Whit

He hunched over his knees again. 'I suppose it isn't necessary any more.'

'Good,' I said. 'I'm afraid I won't be taking a fully active part in the Festival of Love, either, not that I need to; Morag and Ricky will be getting married at the Festival.  I don't feel ready for that myself, yet.  I don't know that I'll ever feel ready for that.  We'll see.' I paused, then continued. 'I'm sorry.'

He seemed not to have heard me, then just shrugged and shook his head.

'Whatever you want,' he said quietly.

'Good,' I said, and felt a strange, hard elation course through me. 'So,' I said, putting my hands on my knees. 'Shall we head back?'

'Yes,' he said, standing when I stood.  In the skies above us a lark trilled.

'We'll go to the library and call Allan to us there,' I said. 'See which way he's going to jump.  All right?'

'All right,' he said, his voice flat.

'Good.' I started down the path, then became aware that he wasn't following me.  I turned and found him looking at me with a strange half-smile on his lips. 'Yes, Grandfather?' I said.

He nodded as though to himself, and his eyes narrowed.  I felt a twinge of fear, thinking that perhaps he was taking this all too calmly and that he was about to break down, to shout and scream or even to try to attack me physically.

I tensed, ready to run.

His smile widened and his gaze roved over my face, as though he was only now really seeing me for the first time.  With what might have been admiration in his voice, he said, 'Aye.' He nodded again. 'Aye, you're my grandchild, all right, aren't you?'

We looked into each other's eyes for a moment, then I smiled and held out my arm.  He hesitated, then took it and we walked slowly, arm-in-arm, back to the house.

CHAPTER TWENTY - NINE

'What?' Allan shouted.

'Confession,' I said calmly. 'Or exile.  I want you to stand in front of everyone, this evening, and confess you tricked them and manipulated them, lied about me, lied to me, lied to Morag, lied to our Founder, lied to everybody.'

'Well… fuck you, little sister!' Allan roared, storming away from where I stood by the windows with Morag, Sophi and Ricky and striding from one end of the library to the other, his splayed hand tearing through his hair.  He turned and whirled round by Grandfather's seat; Grandfather was sitting in a chair by the closed door to the hall.  Zhobelia was still in the schoolroom, talking to the children.  The meeting for the Full Moon Service was still in abeyance; Calli was reading from the Orthography while we had our conclave in the library, next door to the schoolroom.  I felt good here, surrounded by the books and their lingering musty smell.

Allan dropped to his knees in front of our Grandfather and put his hands on the arms of his chair, shaking it. 'Salvador!  Founder!  Grandfather!' he shouted. 'Don't let her do this!  Can't you see what she's up to?'

Grandfather shook his head and looked away.  He muttered something but I didn't catch what it was.

Allan threw himself back up and came striding towards me, one fist clenched and raised by his shoulder.  Ricky, who had apparently accepted that Allan was the bad 'un in all this, growled and stepped forward.  Allan stopped a few paces away.  He was dressed in grey robes of a similar cut to Grandfather's.

I looked my brother in the eye, keeping my expression neutral and my voice steady. 'I want you to admit you took the zhlonjiz and put it in my kit-bag, Allan,' I continued. 'And you'll admit you've been using a portable phone here in the heart of the Community to arrange all your lies and deceptions and manipulate people like Morag and Uncle Mo.'

'Ha!' Allan said, laughing. 'I will, will I?  And that's all, is it?'

'No,' I said. 'I also want you to confess you lied about my attempting to seduce Grandfather and that you tried to influence him and the revisions of the Orthography for your own selfish, political purposes.'

'You're mad!' he exclaimed, his voice rising in pitch.  He looked round all of us, his eyes wide, his face shining with sweat, his chest heaving in and out.  He laughed again. 'She's mad!' he told Sophi, Morag and Ricky.  He turned back and looked at Salvador, who was gazing at his grandson now. 'She's mad!  She's fucking mad, I'm telling you!  Do you hear what she's saying?  I mean, are you listening to all this?'

'Do you deny any of it?' Salvador asked coldly.

'All of it!' Allan yelled, spinning round to glare at me.

I looked slowly at Morag, who was standing at my side.  She was frowning at Allan, her arms folded.  Allan looked from Morag's face to mine and then back.  He blinked rapidly.

'Perhaps, Grandfather,' I said, 'you'd like to ask my brother for the key to his desk in the office.  It was on the chain round his neck, last time I saw it.'

'Well, Allan?' Grandfather said.

Allan turned round to face our Grandfather again. 'Look,' he said, and took a deep breath.  He gave a small, nervous laugh. 'Look, all right; I have got the phone.  Yes, I mean, big deal.  Big fucking deal.  I've used it for everybody's good.  Everybody's.  Plus, it's there for emergencies… And yes, all right, there might have been some crossed lines with the letters from Morag, but Grandad-'

I found myself striding down the room to him.

He must have heard me coming; he turned round and my forearms thudded into his chest as I gathered two balls of material from his robes into my fists; my momentum carried him two tottering steps backwards until his shoulders thumped into the library door, just to the side of where Grandfather sat.  I glared up into Allan's face; his eyes were wide, his breath rushed out of his open mouth and struck my face.

I pressed into him, my whole body quivering with rage.

'Listen, Brother,' I hissed, grasping his robes tighter and shaking him. 'I don't think you've really understood the situation.  I know what you've been doing, I know what your plans were and now so does Grandfather.  Everything I'm doing now and everything I'm saying now has Grandfather's authority.  Everything.  Is that right, Grandfather?' I said, without looking at him.

I watched Allan's eyes tear their gaze away from mine to look imploringly down and to the side.

Quietly, our Grandfather said, 'Yes, that's right, Isis.'

Allan's gaze swung back to me.  I could see sweat on his top lip now.  His eyes looked very big.

'Is it starting to register now, big brother?' I asked. 'It's every damn thing I say or nothing; there's no negotiations, no talks, no compromises, no deals.  You just do exactly as I say, exactly as Grandfather says, or you're out!' I pushed him back against the door, banging his head off the wood. 'Understand?' I shook him again.  I think I was trying to lift him off his feet but he was too heavy for me.  It was only my anger and his surprise that was letting me pin him here at all.

He stared into my eyes.  He looked pale.  His breath smelled of mint.  He swallowed.  I felt him bring his hands up to mine, trying to free his robes from my grip. 'Hey, Is,' he said, his voice small and shaky. 'Come on; you're taking this kind of hard, aren't you?  I mean-'

'You piece of shit!' I said, the rage shining like a white star inside me. 'You tried to destroy my life here; you want to pervert everything this Community's stood for and you've lied to every single one of us, all for your own slimy ends and you think I'm going to take it as a joke?'

I let go with one hand, but just to pull down on his robes with the other fist so that my free hand could grip the chain with the key on it.  I pulled the chain off; he yelped as it parted somewhere behind his head.  I stepped back and he stood there, rubbing his neck and glaring at me.  Muscles quivered at the hinges of his jaw beneath his ears.