“That’s not it.” She looked pained as she picked up her fork and idly stabbed at the food on her plate. He waited. She was obviously having a hard time getting out what was bothering her. Finally, she glanced up at him and gave him a tentative smile. “It’s just…I’ve been thinking about things between us and have gone back and forth in my mind a million times…about what I think I want…and…” She trailed off once again, so Jace moved even closer, scooting forward until his upper body was almost flat against the table.
This wasn’t exactly the place to have an intimate discussion.
“Just tell me what’s going on,” he urged her. “I can help you. Seeing you like this is making me miserable. Honestly, I take all the blame. I’m the one who did this to us. I half-wanted to experiment, but really, I was just trying to get you riled up and hot like you were a few days before I brought home the swing.”
“Well, you succeeded in your mission to get me horny.” Her face flushed. “And by doing so, it made me realize some things. I think you already know what I’m about to tell you.”
“What do I already know?” Jace prodded, trying to keep the stress out of his voice. He hoped he succeeded, because otherwise Caroline would likely drop this discussion altogether. She hated to see him distressed almost as much as he hated seeing her.
“That I might need…more”—she cleared her throat—“things to ramp up my fulfillment.” Caroline’s cheekbones were on fire at her admission, and she ducked her head, taking her fork to her plate again. Before he could soothe her, she continued, eyes on the table. “I’ve been tossing it around in my mind, and really, I don’t think we really need to go…elsewhere. I might need something a little extra to increase my enjoyment, but I think…we can be creative at home. Then, over time, we can try to ease back to normal. I just…I just have to work through this emotional place I’m in and move on. But once I do,” she finished quickly, “and get all the thoughts out of my head, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
Back to normal.
He didn’t want that.
Jace had always been such a proponent of experimentation. He’d brought his wife to new heights over time, and their marriage was better for it. He was deeply affected by her admission and knew it had taken every ounce of strength she had to tell him that she needed more. “Caroline, sweetheart, we don’t have to decide anything now. I’m open to wherever you want to take us down the line. If you want to try something you’ve been thinking about, or if you change your mind, it’s up to you. Where you go, I’ll follow. There’s no need to make any decisions about anything now.”
“That’s the problem, I think,” she whispered, stabbing at her food. “Your ‘okay with everything’ answer makes me feel crazy. I feel like a pervert for even having these thoughts, and you seem to have no real issues or desires that need to be addressed at all. Why is that?” She finally lifted her eyes to his. “Why has this entire thing become only about me and my pleasure…my issues? Why aren’t we discussing your sexual pleasure and what it is you need?”
She had a good point.
He sat back, thinking. Finally, he answered, “I get off on your pleasure. When you find your thing, it makes me feel out of control.” He rested his elbows on the table. “When we first started dating, you were incredibly closed off and almost uninterested in sex. You became my favorite puzzle. One I had to complete. And each time I fit together another piece, it was incredibly satisfying. It continues to be the best puzzle of my life.”
“I was closed to sex before I met you.” She gave him her first real smile of the night. “The guys I’d dated had been dull—and that’s being kind—in that department, only in it for themselves. I never knew the kind of pleasure I have with you existed. Even kissing you was eye-opening. Our first kiss blew my mind. You were so sensual and open and hungry for me. I felt like I’d fallen into some kind of alternate universe. I thought for sure I’d wake up the next morning and find it had all been a dream.”
Jace grinned, remembering that kiss. It had been carnal.
He’d taken her on a date, and afterward, he’d taken her for a walk and had decided to go for it. It’d been spontaneous, but totally hot. They had kissed for hours under the moonlight. “It’s typical guy behavior to be in it for ourselves, but that’s never been me. Each time you opened up a little more, and became more adventurous and willing, it turned me on. I mean…as in…I couldn’t stop thinking about it for a week or two after it happened. Do you remember when we were at Max Larson’s cabin sophomore year? In that boathouse?”
Her mouth opened a little, and he heard her sigh. Jace’s grin widened. “Of course I remember,” she said.
Jace angled his head toward her and whispered, “That was the first time you blew me. To this day, I can still picture your face peering up at me. There was lust in your eyes, but also trust. After you started, you lost yourself. Getting you there—to that place—that’s what I love the most. That was the single-greatest blow job of my entire life, and watching you get off was amazing.” He took his wife’s hand across the table again. “And every step of our relationship thus far, each time you’ve tried something new, it has been incredible for me. All of it, including most recently on the kitchen table and in the swing. It was mind-blowing because you were so into it. I can never get enough. That’s what I want.”
“Do you ever obsess over the things we do? Think about them over and over again? I’m…I’m having trouble not thinking about things…I want.”
Jace stroked the inside of her wrist. “Obsess is too little a word for what I do. When we have a new experience, like the first time you let me enter your ass…I literally couldn’t stop thinking about it for a year. Twelve full months. Every time I showered, got dressed, every single time I got behind the wheel of the car, that image—of you totally hot, turned on, rocking your sweet backside against me while I was buried deep, and then your cock-pulsing orgasm—made me hard as steel. It didn’t matter if we did it that way the next time we had sex or not. That image alone was enough to fuel my fantasies over and over again. In fact, it’s getting me hot thinking about it right now.” Jace watched his wife shift in her seat and carefully bring her napkin up to dab the edges of her mouth.
He knew he was turning her on with his choice of words, and that was his intent. Talking about his cock in public—much less mentioning ass-in-the-air fucking—had never happened between them before. It had always been private bedroom banter. But he wasn’t going to let them slip back to ordinary if he could help it. He was also determined to get his wife into bed tonight. They were going to have incredible sex, on their own, and she was going to see that she didn’t need to worry about this any longer.
He was certain they’d figure it out. He didn’t care what they did in the bedroom, as long as she was excited.
She sat forward in her seat. “We haven’t had sex like that in…a while.”
He sucked in a breath.
It had taken him a good three years to even warm her up to the idea, and even though he’d been successful in coaxing her to try it, and she’d had a huge release, he knew it wasn’t her favorite thing to do. She’d told him much later that it been a little too dirty for her.
But he hadn’t lied when he just told her the image of them doing it the very first time had been enough to fuel his fire for a long time. He’d do it again in a heartbeat, if that’s what she wanted. “No, we haven’t,” he said carefully.
She drummed her nails along the top of the table and gave him a sly smile. “If we decide to do it, I think this time we need to try something different—something that will add to the overall experience. Don’t you agree?”