"Yes, sir!"
"Righ', then, come on in and I'll set th'kettle on. Fang, move your lazy hind end!"
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TBC . . . with Snape's conversation with Dumbledore . . .
A/N: Thanks, as always, to everyone who reads and reviews, or offers commentaries or corrections or what all. You guys are the awesomest! Next chapter, probably Monday.
*Chapter 19*: Chapter 19
Whelp -- Chapter 19
By jharad17
Disclaimer: I'm not blond, nor rich. 'Nuff said.
A/N at end.
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In the Headmaster's office, Severus sat with his head in his hands, and tried to hold his emotions in check. When he thought he could speak without breaking down, he said, "I don't think I'm cut out for this. I think we made a mistake."
"Why don't you tell me what happened, dear boy."
"Harry had a nightmare."
Albus nodded, an understanding smile on his lips. "Not his first, surely."
"No," Severus agreed. "But this was the first time I couldn't rouse him from it. And I had been drinking."
With a frown, Albus said, "Are the two related?"
"I don't know! Maybe. Probably. I should have remembered. I saw it in his memories. Vernon's," he snarled the name. "He was always more violent when he was drinking. Of course the boy would remember as well. And I spilled it, and he was crying, and biting his hand, like he shouldn't make any sound at all, and the blood . . ."
Before he realized it, Albus was beside him, a hand on his shoulder, and speaking, but it took a moment for his to hear the words as anything but condemnation. "Shh, Severus. Take a breath. He'll be all right, I'm sure."
"Will he?" Severus shook off the Headmaster's hand and was on his feet in a heartbeat. The thumped a fist on his chest. "I reminded him of that awful place, of his horrid uncle. I frightened him enough that he tore a chunk out of his hand to keep from crying! I can't do this, I can't hurt him anymore, Albus!"
"Severus, please. Calm yourself."
"I don't want to be calm, dammit! I want to go back to their despicable, hateful house and kill them. I want to send them to the Dementors, and I want to watch them lose their souls."
"And your wish for Harry?"
His pacing brought him near the fireplace, and he rested his head on the mantle. "I want him to be safe."
"He's safe with you."
Severus shook his head. "He isn't. I think I healed the hand well enough, but only time will tell. What if he never gets back function of it? He won't tell me when he's hurt, just says he's fine. I can't be good for him, though I try. My temper . . . there must be someone else."
"No. You're the only one who can do this now, Severus. You're the only ones the wards would form for."
"Albus, there must be someone else who loved Lily, who can take him. Someone more stable, more together . . . less like me." He couldn't bear the thought of giving the boy up, but he wanted more than anything else, for Harry to be safe . . . for him to feel safe.
"I'm afraid it's not as easy as that," Albus said quietly. "The ritual--"
He whirled around to glare at the Headmaster. "Was flawed! I know it and so do you. What the hell happened to Harry? The ritual should have made him change slowly, but he's . . ." Severus hung his head. "I don't know what he is."
"He's your son."
Sighing, Severus said, "Yes, I know. The ritual . . ." He looked at Albus, who was holding his gaze, and the knowledge hit him like a bludger. "You don't mean because of the adoption."
"No. He was already your son."
"That's impossible! I counted. Lily--"
"Was brilliant at Charms." Albus smiled gently. "And should have been sorted into Slytherin, I think. She . . . adjusted things, in James' favor."
"For Merlin's sake, why?"
"Do you really need to ask?"
No. He really didn't. It was so long ago, it was hard to dredge up specific memories, but he recalled how terribly alone he'd been feeling the night he and Lily were together. He had been working as a spy for Albus, for the Order, for almost a year at that point, and had no one to talk with about any of it, except for Albus, who had very little time for him, aside from reports.
He knew Lily was dating James at the time, but they seemed to have entered a cooler phase of their relationship, and he'd mentioned it to Lily after a meeting one September night, that she seemed sad. She'd broken down, and cried on his shoulder, about how James was being a prat --well, he knew that! -- and how she couldn't believe some of the things he'd say to her, or about other people. Over the course of the evening, they talked like they hadn't done since school, and when he kissed away the tears on her cheeks . . . well. One thing led to another.
Yet, inside of two weeks, she'd announced her engagement to James, followed in less than a month by their wedding, and Harry had been born in July, a good ten months after their one night together.
"No. It was ten months. She couldn't have . . ."
"Severus, give an old man some credit. Lily knew if it was discovered that the child was yours, your position in Voldemort's inner circle would have been compromised. She came to me, asking if I knew any way to delay the baby's birth, without harming him, of course."
"You . . . you helped her? You kept this from me, all this time?"
"I'm sorry," Albus said. There was nothing but sincerity in his voice. And Severus hated him for it.
"You're sorry! Just think what kind of life I could have given him, if only I had known! He would never had been with those Dursleys to begin with!"
"And your Potions Mastery?"
"Sod my potions! Why didn't you tell me? If not at the beginning, then at least once the Dark Lord was gone?"
"For the same reason Lily had to hide this from you." Albus' eyes were clear blue, and twinkle free. "Severus, there are still servants of Voldemort's at large, who would do whatever they could to harm the boy. You know this better than anyone. I thought he would be better off with protections from Lily, leaving you free to continue your work for the Order."
"And we see how well that worked out." Severus sank back in his chair, head back in his hands. He couldn't believe it. Harry was really his son. "What about the ritual, then? Why did it work at all?"
"I spoke with Enid before hand, and we discussed what would be best. She doesn't know the truth," Albus added quickly. "Just that not everything was as it seemed."
Severus couldn't help it; he chuckled low in his throat, an almost desperate laugh. "I can see through her charms, can't I? That's why he looked right to me from the start, even though he went through all that pain?"
Albus took his own seat again, and surveyed Severus over the top of his folded hands. "Lily's charms came off, yes, as a result of the ritual. But you could already see him as he truly was because he was of your blood."
"Why the subterfuge, Albus? Why not just tell me he was my son when you asked me to go take a look at him?"
"I had to make sure you truly wanted him, and not out of obligation. It was the only way the ward could be transferred."
Severus sighed, feeling tired, and sick to death of being manipulated. But none of that was Harry's fault. And f he truly was the only one -- besides the Dursleys -- who could keep Harry, then he would do it. He only hoped that he would not hurt the boy further in his ignorance and carelessness. "I may need to take him to a Muggle hospital, because of the damage to his hand."
"Whatever you need, my dear boy. I know this is a lot to take in. Perhaps you ought to spend the rest of the day with Harry. Don't worry about the staff meeting this afternoon. It will be mostly going over dormitory cleaning schedules, anyway."
Knowing a dismissal when he heard one, Severus rose. "Thank you, Albus," he said with a slight incline of his head.