Whit

'I didn't take it,' I said.  The note.  I had lost the note. 'I didn't take it,' I repeated, shaking my head, feeling the blood leave my face as I looked from Erin to Allan and then to Yolanda. 'I was given it.  It was in my bag.  My kit-bag.  I found it.  In there.  I found it.  Really…'

I sat down again, my legs wobbly.

'Oh dear,' Allan said, running fingers through his hair.

Erin put her hand over her eyes, shaking her head. 'Isis, Isis,' she said, looking away.

'What is this stuff?' Yolanda said. 'This one of Salvador's holy ointments?'

'It's the holy ointment,' Allan said, sounding tired.  He looked at Yolanda for a moment then gave a shrug. 'What it actually does…' he said awkwardly. '… I mean, it's very old… it's probably… The point is,' he said, leaning forward over the desk, 'Grandfather believes… he regards… he knows, in his own heart, that it is… effective.' Allan glanced at me.  He hit his chest with his fist.  'In here, Salvador knows that it works.  We respect that.' He glanced at me. 'We all respect that.'

'I didn't take it,' I said. 'It was in my bag.  I found it.  There was a note.'

'What?' Erin said.  Allan just closed his eyes.

'A note,' I said. 'A note from Salvador.'

'A note?' Erin said.  I could see the disbelief in her eyes, hear it in her voice.

'Yes,' I said. 'Well… it was signed with an "S".'

Allan and Erin exchanged looks. 'What did this note say?' Erin sighed.

'It just said, "In case you need it",' I told them. 'Then an "S".'

They exchanged looks again. 'It did!' I said. 'I think.  Something like that.  I think those were the words… or it was, "Just in case, S." Something… something similar…'

'Do you have this note?' Erin asked.

I shook my head. 'No,' I admitted. 'No.  It disappeared.  I think the police-'

'Don't, Isis,' Erin said, shaking her head and walking away with her hand over her eyes again. 'Don't.  Please don't do this.  Don't make it worse…'

Allan muttered something and shook his head.

'But it's true!' I said, looking from Erin to Yolanda, who patted my hand.

'I know, I know, honey; I believe you.'

'Isis,' Erin said, coming back over to me and taking one of my hands in hers. 'I really think you'd be better off just admitting you took the-'

'Look,' Yolanda said, 'if she says she didn't take the goddamn ointment, she didn't, okay?'

'Sister Yolanda,-'

'And I ain't your goddamn sister.'

'Isis,' Erin said earnestly, turning from my grandmother to me and taking both my hands in hers. 'Don't do this.  Your Grandfather's terribly upset.  If you just confess-'

'What, are you fucking Catholics now?'

'Isis!' Erin said, ignoring my grandmother.  I had looked at Yolanda and now Erin jerked my hands, turning me back to her. 'Isis; make a clean breast of it; just say you took it on impulse; say you thought it was something else; say you-'

'But none of that's true!' I protested. 'I found the vial in my bag, with a note tied to it.  Well, not tied to it; it was a rubber band-'

'Isis!' Erin said, shaking me again. 'Stop!  You're only digging yourself in deeper!'

'No I'm not!  I'm telling the truth!  I'm not going to lie!'

Erin threw my hands down and walked off to the smaller desk.  She stood there, one of her hands up at her face, her shoulders shaking.

Yolanda patted my arm again. 'You just tell it like it is, kid.  You just tell the truth and the hell with them all.'

'Isis,' Allan said leadenly.  I turned to him, still with a sense that things were happening in some strange, slowing fluid that was all around me. 'I can't…' He took a deep breath. 'Look,' he said. 'I'll,' he glanced at the doors, 'I'll have a word with Salvador, okay?  Perhaps he'll have calmed down a bit, later.  Then maybe you and he could… you know, talk.  You have to decide what you're going to say.  I can't tell you what to say, but he is really really upset and… Well, you just have to decide what's best.  I…' He shook his head, stared down at his hands clasped on the desk. 'I don't know what to make of all this, it's just… it's like everything's…' He gave a small, despairing laugh. 'We must all just pray, and to trust to God.  Listen to Them, Isis.  Listen to what They say.'

'Yes,' I said, drying my eyes with my sleeve, and then with a handkerchief Yolanda produced.  I straightened. 'Yes, of course.'

Allan glanced at the office clock, high on one wall. 'We'd better give him till this evening.  Will you be in your room?' he asked.

I nodded.  'I may go for a walk first, but, later, yes.'

'Okay.' He raised his flat hands from the desk's surface and let them fall back again. 'We'll see what we can do.'

'Thank you,' I said, sniffing and handing my grandmother back her handkerchief.  I nodded to her and we turned to go.

Erin was still standing staring down at the desk by the door.  I paused, dug into my jacket pocket and took out a roll of pound notes bound with a little rubber band.  I placed the roll on the desk and added two one-pence pieces from a trouser pocket.  Erin looked at the money.

'Twenty-seven pounds, two pence,' I said.

'Well done,' Erin said flatly.  Yolanda and I left the room.

* * *

'I guess a lawyer wouldn't be appropriate,' Yolanda said as we went downstairs.

'I don't think so, Grandma.'

'Well, first thing we should do is drive to the hotel, or into Stirling at any rate, and have us some lunch.  I need a margarita.'

'Thanks, Grandma,' I said, stopping to face her as we got to the bottom of the stairs.  I squeezed her hand. 'But I think I'd just like to… you know, be by myself for a bit.'

She looked hurt. 'You want me to go, is that it?'

I tried to work out how to say what it was I wanted to say. 'I need to think, Yolanda.  I need…' I breathed in hard, gaze flickering over the walls, the ceiling and back down the stairs again until I looked at my grandmother again. 'I need to think myself back into the person I am when I'm here, do you know what I mean?'

She nodded. 'I guess so.'

'You've done so much for me,' I told her. 'I hate-'

'Forget it.  You sure you don't want me to stick around?'

'Really, no.' I gave a brave smile. 'You go and see Prague; go and see your red diamond.'

'Fuck the diamond.  And Prague will still be there.'

'Honestly; it'd be better.  I won't feel I've disrupted your life totally too.' I gave a small laugh and looked around with an expression that spoke of an optimism I didn't feel.  'This'll all get sorted out.  Just one of those daft things that comes along in a place like this where everybody lives on top of each other all the time; storm in a tea cup.  Storm in a thimble.' I fashioned what I hoped was a cheeky grin.

Yolanda looked serious. 'You just look out, Isis,' she told me, putting her hand on my shoulder and lowering her head a little as she fixed her gaze upon me.  It was a curiously affecting gesture. 'It ain't never been all sweetness and light here, honey,' she told me. 'You've always seen the best of it, and it's only now you're getting the shitty end of the stick.  But it's always been there.' She patted my shoulder. 'You watch out for Salvador.  Old Zhobelia once told me…' She hesitated. 'Well, I don't rightly know exactly what it was she was trying to hint at, to tell the truth, but it was something, for sure.  Something your Grandfather had to hide; something she knew about him.'

'They were… they were married,' I said, falteringly. 'The three of them were married.  I imagine that they had lots of little secrets between them…'