No.
I’m on my way.
I curse him the entire drive over. Motherfucker. How could he leave her alone after the news she just shared? My hate for him hits new levels. I plot revenge the entire ride over so that I hardly notice the drive. When I arrive the front door is cracked open and I find Elle in the living room sitting in the corner of the couch.
She looks terrified, like a little girl accidently left behind at the bus depot.
I hate seeing her like this and I’m so amped up I can’t sit down. “What happened?”
She curls forward and rubs her fingers over her scalp nervously. “Well, to start with he said it wasn’t his.”
Motherfucker did not!
“Classy. Did he forget that you were in paradise together when it happened?” “According to him that doesn’t mean for sure it’s his.”
I grit my teeth so hard my jaw hurts. “So what’s he saying, that you got it on with the cabana boy in Maui?”
“I have no idea what he’s thinking. He insists it wasn’t him, and he also disputes that there was a problem with his condom.”
“That’s big of him. I think all of those cleaning products have gone to his head.
But what can you expect from a man who is afraid of sand?”
“You know, I didn’t expect for a second that he’d be happy about the news, but I didn’t think he’d stoop so low as to say it couldn’t possibly be his.”
“He’s a dirty scumbag. Don’t let all those bottles of sanitizer fool you.”
“I told him that I’m more than willing to do a paternity test if he needs reassurance, but I’m sure it’s his.”
“So what plan did you guys make?”
“Well he left without any kind of plan. As a matter of fact, he said not to contact him and that his lawyer would make sure that he was not responsible for any child support.”
“Are you serious? What kind of man would do this?” I ask as I feel the fury work its way up my neck.
She looks up at me with the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen. “Not a good man.”
Pressing her hands over her face, she starts to cry. I sit down on the couch and slide my arm over her shoulder so she can lean into me. “I’m so sorry, Elle.”
She silently nods as the tears stream down her face. We sit like that for a few minutes and then she clears her throat. “What am I going to do?”
“Just take things one step at a time, that’s what my dad always says. Hey, how about a walk? It’ll be good for you.” I want to say it’ll be good for the baby, too, but I stop myself.
We’re silent and walk almost to the corner before she turns to me. “This was a good idea. I needed to get out of the house.”
“Me too. When we get back let’s burn some candles to get the Viking stink out of your home.”
The corners of her mouth turn up the tiniest bit. “Good idea.”
Two kids wiz by us on their bikes and I watch them until they turn the corner. I’ve always liked this neighborhood but now I’m seeing it in a new perspective. It’s a family kind of place. “This seems like a great area to raise a kid in.”
“It is. That’s part of what drew me to living here. I know I don’t come off as the most maternal person because of my upbringing, but do you know when I was little I was fixated on being a mom? I had a baby dolly that I treated like a real baby. I had a little stroller for it and everything. I loved taking care of it.”
It makes my chest hurt to know she had a dream and life sucked the beauty out of it. “I bet you were a cute kid.”
She smiles. “I’ll have to show you pictures some time.”
“I’d like that. So you make it sound like your attitude about being a mom changed over the years.”
Her expression falls. “I blame a lot of that on my mom. She was always telling me how much work I was, how she couldn’t get a good job or make decent money to support us because she had no help raising me.”
“Where was your dad?”
“Apparently off drinking somewhere. There was a point where her schedule changed at the restaurant she worked at, so she had no choice after school but to drop me off at one of those youth center places with strange people lurking around. I’d have a paper bag with a sandwich and juice box for my dinner. I was only in the second grade.
“Luckily the director of the center took a liking to me and she took me under her wing. She gave me little jobs and taught me how to be strong and self-reliant. It was probably around that time, where I was spending time around kids that were neglected, that made me realize maybe I wasn’t meant to be a mother. If my mom couldn’t handle it, why would I think I could?”
“And what do you think now?”
She lets out a long sigh. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”
“You know Elle, sometimes the best way to learn is from poor examples that teach you what not to do.”
“I suppose you’re right. Unfortunately, I have a long list there.”
“And you aren’t your mother.”
“Thank you. I hope not. I don’t want to end up bitter and angry at the world like she is.”
“That director lady was right . . . you’re strong and self-reliant.”
She loops her arm through mine. “So enough about me. What about you, do you want to have a kid one day?”
I shake my head.
Her expression falls. “You don’t?”
“No, I don’t want a kid, I want a whole lot of kids. You know those reality shows with the super-sized families? When I was younger I wanted a super-sized family. We would be our own village. How cool would that be?”
“You’re insane,” she says with a laugh. “That’s a baby factory, not a family.”
“But I’d have my own posse.”
“You say all this like it’s a good thing.”
“I used to be a camp counselor—four years at Camp Yallani. I loved the little tykes. The more little ones swarming around me, the better.”
“Sounds like chaos.”
I grin. “Managed chaos.”
“So you better get moving on this big idea. You’re getting a little old to have a super-sized family.”
I let out a long exaggerated sigh. “I know. I’ve had to downsize my dreams.”
She purses her lips. “Plus you have to find a woman with breeding tendencies who has lots of ideas for first names that start with the same letter. That’s the rule with big families, right? Something like: Timmy, Terry, Teresa, Tess, Thomas, Taylor, Toodles . . .”
My eyes grow wide. “Toodles?”
She nods. “Catchy, right? You need at least one wacky, far-out name.”
“Sorry . . . Toodles is a no. And you’ve nailed the biggest issue. It’s not easy to find women who will let their vejays be clown cars.”
She sputters a laugh and her cheeks turn hot pink. “Yeah, great point. Good luck with that.”
It’s great to see her happy even if it’s just for a minute.
I glance up and realize that we’re almost back to her house. “I’m going to walk you in and then I’ll take off. You ate dinner, right?”
She gazes off in the distance. “No. I didn’t have a chance.”
I give her a stern look. “You know I’m not going to put up with that.”
“Aren’t you the bossy one?”
Once we’re in her kitchen I fish through the fridge and pull out some stuff. “I’m going to scramble some eggs so you get protein.”
She slaps her hand over her mouth and shakes her head. “No eggs! Just the idea of them makes me gag right now.”
I put the egg carton back in and continue with my foraging. “How about some fruit and yogurt?”
“I think I can handle that, thanks.”
I quickly cut up the fruit and mix in the yogurt, then slide the bowl over to her. “Eat up.”
She digs in. “Mmm. This is good!” She waves her spoon in the air.
“Awesome.” I settle on one of the stools and lean my elbows on the counter while I watch her eat. It’s a glorious thing to behold, especially when she licks the spoon clean and runs her tongue across her sweet lips.
I suddenly remember something. Grabbing my jacket, I find the bottle of pre-natal vitamins in the pocket. As I return to the kitchen I remove the protective seal and get the bottle open before shaking out a vitamin. After setting it on the counter, in front of her, I pour her a glass of water.