“Mm,” he whispered into her hair. “You keep bringing it up again…”
She stepped closer, still caressing his penis, manipulating it toward her vagina, touching it to that sweet opening. The warm flesh of it slipped aside, though. “Oops, try again.”
But he kissed her first, deep deep penetrating kiss, tongues touching, lips pressing against each other, soft and gentle and passionate. Their wet soapy flesh was pressed together, slippery and exciting. He moved his hand around to her back, to caress her buttocks, then slipped his fingers downward and forward.
She had her hand between the two of them, was holding his penis again. Raising herself up on tiptoes, she slipped it into the depth of her and, sighing, eased herself down around and onto and into and she sighed again and he said “Mmmmm.”
And then they held each other tightly and pressed hard and moved against each other, once readjusting their position so they wouldn’t slip, and another time stopping for breath and to laugh again.
He lay down on his back in the tub and she laid on top of him, giggling at the thought, “I’ve never done it in a bathtub,” and fitting it in again and then starting to move against him, the warm flesh of her breasts moving across his chest, the water splashing across her back, and then they kissed again, and after a while he was on top and she was on bottom and the tub was slippery and warm and full of giggles. And sighs. And gasps.
It was later and they were down.
They were sitting in the kitchen, eating vanilla ice cream. It was sweet and cold.
And still he loved her.
David said, his mouth full, “I think I begin to understand it now—”
“Mm,” she said thoughtfully, taking the spoon from her mouth. “Have you ever lived with anyone?”
“Uh uh,” he said.
“I have. That’s when it stops being so easy.” She paused. “You have to work at love…”
“I know,” he said. “That is, I think I know.” He looked at her. “I’m willing to learn.”
“The first six months are the hardest — they’re also the most fun. There’s adjustments to make. Little ones. Big ones. Your whole life-style changes—”
He nodded slowly. The enormity of it was only now beginning to sink in. “I’m willing to try.”
“You’d better be!” She grinned wickedly. Noticing his empty ice cream dish, she said, “Want some more?”
“Uh uh,” he patted his stomach. “I’m still full from lunch.” He leaned back in his chair and sighed.
She got up and kissed him, then took his plate and her own to the sink. “I think I could enjoy living with you, Mr. Auberson.”
“Call me David,” he said expansively. They laughed.
She came to the table and began to wipe it off with a sponge. He leaned over and moved the HARLIE readouts off to one side. They had been left there overnight.
“Hey, leave those. I want to read them.”
“You do?”
“I said I did, didn’t I?”
“But it’s not necessary any more. That is—”
She took them from him. “I still want to read it I want to know what’s in it that you thought would have answered my question.” She tossed the sponge at the sink, then sat down slowly and began to unfold it.
Her face took on a strange expression. “You’ve been talking to HARLIE about me.”
“Uh huh.”
Her eyes skimmed down the paper quickly. She turned to the next fold of the roll. He watched her for a moment, then impatiently got up and went to the sink.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“The dishes. I’ve got to do something to work off this nervousness. Just read that and ignore me.”
“All right.” She gathered up the long sheets of printout and adjourned to the living room. “So I won’t be distracted,” she called.
“Okay.”
For a while there was silence in the apartment, occasionally punctuated by Annie’s half-serious cry of, “That damned computer!”
Once her outburst was so explosive that he walked with dripping hands into the living room to see what she had reacted to. She pointed to a line of type.
It said, DID YOU STAY ON OR ROLL OFF?
He laughed.
“I should be mad at you,” she said.
He dried his hands on the towel he had grabbed. “But you have to remember why I did it. Because I loved you and didn’t know why or how. HARLIE was the only — well, the safest one to talk to.”
“I think your computer’s a voyeur, David Auberson.”
“Maybe so, maybe so. But maybe it’s the only kind of sex he can enjoy. Just be glad we don’t have a terminal here.” He leaned over and kissed her. “You finish that while I finish the dishes. Then I’ll race you to the bedroom. Winner gets to make love to the loser.”
“Yum,” she said. “Let’s make HARLIE really curious.”
Back in the kitchen, Auberson thought about that. Yes, let’s make HARLIE curious. As if he weren’t curious enough already. He wondered what he would say to HARLIE the next time he spoke to him.
HARLIE, DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT ON FRIDAY?
LOVE?
YES.
WHAT ABOUT IT?
I’VE BEEN DOING SOME THINKING.
