I snort, sure she’s joking.
She doesn’t laugh, and neither does Bex.
“Why are you both staring at me like that? I expect the third degree from the captain, but not you, Chaos Queen,” I tell Bex.
“Prince Kanuz has a reputation,” Niki says slowly. “Are you sure you are all right?”
“What, you think he Stockholm Syndromed me into falling in love with him? Not a chance. As if I would allow that to happen.”
Carmen looks up from where she’s drawing my blood, using a ridiculously advanced device that must be Suevan, because I can’t make heads or tails of it. She knows what the fuck she’s doing though, thank God. “Durand, you can’t will your way out of Stockholm Syndrome. You’ve been alone in what sounds to be a desperate situation for weeks now. We’re doing our due diligence to ensure that you’re safe.”
“Thanks,” I tell her acidly, yanking my arm away. “What, so you can believe that Captain Jacks is happily fucking her alien boy toy, but Durand is so bitchy that she must have had a lobotomy to fall in love?”
“You really are in love,” Bex says, her voice moony and eyes huge. “I want to hear all about it. All the dirty details.”
“Why can’t you understand them yet?” I ask, dodging her question. I don’t feel like being interrogated about my sex life. My excellent, really great, phenomenal alien sex life.
“We can’t figure out why some of us understand them and some don’t. Carmen, Tati and I have been working on it, but so far, it’s speculation. They’re symbiont tech. Cutting edge, even for the Suevans. We think there must be some kind of neural path rearrangement that they facilitate, but it might take longer on some than others. Tell me about Kanuz. He has quite the reputation among the Suevans. Has he forced you?”
“What?” I ask, aghast. “No. He’s been more gentlemanly than any guy I ever dated on Earth.”
“You didn’t exactly hang around with the cream of the crop,” Bex says.
“Your pulse just spiked,” Carmen observes. She winks at me, and I glare back at her.
“What do you mean Kanuz has a reputation?”
“The other Suevans, they just say he gets around.”
“So what, he’s a manwhore?” I shrug one shoulder. “He’s married now. To me. I’m not worried.”
Niki’s eyes narrow like she’s going to say something else. Instead, she shakes her head, digging through a pile of clothes and tossing a pair of slippers into a basket, then adds several colorful swathes of fabric to it.
“Touchy, touchy,” Bex says.
“You would be touchy, too, if the first thing your friends want to do when they see you after you’ve spent fifteen—”
“Sixteen and a half,” Bex supplies unhelpfully.
“Sixteen and a half days in the alien jungle, fighting for your life against giant snakes and having crazy dinosaurs falling in love with you and making your way through an ancient temple full of death traps and tentacle monsters, and then you get to safety, your friends want to bitch about how your husband was a man whore before you were sold to him in marriage by your own fucking government!” I’m yelling now, nearly shaking with the residual adrenaline of everything I’ve been through. I hate that I can’t get control of myself. I hate that I’ve slipped right back into the old, asshole version of myself, and I sit there steaming, staring at them and daring them to say something else.
“Blood work’s clean,” Carmen announces, staring down at the machine with an awkward expression. “You’re dehydrated and your white blood cell count is unusually high, but not so high that it’s triggering any alarms. I recommend rest, water, food, and more rest.” She wrinkles her nose. “And a bath. With soap. No jungle adventures for at least fourteen days.”
“Hey, that’s in time for the warlord trials,” Bex says.
I don’t know what that is, but I’m too distracted by Niki to ask.
She exhales, relief clear on her face. She obviously thought something was wrong with me, and it hurts my feelings. It hurts my feelings that the only me even my best friend knows is one that’s mean and bitchy and trigger happy.
That she thought seeing me smiling and relaxed in Kanuz’s arms was a sure sign something was wrong.
And I can’t even be fucking mad at her about it because it’s my own stupid fault. I’m the one who’s been unremittingly mean. I’m the one who only ever let everyone see the wall I put around myself, even my closest friends and crew.
“I’m sorry,” I say quietly.
Niki’s expression tightens, and Bex’s mouth opens wide in astonishment.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you. You don’t deserve that.” I rub a hand across the back of my neck. I blow out a breath, making myself meet their eyes in turn. “I have been a shitty friend. None of you deserve the way I treat you.” I lapse into silence, exhaustion stealing over me.
Carmen blinks owlishly up at me, checking the machine again. “Maybe I start you on an antibiotic course just in case. Some supplements. Maybe a banana bag. They have something here that works even better than what we use at home.”
“Sure,” I say, too tired to fight.
I look up at Niki, and she’s biting her lip, the way she does right before she lunges straight for her candy stash when she’s stressed.
“I care about Kanuz. I love him. What we went through out there, it was… life-changing. It changed me.” I swallow down the lump forming in my throat. “He changed me. He reminded me that I don’t have to be so fucking hard all the time. He reminded me that true strength means being weak and asking for help sometimes, too. So thank you, thank you for looking out for me. I know you mean well, and I love you for it. I’m going to get cleaned up now.”
“Gen,” Niki says, her face softening. “I’m so glad you’re back.”
I yelp as something stings my wrist, searing up my veins, and Carmen winces. “Sorry. That’s the antibiotic and supplement cocktail. If anything nasty’s floating around in your bloodstream, it’ll be gone in a jiff.”
“Cool,” I say, the pain already fading.
“The clothes in the basket should fit you.”
“Oh, am I going to look like I belong in I Dream Of Jeannie like the rest of you?”
“They’re comfy,” Bex says, plucking at her voluminous purple sleeve. “And pretty.”
“They are pretty,” I admit.
Niki’s eyes spark. “I have makeup.”
“I don’t remember the last time I put on makeup.”
“I’ll do yours while we fully debrief. Get cleaned up, I’ll order food in, and we’ll look at the makeup Bex made and catch everyone up on everything.”
“Sounds official.”
“Fuck official,” Captain Jacks says. “Fuck the Federation, and fuck everything but getting that tech safely to Earth.”
“And fuck the Roth,” I add for good measure. “Sounds like a plan. I’ll be back when I don’t stink.”
“And literally fuck the Suevans,” Bex adds.
We all stare at her for a second before Niki breaks the tension by laughing. I shake my head. “Where’s the bathroom?”
Niki points to a door in the back of the room, and I stand up, heading for it.
“Wait,” Bex says plaintively, and from the shit-eating-grin on her face, I’m already worried about what’s going to come out of her mouth. “Tell me more about this tentacle monster.” Her eyes are huge, and she bats her lashes.
Shaking my head, I laugh as I leave them for the siren call of hygiene.