Indy didn’t offer anything else, and I didn’t ask. I pulled out of the parking space and drove us back to our houses, neither of us saying anything the entire time. I didn’t know if she could sense how frustrated I felt that after going so far forward, we seemed to be right back where we’d started, but she never said anything about it. She just stared out the windshield like she was trying to figure something out, and I tried to tell myself that I needed to calm down.
It wasn’t working. My jaw felt like it was going to break by the time I pulled up in front of the houses, and my hands were gripping the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles were white.
When we got out, she made it halfway to her house before she realized I wasn’t following her.
“Aren’t you coming over?”
“Yeah, just let me go drop my stuff off. I’ll be over in a minute.”
Her brow furrowed, but she nodded as she backed up toward the girls’ house, and I turned to go into ours. As soon as I was in my room, I noticed I didn’t have any “stuff,” and I realized why Indy had looked so confused.
Raking my hands over my face, I fell back onto my bed and groaned. I didn’t want to deal with this; I didn’t want to deal with Dean. I wanted to be sure of where we were, like I had been ten minutes before we saw him. I wanted to ask her what she’d been thinking when she was staring at him. But I knew I couldn’t ask her, I knew I had to wait for her to tell me—and it was killing me.
She was supposed to be mine, and I’d thought she finally was until I realized she still belonged to him.
When I’d calmed down, I got off my bed and walked over to the girls’ house, letting myself in and up the stairs toward Indy’s room. When I didn’t find her in there, I didn’t hesitate; I climbed the stairs to the attic and carefully walked across the death trap of a floor until I was next to her and wrapped another blanket around her as I sat.
She didn’t look at me as I did, and she didn’t say anything for long minutes as she stared at the snow falling outside the window. “You didn’t have anything you needed to put down.”
“I know.”
Her eyes drifted away from the window and down to the pillows. Nodding a couple of times, she flickered her green eyes toward me for a second before saying, “I’d rather you not drag anything out for my benefit, Kier. If you’re done, just say it. I appreciate honesty so much more.”
“God, Indy, seriously?” I cupped her cheek and turned her head so she was looking at me. “You really thought that was what all that was about?”
She didn’t respond, but her eyebrows shot up and she made a face, like what else should she have expected?
“I needed time to calm down. You just shut down the second you saw him, and I had to watch you staring at your old boyfriend who I want nothing more than to beat the shit out of. That was hard for me to watch, but I really can’t expect anything else from you. You were with him for two years, and it’s only been a few months since you guys broke up. I was afraid I’d say something, so before I could, I gave myself time to calm down.”
“You think I still want him?” she asked, her voice cracking. “You think I’m still having a hard time dealing with what happened between Dean and me?”
I shrugged, and my fingers slipped from her cheek. “Yeah.”
“Do you not see how much you’ve helped me—changed me—in the last couple weeks? In the last month? Even before I knew how I knew you, you were all I thought about and I wanted you. Not Dean. Yes, it was still hard then, but talking with you, finally getting everything out . . . well, it’s not hard now. I told you when I saw him today that it was weird, and it was. Because for the first time it didn’t hurt, it was almost like I was looking at a completely different person and it threw me off. Every time I’ve seen him or Vanessa, I’ve been close to panicking. Today, I wanted to laugh, but I think I was too shocked by the whole thing to do anything other than just think about the differences.”
“Differences?”
Now Indy moved closer to me, her hands maneuvering out from her blankets for her fingers to wrap around the sides of my neck, her thumbs brushing my jaw. “In how you treat me, and how he treated me. In how you make me feel, how I thought I felt with him, and how I actually felt. And then it just hit me. Like, I was upset because of him? I’d gotten wasted weekend after weekend, had sex with nameless guys . . . because of him? And it just blew my mind.”
For the first time since first buying Indy a loaf of garlic bread, I felt like shit for jumping to conclusions about her.
“He never saw me as anything more than an inconvenience. He told Vanessa that I was a mess, not that he was wrong about that then. To him I was useless, needy, and frustrating . . . and I know just by the way you look at me that I’m none of those things to you. From what you’ve said, I had plenty of Saturdays to frustrate you, but you never backed down, and you never stopped trying to take care of me. You’ve helped me in a way no one has since Ian died. You look at me and I know I’ve found exactly who I need. Who I want.”
There was the slightest pressure on the back of my neck, and I didn’t wait for anything else. That statement, that small pressure, was all I needed to know she was ready. I pulled her to me and captured her mouth with mine, and she met the kiss greedily. Her lips parted on a soft sigh, and I took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Letting her hands fall from my neck, she fisted them in my jacket before she was pushing it off my shoulders and unzipping my hoodie. I only pulled away from her long enough to get them off my arms before she was grabbing the front of my shirt and tugging me back toward her as she lowered herself onto the pillows.
Moving the blankets away from her so I could press my body against hers, she hitched her knees up around my hips, and a groan formed deep in my chest when I involuntarily rolled my hips against hers. When her hands moved down my back, and her fingers played with the bottom of my shirt, I planted my palms on the pillows around us and lifted myself off her enough that she could slowly inch my shirt up my body and over my head. One arm at a time, I untangled myself from the shirt, and the tips of her fingers grazed the muscles low on my torso, causing them to tighten.
Indy smiled against my kiss, but when her fingers dropped lower, I knew I needed to stop this before it could go any further. I wanted her. I wanted her so fucking bad my head was spinning. But there was still so much between us that I couldn’t do this to her—not yet.
Reaching down, I grabbed her hand and curled my fingers around hers as I moved her arm away. “We can’t,” I grumbled when I pulled back. I saw the heat and want in her green eyes and wanted to take that back. Yes. Yes, we fucking can.
“Why? You already know I’m not a virgin,” she whispered, her cheeks filling with heat.
“I know.”
Indy rolled her eyes and shot me a look. “Let me guess, are you going to follow this up with something along the lines of you think I’m not ready and you’re going to wait until I am?”
I smirked and kissed her quickly, biting down on her bottom lip as I pulled back again. “No, actually, I’m not.” She raised an eyebrow but waited for me to continue. Only problem was it took me a solid minute to think of a good enough reason not to go back to where we’d just been. “I’m not having sex with you in this house when I just passed Misha coming in here. And I’m not having sex with you in my house, because I’m not letting any of those guys hear what you sound like when I make you come.”
Her mouth opened with an audible huff, and her eyes widened. Her breathing deepened, and I dropped my head to kiss a line up her throat.
“So after finals next week, you’re packing a bag and we’re going someplace where it’ll just be us. When we get there, I’m not letting you leave the bed for days.” I listened to her breathing hitch before asking, “Now, are you okay with that?”
She swallowed and nodded, and I smiled against her soft skin before gently biting down on it. “Good.”