I want it all and I have to face that I may never be satisfied until I get it. I also have to face that I could also end up with nothing. It’s in fate’s hands now.
The visit to the baby-stuff store on Sunday ends up being a kick-ass idea on my part. Our salesperson, Naomi, is so amped up to have a baby newbie that she goes above and beyond. By the time we leave the store Elle has a priority list of purchases and although I find the whole thing anxiety producing, Naomi seems to make Elle calm.
She has a big smile on her face when we finally get in the car to go home and see the game.
“That was the best idea ever, Paul,” she says as she squeezes my arm.
“Yeah, I’m a genius.”
“Can you believe how nice that Naomi was? All that time she spent with us and we didn’t even buy anything.”
“Yeah, she reminded me of my mom. Some women are just ga-ga over babies—not just theirs . . . anyone’s.”
“So did it bother you that she kept referring to you as the dad?”
My chest swells but I don’t want her to know how not only did it not bother me, but I liked it—a lot.
“I noticed you didn’t correct her.” I glance over and see her sly smile.
“Well, it’s not her business. We don’t have to explain anything.”
“Did it bother you?” I ask.
“No, I liked it. Believe me, I wish you were the dad.” My heart practically explodes in my chest. I could be.
If I only had the courage to say those words. Still stunned from her honest confession I finally respond, “Really?”
“Of course. You’re awesome. You’ll be a great dad one day.”
“Thanks. I plan to be a great uncle, too.”
Her expression falls a little when I say ‘uncle’. It gives me hope that one day I really can be the dad.
It’s no surprise that Elle passes out curled up next to me in the fourth quarter of the game. The Trojans are kicking Arizona’s ass, and after a while I’m just embarrassed for the Wildcats. I’m starting to doze off myself when Elle suddenly wakes with a start and sits up. Her eyes are wide.
I rub her back. “Hey, you okay?”
She nods but she still looks startled. “Yeah, just really weird dreams.” She points to the television. “Did SC win?”
I nod. “They slaughtered them. I’m glad you missed it. Honestly it was painful to watch.”
She lets out a sigh of relief. “Okay, good.” She settles back against me.
“So what kind of dreams did you have?”
“Disturbing. I’d rather not relive them. Okay?”
“Sure.”
She’s pulling on the ends of her hair and I know her well enough that something I’m not going to like will soon follow out of her mouth.
“So I want to ask you something,” she says in a serious tone.
“Okay.”
“Will you do me a favor and go out with that girl Melanie?”
My head drops down so I can go eye to eye with her. What the fuck is this about?
“Because?”
“Because I want you to find your happiness. And right now you’re putting a lot of your time into helping me. Don’t get me wrong—I’m so grateful for all that you’ve done. I don’t know what state I’d be in right now without you. But I can’t be selfish. I want all the good things for you.”
“What makes you think that Melanie will be all that good for me?”
“I don’t know that she will be, but you were crazy about her. Right?”
“That was a long time ago.”
“But I could tell when her name came up at dinner that she’s still in your thoughts. Just the mention of her visibly got to you.”
I shrug. “We all hold onto all kinds of stuff. Who knows? Maybe it would’ve been great or maybe we would’ve been all wrong for each other. She could be an epic bitch in a relationship.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. I’m just asking you to find out for once and for all.”
“Is this a crazy hormonally inspired idea?”
She smiles. “No. I feel very calm right now.”
As we stare at each other I wonder if she’s right. Maybe I should just do it so I can let go of the teen-angst curiosity that has stayed with me all these years.
“Please,” she says.
“Okay,” I huff.
“I have rules though.”
“You do, huh?” I ask with an arched brow. “That’s rich, Ms. Bossy Pants. What are your rules?”
“If you sleep with her right away I don’t want to hear about it.”
My eyes narrow as I watch her fold her arms over her chest.
“Well, I would’ve thought you’d want to hear all about it. So why not?”
“I’d be jealous, of course. Think about how hard I tried to get you to sleep with me before I gave up.”
“Gotta say, I feel like I’m being set up here for some major girl drama.”
“No, I’ll be good, I promise. Just no hot sex talk. I’ll let you know when I’m ready to hear it.”
I shake my head. “You’re crazy Elle.”
She smiles and winks. “But you like me enough to put up with me.”
“Yeah, I suppose I do.”
Chapter Thirteen
WOMAN ON TOP
I decide to call Melanie Monday afternoon. That seems like a neutral time. It’s not a sexy time, and it can’t come off as anxious since my mom gave me her number over a week ago. I get her voicemail.
Hey, Melanie, it’s Paul McNeill.
Mom gave me your number after you guys ran into each other. She said you’ve moved back to L.A. Let me know if you’d like to meet for coffee or drinks. It’d be cool to catch up.
I leave her my number and realize that my heart is thundering after I end the call. Damn. I’m really not in the mood to get ignored by her again. But she made the gesture, so she sure as hell better return my call. The text arrives ten minutes later.
Hi Paul
How about drinks tomorrow night at Osteria Mozza. 7pm.
As I reply that I’ll see her there, I realize all the implications that her choice suggests: her choice of restaurant is on trend, in sophisticated and hip Hancock Park, highly ranked food, and expensive as all hell for a plate of spaghetti. That’s Melanie. She’s probably never eaten at In-N-Out.
I arrive early to the restaurant so I can pick our seating and have my bearings before she arrives. I’m swirling the Jamisons whiskey in my glass when a feeling comes over me. I just know under my skin that she’s here. Sure enough I turn and it’s as if there is a beam of light just above her as she gracefully works her way through the crowded bar. I’d forgotten how tall she is, and between the long platinum-blonde hair, and her sleek ivory dress, she stands out in a crowd—not just stands out, she fucking glows. All she needs is a long flute of champagne to finish the picture of how the better half lives.
She gives me a quiet smile as she approaches, and slides into the chair next to me before I have a chance to pull it out for her. She looks amazing. Not that I expected anything less but every gesture seems perfect. Like the way she sweeps her sheet of satin hair over her shoulder so it cascades down her back.
I smile at her. “Good to see you, Melanie.”
“And you,” she says with a nod as the bartender approaches. “Martini, extra dry, extra olives on the side.”
The essence of the Melanie I remember is still there, but now just more polished and confident if that’s even possible . . . more of everything, really.
“New York was good to you, I take it. You look great.”
“Thanks, New York was amazing. It was hard to leave since I found I’m really more of a New York kind of girl. Believe me, it had to be a huge opportunity to get me back here.”
“I’m sure. So where are you now? Mom couldn’t remember.”