, as she shadowed the two troublemakers and kept an eye on him, ready to pounce if she saw Auli do anything forward.
The exile of his friends and family made slow days become almost unbearable. Every day was a monotony of sameness, and he got tired of his room very quickly. Spending time with his children was always good, though the room was too small for the energetic Eron, and it didn't take him long to break things. Auli played chess with him-more like humiliated him on a consistent basis-and Jenna kept him apprised of what was going on outside his room, with both his friends and the potion. Mist and Jula spent alot of time with him, talking to him about his past, and also telling him about Were-cat society and some of the other customs of the other woodland folk, what they called Fae-da'Nar. Camara Tal brought him books, and Sapphire actually started teaching him the language of the dragons as a way to pass the time. Tarrin found out quickly that he had something of a knack for languages, and though he couldn't make some of the sounds Sapphire produced for him, he found that he could understand their meaning after only a few hours of learning the basic grammar and structure of the language. Dragon was a language dependent on the shape of a dragon's maw, and they could make sounds that no human ever could because of the radical difference in anatomy.
Tarrin got quite caught up in his language lessons, and though he lamented at being confined to his room by his own choice, it seemed like only a blink of the eyes between an interminable half-month wait to Jenna's excited declaration that the potion was done brewing, and now only had to sit and steep for two days before it was ready to be used. This news startled Tarrin, and filled him with that same expectant reluctance, that crazy mixture of excitement at regaining his memory, and also fear and anxiety over regaining his memory. He had no idea what he would find out about himself on that fateful day, and he was both looking forward to it and worried about what it would mean.
For one, it would mean that the vacation would be over. He couldn't stay in the Tower, not when everyone and their brother knew he was there, and they knew what he had. He had to leave, to disappear, and he had to do it very quickly. The only reason he hadn't done so already was because he was literally in no condition to do so. In his present state, it would be comparatively easy for someone to capture him and take the Firestaff. Even he could admit that. In his present state, he was literally a farmboy on his first trip outside the protective domain of his village. He didn't know anyone or anything, and he'd be easy prey for an experienced hunter.
Another worry was the simple knowledge that he would again have the mind of the man he had once been. He was sincerely worried about what was going to happen to him. Would he, this Tarrin, simply cease to exist? Would he remember anything at all that happened to him during the loss of his memory? Would the Tarrin of the now be destroyed by the Tarrin of old, or would they join together and become a single person? It seemed a silly thing to worry about, but it had taken to him quite forcefully, and he worried about it quite a bit. But he was too embarassed to admit his fear to anyone else. But it seemed quite a plausible thing to worry about for him. After all, no matter what anyone else thought, that other Tarrin seemed to be alien to him. He was radically different, an unknown, and he seemed ominous and quite dangerous. Fear for himself seemed senseless when they were both the same person, but it was a fear of losing his identity than losing his life.