They went through the back door. “No, you can’t take all the blame. You went along with it because I wanted to try it. You left it up to me, remember? You’ve always had the right intentions at heart.” They stopped next to the island. He kept a hand on her arm, needing to touch her. “Piper was amazing,” she continued. “The best counselor I could’ve asked for. She helped me realize that I gave out serious mixed messages to you and the Slaters. I thought I was ready, but in reality I wasn’t. I didn’t let myself face the thought of stepping over the line. I had no emotional safety net, and because of that things fell apart quickly.” Jace took her by the hand and led her to the table. She pulled a chair out and sat. Jace took the one next to her, wanting her to get out as much as she could, before he insisted this was on him. “I really want to forgive myself for letting it go so far, but it’s going to take time.”
“Care”—he took her hand in his and turned it over, caressing her palm—“I hear what you’re saying, but honestly, there’s nothing to forgive. You didn’t cheat on me. It was all consensual. I’m the one who pushed the issue. I should’ve never let it go so far. I should be groveling at your feet begging you to forgiving me—not the other way around.”
She shook her head. “No. I could’ve easily taken your hand and led you into the bathroom, or up the stairs and out of that house. I didn’t want to. That’s the root of my guilt. I liked it.” She glanced down at the table, fidgeting with her hands. “And that’s the hardest thing to admit.” She brought her head up, and Jace watched a single tear streak down her cheek.
It broke Jace’s heart into a million pieces.
He reached forward and pulled her out of her seat and onto his lap, cinching his arms tightly around her waist. “Oh, babe.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in it. “I’m so sorry you feel this way,” he said.
“Do you think less of me because I like it?” Her voice was muffled.
“Of course not!”
“It makes me sick to my stomach when I think of what we could’ve done differently. I can’t help thinking that, from now on, every time you look at me, you’re going to see a woman who craves another man.”
“Not even close.” He nudged her until she finally raised her head to meet his gaze. “I see a beautiful wife who loves life and is not afraid to go out and find it. The reason I’m fine with Pete touching you is because I love you. I know that sounds extreme, but it’s true. I’ve always been confident in our relationship. Exceedingly so. I know you’re not going to leave me for Pete. If he gives you that little something extra that blows your mind when you come, it’s not an issue for me. I adore seeing you so ready to explode. That’s what gets me going, and I happen to like being that turned on. And I love seeing you excited. It may be selfish of me, but that’s what makes me tick. It’s my thing.”
“I can’t help but feel guilty,” Caroline said miserably. “Marriage is between two people, not three.”
“Care, we watch threesome porn all the time. That’s always been your favorite. Why do you think they make it in the first place? It’s because there’s so many damn people, just like you, who get off on seeing three people have a really good time.”
“It would be so much easier if I didn’t want it,” Caroline said, as he brushed her tear away with his thumb.
Jace shrugged. “Maybe. But then what fun would that be?”
“Jace!”
He laughed. “I’m sorry, but I like our adventurous life. I don’t want boring and ordinary. Being with Emma and Pete felt dangerous and exciting. It was wild and uninhabited. But I totally get that we both have to be emotionally ready, and on the same page, if we ever choose to do it again. It will be totally up to you.”
“Piper said the same thing, essentially. I have to come to terms with myself first and stare it all right in the face. Then I have to pass her sex-ready test.”
Jace arched a brow. “Sounds like I have a lot to thank Piper for, then.”
Caroline chuckled. “She pretty much bullied me out of bed, stuck me in the shower, force-fed me the most delicious ice cream I’ve ever eaten, and then told me in no uncertain terms to get the fuck over myself. But that was after hours of intense discussion, and I took everything she said to heart. She’s been in this a lot longer than we have and has gotten over some very private hurdles herself.”
“I’m on board with whatever it takes to get you over your guilt in the healthiest way possible,” Jace said as he rubbed her back. “Care, when I woke up and you were gone, something broke inside me. My life priorities flashed in front of my eyes, and you’re at the very top. I can’t lose you, and we can’t go through this again. If you never feel strong enough, we won’t do it.” Caroline smiled at him, her eyes misting. “Seriously, you’re the hottest, sexiest woman in the world. My commitment to you moving forward is to find a way to heighten our relationship in a way we’re both okay with.”
Caroline nodded as she sat back against him. “I’m open to exploring what works for us both. I just need time to figure it out.”
“You can have all the time you need.”
23
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“Care, can you get the door?” Jace called. “I’m still in the basement!”
Caroline got up from her office chair and padded through the dining room and into the foyer. It was seven o’clock on a Friday night, a strange time for anyone to show up at their doorstep. Piper and Michael were the only ones who would drop by at this time of night, but they were out of town, working on their “sex issues,” as Piper put it to Caroline yesterday. The plan was for them to have a deep heart-to-heart about their sex life, and maybe throw in some kinky sex. Caroline knew this only because she and Piper had had their first Sexual Therapy for Deviants meeting last night, or STD meeting, as Piper had christened it after a few glasses of wine.
Caroline had been thrilled with the idea of getting together on a regular basis to discuss their issues. It’d been three weeks since Piper had come to rescue her in the hotel, and Caroline felt less guilty every day about the entire ordeal.
But she had to give credit where it was due—to her awesome husband—for most of her recovery. True to his word, he’d done everything in his power to make her feel like she’d done nothing wrong, and that she was all he needed.
And she was grateful for that.
Jace was in the basement right now, putting back together the things he’d dismantled in their sex room. When she’d arrived home that day, she’d found that Jace had cleaned their basement bedroom out, leaving nothing but the bed and dresser.
Caroline had asked him to put it back the way it was this week, and they’d been exchanging some light sexual banter. Caroline was excited to see what would come of it.
She felt ready.
Jace even planned a sexy night for them on Saturday, but he wouldn’t breathe a word about the details. She was giddy thinking about it as she parted the curtains and peeked out to see who was outside her door.
There was no one there.
Tentatively, she cracked it open. She wasn’t in the mood to chitty-chat with any door-to-door salesman, or her mother-in-law, for that matter.
“Who’s there?” Jace asked, coming up behind her.
“I don’t know. So far, no one.”
Jace rested his hands on her shoulders and leaned his head out to take a look. “Hey, there’s a package on the ground.”
Sure enough, there was a little white box, about the size of a coffee cup, tied with black ribbon, sitting on their stoop.