Then there was all the fighting with his friends. He hoped fervently that him getting his memory back was going to settle those issues, but there was still a lingering worry that some of them may not accept his decision. Camara Tal had said that she wouldn't feel right if he decided to be Were again, because she didn't entirely trust Phandebrass and Kimmie. He was worried that that would be a prevelant concern among all his friends that wanted him to stay human. If he decided to be Were again, they very well may accuse Kimmie and Phandebrass of tampering with him. He couldn't have that. An accusation that serious and horrible would destroy the bonds of friendship that existed within their circle, and no matter how big and bad and dangerous and powerful he was, he knew that if he didn't have his friends, all of them, his chances of success would be greatly diminished. He needed Dolanna's cool reasoning. He needed Keritanima's cleverness. He needed Allia's determination. He needed Dar's friendship, and Miranda's cunning, and Camara Tal's courage, and Azakar's strength, and Phandebrass' intelligence, and Kimmie's devotion. He was going to need all of them, and if they couldn't look at each other, then they couldn't be there when his life may depend on them.
Two days. It seemed a short time, but to him, it was an absolute eternity of frenzied worry and fear and uncertainty. He couldn't concentrate on anything but his own worry. He had trouble eating and sleeping, and he both didn't want to be alone and was distant from the others when he wasn't alone. They seemed to understand that it was a very trying time for him, and they all tried to be supportive without prying. Even Mist seemed willing to give him a little space without going so far that he felt their separation. Jenna was about the only one he really felt comfortable talking with, but he knew that her own loyalties were split within herself. His sister wanted her brother back, but the Keeper needed the Were-cat Tarrin to protect the Firestaff. He could only imagine what kind of torture that was for her, but she never showed any of it to him. She was always smiling, always supportive, and always ready to comfort him if he needed it.
Time had never seemed to drag by so slowly, and more than once he felt like a man waiting for his own execution. Counting every moment, trying to forget about the end but unable to think about anything else. The clock on his wall, that expensive gift, turned into both blessing and curse for him, because it allowed him to see how much time had passed, but also how much there was left. The ticking of the clock seemed to be laughter, as the fickle fates taunted him with every second about what was to come, and the fateful decision that very well destroy the tight circle of friends that had come with him so far, had been through so much. The clock mocked him all day and all night, unable to sleep at all because of his mental turmoil, the sound of its ticking like a raw wound inside his mind that only got worse with each tick. It to be so bad for him that he got out of bed and stopped the clock, unable to take the constant reminder that time was going by too fast, and that it could not go by fast enough.
The first day was an absolute eternity, but the second was even worse. It was like time had stopped, even going backwards, as if stopping the clock caused the gods to punish him by stopping the time that it represented, and he became very moody and irritable. Sapphire stayed with him the entire day, trying to soothe him with her presence and an occasional supportive word, but it didn't do very much good. He had other visitors that day, as Auli came in and tried to get him into a game of chess but failed, then told bawdy jokes and stories to try to make him laugh. But there seemed to be little entertainment in it for him. Camara Tal came in and fed him Amazon zamo, a dish composed of raw meat, ground up and spiced heavily. She said that it would do good for him, and he had to admit that it was rather tasty, but about all it did was give him heartburn.
The only real excitement of the day that caused Tarrin to break his morose reverie was when Jula came rushing in and asked immediately if the children were with him. "They haven't been here today," Sapphire answered for him as he looked up at her.
"Oh, damn," Jula grunted. "Mist is going to kill someone. You know how she is about Eron."
"What happened?" the dragon asked.
"They snuck out of the apartment," she answered. "I thought they came down here. Mist is checking the gardens."
"It's not the first time Jasana's wandered off, I'm sure," Sapphire said calmly. "And you have a nose, if I don't recall, Jula."
"Jasana knows how to lay a false trail," Jula said defensively. "We already tried that."
"Then see Jenna. She can find her inside a heartbeat."
"Why didn't I think of that?" Jula said self-deprecatingly, then she rushed back out of the room.
Jasana and Eron turned up, so he was told, not a moment after Jula scrambled away, found in the baths, where Eron was trying to float a small boat made of oiled parchment and wooden sticks in the bathing pool. Mist didn't like Eron to go into the baths when there were humans present, but it turned out that he had been desperate to test out his boat, so he enrolled Jasana in his conspiracy to escape the apartment and delay the adults long enough to christen his little craft on its maiden voyage in the dangerous waters of the bathing pool. Unfortunately for Eron, Jasana sank his boat with a boot from a Sorcerer taking a bath while shouting that a sea monster had appeared, sending Eron into indignant hysterics and angering the Sorcerer who'd just had his fine leather boot dunked.
The recovery of the children relieved him, but that relief didn't stand long in the face of the enormity of tomorrow. He sank back into his grim worry and excitement, a riot of conflicting emotions that made it hard for him to feel any one way for very long. His mood shifted violently all day, from anger to almost giddiness to depression to fear to almost neurotic concern to stark terror. Sapphire endured it with remarkable stoicism, seeing Tarrin probably at his very worst, consumed by worry and fear and uncertainty over what was to come. She did her best to reassure him, but his own worries and doubts gnawed away whatever comfort her words could instill in him, and made the day creep by with almost maddening slowness.
It was only raw exhaustion that allowed him to get any rest at all. He'd not slept a wink the night before, and the worry and chaos in his mind had expended most of his energy over two days, allowing him to fall into a deep, blissfully dreamless slumber before the sun even went down.
He was shaken out of his heavy sleep, and the return to conscsiousness made his heart seize. He opened his eyes and sat up quickly, and found Jenna leaning over him, hand on his shoulder, with Sapphire perched on her shoulder. "It's time, Tarrin," she said simply, with a neutral expression.
"A-Already?" he asked in a fearful voice.
She nodded. "Phandebrass is waiting outside, and he has it all ready for you. Do you want to drink it here, or somewhere else?"
That question seemed ludicrous to him. As important as this was, and she was worried about where he wanted to drink it? But then again, if something went wrong, he didn't want anything to happen to his room. Maybe he was being paranoid, but he'd already lost all his possessions once, and wasn't willing to risk it happening again. But if he asked to drink it somewhere else, Jenna may think he was being paranoid.
"What do you think I should do?" he asked, a desperate edge to his voice.