Chapter 39
Steve Carlsberg left a couple of messages saying he wondered if maybe Josh’s disappearance had something to do with King City and that Steve had this great idea that Diane should go to King City and that he could drive and to call him back when she could.
No one else had called. Diane tried saying “Secret Police” into the microphone above her fridge, but no one came.
She went to the garage and grabbed Josh’s bike. She had never had much money, and, given the loss of her job, she thought it best to not keep getting cabs. Plus, Night Vale cabdrivers couldn’t always be relied on to pick you up or drop you off in a timely manner, as they stopped constantly to take improv classes and pottery workshops.
Josh’s bike was dusty and the rear tire was nearly flat. He had been anxious to leave the bike behind. It was definitely a kid’s bicycle, with a thick frame and smaller wheels and brightly colored decals of scenes from Pieter Brueghel the Elder’s Landscape with the Fall of Icarus.
She stuck to side streets, riding slowly, with care. The trip took a little under an hour, and Diane was feeling a pulsing pain in her calf by the time she pulled up to the front of the pawnshop. There was a black sedan with tinted windows at the end of the lot—the windows cracked down enough for her to see two sunglassed agents of a vague yet menacing government agency. One of them raised her camera and tried to take a photo of Diane, but the camera flashed, only reflecting the car window back at the lens. The agent swore. Diane waved a cursory hello at them and walked into the store.
Jackie slouched over the counter. She had her eyes closed and was breathing slowly and was inattentive to the living world around her and was deep in a complexity of vivid, nonsequential mental imagery, but she was not asleep.
Diane put her hand on the glass counter.
“Jackie?”
No response.
“Jackie.” Diane slapped the counter.
Jackie’s eyes opened and focused on the counter. She knew that Diane was there but was too overwhelmed by the new information she had learned to care. It was an issue she was having with the world in general that day.
“Jackie, I need your help.”
Diane reached into her bag and pulled out a plastic bag marked “nope!”, and took out a piece of paper with “KING CITY” all over it in Josh’s handwriting. She placed it on the counter.
Jackie winced. She batted the paper off the counter.
“Jackie I need you to—”
“Why did you bring that here?”
Diane didn’t know what to say. There were a lot of reasons, but it sounded like Jackie didn’t think any of them would be good reasons.
“This is not an arts and crafts project, Diane. I am living with this. This is real.” Jackie shook her cast, and they could both hear the rustle of paper inside. “I only just got out of the hospital.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“You don’t dress like a person and suddenly you’re twins. You don’t get the same haircut and suddenly you’re best friends. I’m not going to King City, okay? I can barely move. My mind doesn’t seem to connect the way it used to. I don’t have a car. I can’t do my job. If no one would remind me of that goddamn paper I could sit here forever and never think of it or anything else again.”
She shook her head.
“I’m sorry. I know this is hard for you. I know this is so painful. You’re a mother and you’re trying very hard. But I can barely hold it together to just sit here. I can’t help you. I can’t even help myself.”
“I found that in Josh’s room.” Diane did not raise her voice. She did not flush in anger or frustration. She did not cajole or cater. She said what she knew as she knew it and hoped it would be enough. “I don’t know if it’s somehow related to Troy, but I know that Josh has gone to King City. I don’t know how I know, but I know. He’s not in Night Vale anymore. One of the last things Ev… um…”
“Evan.”
“Evan mentioned to me was Josh. He tried to give Josh a paper like yours. I didn’t give him the paper, but I think Josh got it. And I think Josh went to King City.”
Diane felt at a loss to the depth of her, an exhaustion that was not physical but that slowed her body all the same. Jackie felt the same exhaustion, her body a single, dull ache. They felt this next to each other, neither woman realizing it.
“But everything I do circles me back to King City,” said Diane. “Every attempt I make on my own to get there fails. I don’t know what else to do. I think if we went together, I think if we worked together, then we could get there. We could make it.”
Diane leaned across the counter, meeting Jackie in her slump, so that their faces were very close. They felt each other’s breath.
“Jackie,” she said. “Jackie.”
Jackie heard, but did not indicate it.
“I pawned that tear to you all those weeks ago for a reason. And I don’t know what that reason was. Everything I do is for a reason, and I know none of them. Everything makes sense, and the sense is hidden from me. We live in a pattern that we’ll never detect, and that will shuffle us through invisible hierarchies to the actual death of us.”
She had thought none of these thoughts before, exactly, but it was like a script before her. The sentences were obvious and immediate, and she said them as she came to know them.
“We are together on this. And I don’t know why, and I never will, and we just are. Jackie?”
“Yeah, Diane?”
“I’m sorry I do such a bad job of expressing it, but I respect you a lot. There’s no one I trust more to help me find my son than you. There’s no one, okay?”
Diane felt warm around her eyes.
Jackie shrugged. “I feel bad for you, man, I do. I’ve learned some things today that I didn’t remember before. I wish I could help you. But I hurt all over. I’m slouching onto my bones.”
“I can’t heal you. You’re going to hurt, hurt bad, either way. But I think if you come with me, we can find answers, Jackie. We made it out of the library together. We work well together, for whatever reason. I’m not asking you to… I’m just asking… I just want us to try.”
She drew her hands together in front of her chest like a person in prayer. Jackie considered this woman, the mother of what could one day be her brother. She thought of what Lucinda said about being a mother, slowly losing a child.
“Put your hands down. I don’t know why you’re doing that, it looks weird. Fine. Yes. I’ll come with you.”
Diane clapped once and hugged her.
“I’ll do my best to help,” said Jackie, “but my best might not be anything at all.”
She pulled herself gently from Diane’s hug and pointed out the window at the bike.
“Neither of us has a car now. So how are we getting there? We gonna take that cute ride of yours, or what?”
Diane frowned.
“No, I don’t suppose.”
Diane considered several options. The obvious was to rent a car, but she was basically out of money. Diane’s only credit card was an American Express Uranium Card, which was a dangerous card to use because it does not allow revolving credit and is made entirely of enriched uranium. Few merchants accept American Express Uranium Cards, or even allow them in their stores, but she did get double mileage points if anyone accepted it and survived.
Diane leaned her head back, exhaling upward, hoping for a solid thump of a thought to fall into her mind. She blinked. She stared up. Nothing.
“Is there anyone whose car we could borrow?” Jackie said.