When all was done, Martyn reared up out of his seat and gave us a short speech about teamwork and dedication and how important this case was and how the eyes of the nation were on us, and then put on his cap and left to attend the event for the great and the good at the Marriott.
One by one the team left the room, packing up papers wearily, some just moving a few yards to their desks, planning to burn the midnight oil. We were at that stage in a case where it’s taken over: it’s exhausting, it’s addictive, and you can’t get enough of it. Your nerves are frayed and you’re running on adrenalin and caffeine. It’s hard to do anything normal because the case is always in your thoughts. It’s like a drug.
Fraser and I were the last to leave. She looked tired, and thoughtful.
‘You OK, boss?’ I said.
‘I’m OK,’ she said. ‘Go home, Jim. Get some sleep.’
RACHEL
Zhang arrived after Nicky and Laura had come back in, knuckles red and swollen from scrubbing.
She was there to break it to us gently that the forensic tests on Ben’s clothing hadn’t turned up anything. It meant that they couldn’t get any specific leads from the clothing, she said, but they were still pursuing lots of ‘interesting avenues’.
‘What are those?’ asked Laura.
‘I can’t tell you any more than that I’m afraid,’ Zhang said. She took my hand. ‘But know that we’re doing everything we possibly can. Don’t lose heart.’
She turned her attention to Laura. ‘I heard today that you’re a journalist.’
‘I am.’ Laura wasn’t afraid to look directly at her, but she twisted a bracelet on her wrist, a black silk band with a small jade rose on it. ‘Why do you mention it?’
‘I wondered if that puts you in a difficult position professionally. Being at the heart of things here.’
‘I write gossip,’ said Laura. ‘Who turned out to the launch of a new lipstick at Harvey Nichols, that kind of thing. It’s a different world.’
‘Oh,’ said Zhang. She paused before asking, ‘Do you get lots of freebies?’
The tension in the room dissolved just a bit and Laura softened. ‘It’s a perk – definitely. Though I sometimes wonder what I’m going to do with six jars of black nail polish.’
‘Donate it to my daughters,’ said Nicky. ‘They seem to enjoy anything that’s in incredibly bad taste.’
After that the silence was a bit awkward. Zhang started to excuse herself, she wanted to check the alley, but Nicky insisted that she have a cup of tea. Nicky was desperate to share the plans she was hatching.
‘I think we need a vigil,’ she said, ‘if he’s not found by next week. It’s what they do in America. It keeps public awareness up.’
Desperate not to leave any stone unturned, Nicky had been in email contact with somebody who worked for the Missing Kids website in the States, taking advice on what we could do.
Zhang took a sip of her tea. Her mug was one that Ben had decorated in one of those pottery places when he was very little. Covered in splotches of blue, in different hues, it was apparently supposed to be a sea scene. He’d been very proud of it when he made it, although now that he was a bit older he was embarrassed by it. ‘It’s babyish,’ he’d said, the last time I used it.
‘I’m not putting it away, Ben,’ I’d replied. ‘I love it.’
‘You can obviously do what you want, but I’d be very careful about a vigil,’ said Zhang. ‘The press can be a law unto themselves. You don’t know how they’ll react, and we mustn’t compromise the investigation.’
‘What would be very useful then,’ said Nicky, ‘is if we could arrange a proper meeting with the police, with yourselves, to discuss some of these things together, agree on a proper course of action. We don’t want to do anything that would affect the investigation, but there must be something we could do to help.’
‘I’ll ask,’ said Zhang. ‘I promise I’ll ask. But be warned, everybody’s already working all hours on the investigation, so manage your expectations and for now it’s best to keep channelling your questions through me.’
Before she left, she went out the back to see where the graffiti had been. She stood in the glare of my neighbour’s security light and looked at the newly scrubbed fence, where the words had gone but an orange wash remained. It struck me what a neat person she was. Alongside her warmth, she had a reserve about her and a sort of economy of both speech and dress that both impressed me and slightly intimidated me.
‘I’m going to check out the rest of the alley before I go,’ she said. ‘We’ll speak tomorrow.’
In both directions the alley stretched out into darkness. We could hear scuffling behind the fence as something took cover. Further away the wind was making somebody’s back gate creak and bang.
‘Go back inside,’ she said to me. ‘Stay safe.’
JIM
I did go home, but the flat felt hollow and cold, and I was unsettled. I called Emma.
‘Where are you?’ I said when she answered.
‘I’m in the alleyway behind Rachel Jenner’s house.’
‘And?’
‘Well, they’ve washed most of the paint off, but you can see where the words were written in massive letters.’
‘How are the family?’
‘Rachel’s not good, she’s really fearful. Looks ill actually. Nicky’s holding the fort, she’s tough that one, proactive, I like her, and they’ve got Rachel’s friend Laura with them.’
‘Are you going back in with them?’
‘I don’t think I need to. They’re coping for now. I’m cold, Jim, I need to get going.’
‘Are you coming round?’
‘I’ve got to go and see John Finch, tell him about the forensics.’
‘Afterwards?’
‘I’m so tired. I might just go to mine.’
‘Please, Em. I missed you last night.’
She didn’t answer right away. The line went bad as the wind whistled into her handset and it was hard to hear her when she said, ‘Are you sure it’s a good idea, now I’m working for you?’
‘With me, not for me, and it doesn’t have to make a difference, of course it doesn’t. Please, come round tonight.’
‘I’ll come round after I’ve seen John Finch but I’m warning you I won’t be good for much.’
‘Are you OK?’
‘I hope I’m the right person for this job.’
‘Of course you are. Of course! Don’t start getting wound up because of what you said at the meeting. Fraser knows you didn’t mean it.’
‘The way she looked at me…’
‘Honestly, don’t worry about it. Don’t. She’ll have forgotten about it by now. I promise you. You are the right person for this job. You’re tired tonight, that’s why it all feels bad. Just remember why you’re doing it: it’s for the boy. Emma? Are you there?’
‘Yeah. I heard you. It’s for the boy.’
‘Are you coming round?’
‘I’ll see you in about an hour. Don’t wait up.’
After we spoke I turned on all the lights in the flat and put the heating up. Then I went to the shop round the corner and got supplies for breakfast, and a Mars Bar, because Emma liked chocolate. I made a coffee and waited for her to arrive. I couldn’t wait to see her, but I wanted her to be her normal self. I wanted her to tease me, take me out of myself, and make me forget work for a while. I wanted to hold her.
RACHEL
When I got back inside Nicky held the phone out to me. ‘It’s John.’
‘The nursing home rang,’ he said. ‘My mother’s distressed because you didn’t bring Ben to visit her today.’
‘Oh God.’
I’d forgotten about Ruth. Ben and I made a regular weekly visit to see her in her nursing home. Spending time with her grandson was one of the only things she looked forward to.