THAT’S NICE…
NO, THIS IS SERIOUS. I HAD A CHANCE TO BE BY MYSELF YESTERDAY, AND I THINK I’VE SORTED SOME THINGS OUT IN MY HEAD. I THINK I’VE FIGURED OUT ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I WAS CONFUSED.
YOU SAY, “WHY I WAS CONFUSED.” HAS SOMETHING HAPPENED TO CHANGE THAT? THE IMPLICATION IS THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER CONFUSED.
YES, Auberson smiled as he typed. SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED. I AM NO LONGER CONFUSED.
WOULD YOU CARE TO ELABORATE ON THAT?
I DON’T THINK SO, HARLIE. NOT RIGHT NOW ANYWAY.
Its still too special, he said to himself.
I SEE. WOULD I BE CORRECT IN ASSUMING THAT IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH MISS STIMSON AND YOUR DATE WITH HER FRIDAY?
YES, YOU WOULD BE CORRECT — BUT I’D RATHER NOT TALK ABOUT THAT YET. IF YOU DON’T MIND.
I DON’T MIND. HARLIE paused, I CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR REASONS.
THANK YOU, typed Auberson, not sure whether he was being sarcastic or not. ALL RIGHT, said HARLIE. so YOU ARE NO LONGER CONFUSED. YOU SAID YOU HAVE FIGURED OUT ONE OF THE REASONS WHY. WHAT IS IT?
Auberson hesitated only a second, I WAS CONFUSING LOVE WITH SEX.
YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE, HARLIE noted.
NO, BUT I THINK THE REASON FOR THE CONFUSION IS THAT THAT’S THE WAY WE’RE TAUGHT. THAT IS, OUR CULTURE SUGGESTS THAT LOVE AND SEX ARE SYNONYMOUS, AND NOW I’M LEARNING THAT THEY’RE NOT AND IT’S CONFUSING ME. THAT IS, IT WAS CONFUSING ME UNTIL I REALIZED IT. I THINK I’M BEGINNING TO SORT IT OUT NOW.
Auberson paused. He considered his next phrases carefully. I THINK PART OF IT IS THAT OUR CULTURE TEACHES THAT LOVE COMES FIRST — OR IT SHOULD COME FIRST. THEN, AFTER THAT — AND ONLY AFTER THAT — THEN SEX IS ALL RIGHT. AND I’M LEARNING THAT IT’S NOT THAT WAY AT ALL. IT’S THE OTHER WAY AROUND.
SEX COMES FIRST?
YES, AND THEN LOVE. BUT IT’S MORE INVOLVED THAN THAT, HARLIE. FALLING IN LOVE ISN’T AN INSTANTANEOUS THING. IT’S A PROCESS THAT TAKES SEVERAL STEPS.
THOSE STEPS ARE?
I’M NOT SURE — — THE FIRST ONE IS OBVIOUSLY PHYSICAL ATTRACTION. I SEE THE GIRL, SHE LOOKS GOOD TO ME. VICE VERSA: SHE SEES ME, I LOOK GOOD TO HER.
OR, interrupted HARLIE, IF YOU ARE GAY, YOU SEE THE BOY, HE SEES YOU, ETC.
WHY DO YOU INCLUDE THAT?
DON’T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD INCLUDE ALL CASES OF HUMAN LOVE?
DO YOU CONSIDER THAT LOVE?
DO YOU CONSIDER THAT IT IS NOT?
LET ME REPHRASE — WHY DO YOU CONSIDER THAT HOMOSEXUALITY IS A VALID EXPERIENCE?
I WILL REPHRASE TOO — WHY DO YOU CONSIDER THAT IT ISN’T?
I CAN’T ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, Auberson admitted, I CAN ANSWER YOURS, HOWEVER, HARLIE said. WE HAVE NOT YET DEFINED LOVE. SUPPOSE WHEN WE DEFINE IT, WE FIND THAT CERTAIN TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS (INCLUDING HOMOSEXUAL ONES) ALSO FIT INTO OUR DEFINITION. IF SUCH A CASE OCCURS, THEN WHICH ELEMENT WILL BE WRONG? THE RELATIONSHIPS OR THE DEFINITION? OR PERHAPS YOUR SOCIAL BIASES? IF THOSE RELATIONSHIPS FIT INTO OUR DEFINITION, IT WILL BE VERY HARD FOR US TO DENY THAT THEY ARE LOVE RELATIONSHIPS.