Nathan blew out his breath. The raw edge in Joe’s voice cut as deep as any knife wound he’d received. “You’re right. I’m an asshole. I’m sorry. I know it’s not enough but I’m sorry. I was coping the best I could. It’s a sorry excuse but I wasn’t ready to share Shea with anyone. There were days I convinced myself she wasn’t real and that I was an idiot for clinging to the belief that she was. And when she asked for my help and I knew she was in serious trouble, I just couldn’t wait. I had to go. I had to. She risked everything to save me. I couldn’t stand by and allow anything to happen to her.”
Joe studied him in silence for a long moment. “She means that much to you.”
Nathan slowly nodded. “Yeah, she does. I don’t expect you to understand, but she and I have something that I can’t even explain. I need her. And now she needs me.”
Joe jammed his thumbs into the pockets of his jeans. “Don’t pull this shit again, man. Swear to God, I’ll kick your fucking ass, and I don’t give a shit what kind of shape you’re in. You need my help, you goddamn ask for it.”
Nathan pressed his lips together to keep from smiling. “I’m asking now.”
Joe punched him in the shoulder. “Okay then. That’s better. Now let’s get the fuck on the road so you can fill me in on everything. And I mean everything.”
“Not going to hug me?” Nathan mocked.
Joe gave him a look of disgust. “Garrett’s turned into an emotional wuss since he hooked up with Sarah. I’ll let him do all the mamby-pamby shit. Besides, what you need is a swift kick in the ass. If you want a hug, go see Ma.”
Nathan laughed and started toward the SUVs, where Shea waited with the others. Relief was so stark that his knees shook. He was back. God, he was back. Home. With his brothers.
There was no sweeter feeling in the world. It had been a hell of a long journey, most of it of his own doing, but he was back, and with each passing day, he was beginning to feel whole again.
CHAPTER 28
NATHAN slid into the SUV beside Shea and instantly pulled her close to his body. Not resisting, she turned just enough that she could curl into his side and rest her cheek on his shoulder.
He softly kissed her brow. “Tired?”
She nodded.
“How’s your shoulder feeling?”
“It was just a little cut. It doesn’t hurt at all. Barely enough to worry over putting a Band-Aid on.”
The driver’s door opened and Sam got in, glancing in the rearview mirror as he keyed the ignition.
“How far to the safe house?” Nathan asked.
Sam leveled a stare at him. “We’re taking you home.”
Shea raised her head in confusion. Nathan stiffened beside her and shook his head in denial.
Sam held up his hand. “Before you start arguing, this isn’t negotiable. Van and I discussed this before you left Crescent City. We flew you here so that anyone monitoring flights out wouldn’t be led to our back door. It’s not the most expedient route home, but we’re more concerned with no one dogging our steps. I know you didn’t want to bring this to our doorstep, but we built that compound for a reason. We need to avail ourselves of the resources there, not be holed up in some damn safe house with our balls flapping in the wind.”
“Nice of him to let me know,” Nathan muttered.
Sam raised an eyebrow. “And you’ve been so cooperative so far? I told Van to do whatever the hell he had to do to get your asses on that plane. If you want to be pissed at someone, be pissed at me.”
Shea stared anxiously at Nathan. She hadn’t even realized she was squeezing his hand with bloodless fingers until he gently pried them away and then kissed each tip.
I don’t want you to worry, baby. Trust me. If you trust no one else, trust me and believe that I’ll keep you safe. What Sam says makes sense. I trust them with my life. With yours.
She leaned forward, touching her forehead to his shoulder.
It’s not just me I worry about. Or Grace even. I believe that you’ll protect me. That your family, your organization, will try to help Grace—and me. But what of your family? You didn’t want to bring me to them. You’re worried for them. Nothing has changed. If anything, things are more dangerous now. I never wanted to drag others into this mess that Grace and I are in. We just want to be…normal. Free. Free to live a normal life where we can see each other. Laugh and visit together. Be sisters.
How can I feel relief that I’ll be safe when others are risking danger to themselves to ensure that Grace and I are protected?
“That must be one long-ass conversation,” Garrett said.
Shea jerked around guiltily and caught Garrett staring at her and Nathan in avid interest. He’d known that they were communicating telepathically. She watched closely for his reaction but all she saw was curiosity.
“Are you two finished and can we get on the road now?” Sam drawled.
“Yes,” Nathan said.
“No,” Shea said at the exact same time.
“We’ll go with yes,” Garrett muttered and motioned for Sam to drive.
Shea’s lips tightened in irritation, but Nathan put a finger to her jaw and gently turned her back so she faced him.
“Listen to me,” he said in a low voice.
No, please, she begged. Not out loud. I don’t want them to overhear.
His expression softened and he trailed one finger down the side of her cheek. I want you with me. I want you to meet my family. You have to know that’s got to happen at some point. You’re important to me, Shea. Not just some job. I trust my brothers and I know damn well they’d never do anything that would place our family in danger. And Sam’s right. We need the KGI resources. Offense, not defense, remember?
I remember.
Is there some other reason you’re reluctant to go to Tennessee with me?
She hesitated, her chest tightening with an uncomfortable burn.
Shea?
I’m just confused. About us. What are we, Nathan? This whole situation has such a surreal quality. When it was just us, it was easy…
His brow furrowed. What was easy?
To pretend, she offered softly.
His gaze narrowed and a frown marred the line of his mouth. Exactly what are we pretending here?
She tried to ease away and sit back against the seat, but he hauled her over his lap so that her legs dangled in the seat between him and Swanny.
There was nowhere to go. No way to escape his burning gaze. He looked almost angry.
She sighed. It’s easy to pretend that we’re normal. That we have a chance at a normal…relationship. You know, go out on an actual date. You take me out to dinner. We make cutesy conversation. I try not to think about whether you’ll kiss me at the end of the night. I subtly check out your butt when you get up. Those are what normal people do. We don’t have a chance of any of those things. We don’t have a chance at a relationship.
She shook her head and rubbed her palm over her eyes. This whole conversation is ridiculous. I can’t even believe I’m saying this stuff. We don’t even know each other. It’s arrogant of me to even be telling you we don’t have a chance of anything. Who’s to say I’m anything more than an obligation to you?