She shook her head. “What if you’re wrong, Mark, and he’s still out there? Watching us. Murdering us.”
“Jordan...”
And what if Mark was right, and she would never get to bring the intruder to justice, to her very special brand of justice?
She clenched her fists and shook them at the ceiling and howled in rage and pain. Then she began to sob, and she couldn’t stop. She rose from the table and hugged herself and walked in weaving circles, weeping convulsively, for Levi, for her friends, for herself, and when Mark came to her and tried to put an arm around her, she pushed him away, not viciously, not on his ass this time, but away. Yet when he tried again, she did let him hold her, and she hugged him hard and cried into his chest, the tears bleeding out of her as if the blade that had punctured Levi had penetrated the wall that kept her emotions in.
He spoke soothing words, words she couldn’t make out but their kind tone helped, as did the gentle pat of his hand on her back, and slowly control returned, sobbing ebbed, tears abated. He smelled good. Some kind of cologne, and it was warm in his arms, and she didn’t mind being held, not at all, even if he was a man.
He brushed tears from her cheek and she backed away slightly, still in his embrace, and looked into those blue eyes, which were moist themselves, though he hadn’t shed tears.
“Don’t kiss me,” she said.
“I won’t.”
“Don’t you dare kiss me. It’ll ruin it.”
“I won’t.”
She kissed him.
Brief, sweet, moist with her tears, but a kiss.
“Don’t get any ideas,” she said.
“I won’t.”
“That was just ‘thank you.’ ”
“You’re welcome.”
“This isn’t the time.”
“I know.”
And she kissed him again, only not so brief, and the warmth was more than thanks on her part and the urgency of how he returned her kiss spoke passion not pity. He really had been doing all of this because he loved her. That was so obvious, and she had known it. But now she felt it.
Still in his embrace, she said, “Has to stop there.”
“Okay.”
“Let’s go sit.”
“All right.”
They walked to the table, awkwardly skirting the mattress on the floor, a mattress that was a third presence in the room, silent but yelling at them. They pretended not to hear.
At the table, seated, they held hands, loosely. He looked vaguely embarrassed. He glanced back at the mattress, and she shook her head.
“Get that out of your mind,” she said.
“Get what out of—”
“No.”
He swallowed. Nodded.
“Maybe when this is over,” she said, “who knows? Maybe after he’s been taken care of... I’ll feel clean again.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I know! But he was... inside me. Understand? He is a sickness and he... was in me. That’s hard to live with. The idea of having any kind of... normal relationship, after that...”
He was frowning. “Don’t give him that power.”
“What?”
“Jordan, he controlled you for a few minutes, a few terrible minutes. Don’t give him any more than that. He doesn’t deserve it.”
She drew her hand away.
“Jordan...”
She raised a traffic-cop palm. “No. I’m not mad. I’m... I’m just coming to a kind of... realization. Having a... is the word epiphany?”
He wasn’t following her. “Is it?”
Now she clutched his hand and squeezed it so tight, his eyes popped a little.
“Mark, you’re right, you are so goddamn fucking right. He controlled me that night, but I let him control me for the next ten years. Well, that fucking ends now.”
His smile was ridiculously boyish. “Jordan, I guess you know how I feel. You know I love you. That I have since—”
“Since high school. Will you stop? I’m not that innocent little girl anymore.”
“I, uh, noticed.”
“I am a bundle of neuroses and you need to know that and be ready to deal with it, if you want to find out if ten years later I’m worth knowing... never mind loving. No more kissing tonight, Detective Pryor. We have other things to do.”
“You’re right.”
“But when this is over...”
When that miserable butchering bastard is dead.
“I think it is over,” he said.
“When this is over... then we’ll start over. We’ll see if I’m anything more than some dream girl you wove out of your teenage fantasies, or if the reality of the woman I am now just isn’t worth the fucking trouble.”
He smiled a little. “I think you’re worth the effing trouble.”
“Even if I swear like a stevedore?”
“Even then.”
She squeezed his hand. “We’ll see. When the time comes.”
“When the time comes.”
“...In the meantime, how about something to drink?”
“Sure.”
“How about a sandwich?”
“I don’t think I’ve eaten all day.”
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
They wound up sharing the last two Coke Zero bottles from his pizza run. She made them both Swiss cheese and smoked turkey sandwiches on rye.
As the meal wound down, Jordan frowned in thought. “What do you think Levi’s breakthrough might have been?”
With about two bites of his sandwich left, Mark said, “Maybe Carlyle will tell us. Otherwise, that’ll be tough to figure, with Levi’s laptop gone.”
“It was taken?”
Mark nodded.
“Then,” she said, “the killer knew there was evidence on Levi’s laptop?”
“Maybe. But Carlyle also took Levi’s cell.”
“For now let’s just say the killer took Levi’s cell.”
“Fair enough. But whoever did it took the time, just off a public thoroughfare, to make the killing look like a mugging.”
“A mugger who collects eyeballs? I don’t think so.”
Her harshness made him blink, and he put down the remaining bite of sandwich.
“Anyway,” he said, “that cell is not a great loss. I’m waiting on a warrant to get Levi’s phone records now. Either our man didn’t know we could get those, or didn’t care. I’m guessing it’s the latter.”
“So he was after the laptop.”
“I would say so.” Mark used a paper napkin and had a last swig from his glass of Coke Zero on ice. “You’ll have to take a ride downtown for a lineup, to identify Carlyle, tomorrow. Cool with that?”
She half rose. “Hell, I can do it right now.”
He gestured for her to settle down. “The wheels don’t grind that fast. I’ll call you in the morning. Okay?”
“Okay. You’re... going?”
“Yeah, I have a couple more things to do yet tonight.” He rose. “There’s a patrol car out front and it’ll stay there all night, and tomorrow, too, till I say otherwise. You’re protected. But just stay put till you hear from me, okay?”
“Okay.”
She walked him to the door and she squeezed his hand. He looked at her like he wanted to kiss her, but she shook her head.
“Can’t blame a guy for trying,” he said, maybe a little embarrassed.
Then he was gone, and she was alone.
Shit!
She should be thrilled that Mark had apparently caught the intruder, and he probably thought he deserved more gratitude than she’d shown, maybe another kiss or even more.