Web Site Story

'No thou hast not,' said Big Bob. 'Run woman. Out of the office. Tell someone, anyone, everyone, now.'

'You're scaring me,' said Kathryn, backing towards the door.

'Stay awhile,' said Cowan Phillips. 'Let's have a drink. I've a bottle in my desk.'

'Run,' shouted Big Bob. 'Run, I can't stop him.'

'Stop him?' said Kathryn. 'Stop who? What's going on?'

'It's all right,' said Cowan Phillips, rising slowly from his desk. 'Everything's all right. No-one's going to get hurt. Everything will be all right. It's for the best.'

'No!' said Kathryn, turning towards the door. 'I don't like any of this. I'm out of here.'

But the hands of Cowan Phillips were now about her throat. And her head struck the door with a sickening thud, then the hands drew her back and smashed her forwards once more. Back and forwards, back and forwards.

Like the motions of a swingboat.

Until she was quite dead.

12

'Aaaaaaarrrrrrrghhhhhh!' Big Bob bounced upon his head and burst back into the present day. He landed, with the thud which is known as bone-shuddering, onto the nasty plasticized square on the ersatz turf of the bogus Butt's Estate.

'you were rubbish,' said the great and terrible voice. 'you had three whole hours and you lost the game in less than three minutes.'

'No,' cried Big Bob, all rolled up in a ball. 'Not fair. I didn't do that to the woman. It was Cowan Phillips.'

‘he had to keep the secret. you should have used his memories and found another way to warn the world. you lost big time. that's the second of your three lives gone.'

Big Bob clutched at his aching head. 'You cheat. All the time you cheat. Thou low and loathsome honourless cur.'

'you're A very bad loser,' said the voice and its mocking tone raised Bob to newfound heights of fury.

He leapt up to his feet and shook his fists at the sky. 'I'll do for you,' he shouted. 'You will know my wrath.'

'go on then,' the voice mocked on. 'do your worst. you cannot fight what you cannot see. you are ours to do with as we wish.'

Big Bob sat down on the square and rested his big broad forehead on his knees. He was back in the superman suit, but he felt far from super.

'time for level three,' said the large and terrible voice.

Big Bob rammed his fingers deeply into his ears.

'up and at it,' the voice continued, large and loud as ever.

'Say that again,' said Bob, withdrawing his fingers from his ears.

'you heard me the first time,' Said the Voice.

'Yes,' said Bob nodding. 'I did.'

'then off your bum and on with the game.'

A smile appeared on the face of Big Bob. 'No,' said he. 'I won't.'

'then you will be downloaded into nothingness.'

Big Bob now grinned hugely. 'No,' said he. 'I thinkest not.'

'ten… nine… eight…'

'Forget it,' said Big Bob. 'I'm not frightened at all.'

'you saw what happened to periwig tombs and the lady with the unpronounceable name.'

'Did I?' said Bob. 'I thinkest not, once again.’

‘they vanished away in front of your eyes.’

‘Oh no they didn't,' said Big Bob.

'oh yes they did.'

'Oh no they didn't.'

did.

'Didn't.'

'did.'

'No,' and Big Bob shook his head and then he tapped at his temple. 'It's all here. All in my head. Thou messest with my mind. You told me so yourself. "We're inside your head," you said. And now I know what you are. You're computer-game systems brought to life by this Mute-chip thing. Somehow you got inside me. Now how didst thou do that, I wonder?'

Big Bob scratched at his great big brow. 'I'm not too good on technical stuff,' he said. 'But thou knowest that, for thou art in my head. How so? askest I. How didst thou get into my head?'

'player three you forfeit the game. you're out.'

'you're out?' said Big Bob. 'Yes that's it.'

'he knows,' said the large voice number two. 'he's worked it out.'

'Worked it out,' said Big Bob. 'You've worked your way out.'

'he can't know,' said large voice number one.

'he's just a dim-witted tour bus guide with a cretinous line in cod bible-speak.'

'he had access to the memories of cowan phillips. he's putting two and two together.'

'I know,' said Big Bob, beating his right fist into his big left palm. 'And I could never have reasoned it out if you hadn't let me into Cowan Phillips's head. You have infected me. Like a virus. Indeed yes, a computer virus. The Mute-chip is digitized human DNA. It's inside the computer systems and now it's out. It worked its way out. Thou art very quiet inside my head. Hast thou nothing to say?'

'prepare yourself to be downloaded,' said the large and terrible voice. Although to Big Bob it didn't seem so large and terrible any more. Loud, though. Very loud. And very very angry.

'So I caught you,' said Big Bob. 'I caught the virus, this thing that is affecting my mind. That is letting you manipulate my thoughts. Play your games with me. But, and verily, askest I, how did I catch you? I have no computer. Oh yes. I know.'

'he definitely knows,' said large voice number two.

'The boy on the bus,' said Big Bob. 'Malkuth, son of the lady in the straw hat, whose name no man can pronounce. His mother said that he played computer games all the time. And she kept hitting him. And Periwig and I shook his clammy hand. His clammy and infected hand. I caught you from him.'

'give the geezer a big cigar,' said large voice number two.

'we must give him death,' said large voice number one. 'the knowledge of this secret must die with him.'

'You can't hurt me,' said Big Bob. 'I know what you are. You're an infection. I am big and strong. I can fight you off.'

'oh no you can't,' said the first large and still a little bit terrible voice.

'Oh yes I can,' said Big Bob.

'oh no you can't.'

'And I shan't even bother with that. I shall go at once to the pub, get a few large ones down my neck, have a bit of an early night and you'll be gone by the morning. Thou wormy germs, thou malodorous microbes, thou…' Big Bob flexed his big shoulders and puffed out his big chest. 'Thou losers,' he declared.

All was very silent in his head.

'Fine,' said Big Bob, looking once more all around and about. 'And, thinkest I, we can forget all this folderol.' He blinked his eyes and thought away the Butt's Estate.

And found himself now burning within the fires of Hell.

'No,' said Big Bob, breaking not even a sweat. 'Forget all that too. I must still be in the hospital bed. And somehow you made me invisible to the doctor, didn't you? Oh no, of course you didn't. He was infected too, he touched me. Is that how it was done? Well, I carest not for the whys and wherefore arts. I know what you are and that's all that I need to know.'

And Big Bob thought away the fires of Hell, and lo he was back in the hospital bed.

'Most satisfactory,' said Big Bob Charker.

'I don't feel too satisfactory,' said Periwig Tombs from the bed next to his.

'Periwig my friend,' said Big Bob. 'You are still in the land of the living.'

'I feel like death itself.'

'I will help you out,' said Big Bob. 'But I fear that it would take just a little bit too much explaining. I'll come back for you tomorrow, when I'm all better myself. Let me just say this, you'll be hallucinating a lot, you'll be hearing voices in your head. Ignore anything they say to you. They can't hurt you. Ignorest thou them, wilt thou promise me that?'

Periwig Tombs nodded his big Mekon head and then slowly metamorphosed into a pig.