‘Are you all right, Brother Millat?’ asked Abdul-Colin with concern as the tube doors slid open. ‘You have gone a nasty colour.’
‘Fine, fine,’ said Millat, and did a credible impression of being fine because hash just isn’t like drink; no matter how bad it is, you can always, at some level, pull your shit together. To prove this theory to himself, he walked in a slow but confident fashion down the carriage and took a seat at the very end of the line of Brothers, between Shiva and some excitable Australians heading for the Hippodrome.
Shiva, unlike Abdul-Jimmy, had had his share of wild times and could spot the tell-tale red-eye from a distance of fifty yards.
‘Millat, man,’ he said under his breath, confident he couldn’t be heard by the rest of the Brothers above the noise of the train. ‘What have you been doing to yourself?’
Millat looked straight ahead and spoke to his reflection in the train window. ‘I’m preparing myself.’
‘By getting messed up?’ hissed Shiva. He peered at the photocopy of Sura 52 he hadn’t quite memorized. ‘Are you crazy? It’s hard enough to remember this stuff without being on the planet Mars while you’re doing it.’
Millat swayed slightly, and turned to Shiva with a mistimed lunge. ‘I’m not preparing myself for that. I’m preparing myself for action. Because no one else will do it. We lose one man and you all betray the cause. You desert. But I stand firm.’
Shiva fell silent. Millat was referring to the recent ‘arrest’ of Brother Ibrāhām ad-Din Shukrallah on trumped up charges of tax evasion and civil disobedience. No one took the charges seriously, but everybody knew it was a not-so gentle warning from the Metropolitan Police that they had their eye trained on KEVIN activities. In the light of this, Shiva had been the first one to beat a retreat from the agreed Plan A, quickly followed by Abdul-Jimmy and Hussein-Ishmael, who, despite his desire to wreak violence upon somebody, anybody, had his shop to think about. For a week the argument raged (with Millat firmly defending Plan A), but on the 26th Abdul-Colin, Tyrone and finally Hifan conceded that Plan A might not be in KEVIN’s long-term interest. They could not, after all, put themselves in an imprisonment situation unless they were secure in the knowledge that KEVIN had leaders to replace them. So Plan A was off. Plan B was hastily improvised. Plan B involved the seven KEVIN representatives standing up halfway through Marcus Chalfen’s press conference and quoting Sura 52, ‘The Mountain’, first in Arabic (Abdul-Colin alone would do this) and then in English. Plan B made Millat sick.
‘And that’s it? You’re just going to read to him? That’s his punishment?’
What happened to revenge? What happened to just desserts, retribution, jihad?
‘Do you suggest,’ Abdul-Colin solemnly inquired, ‘that the word of Allah as given to the Prophet Muhammad – Salla Allahu ’Alaihi Wa Sallam – is not sufficient?’
Well, no. And so even though it sickened him, Millat had to step aside. In place of the questions of honour, sacrifice, duty, the life and death questions that came with the careful plotting of clan warfare, the very reasons Millat joined KEVIN – in place of these, came the question of translation. Everybody agreed that no translation of the Qur’ān could claim to be the word of God, but at the same time everybody conceded that Plan B would lose something in the delivery if no one could understand what was being said. So the question was which translation and why. Would it be one of the untrusty but clear Orientalists: Palmer (1880), Bell (1937- 9), Arberry (1955), Dawood (1956)? The eccentric but poetic J. M. Rodwell (1861)? The old favourite, passionate, dedicated Anglican convert par excellence Muhammad Marmaduke Pickthall (1930)? Or one of the Arab brothers, the prosaic Shakir or the flamboyant Yusuf Ali? Five days they argued it. When Millat walked into the Kilburn Hall of an evening he had only to squint to mistake this talkative circle of chairs, these supposed fanatic fundamentalists, for an editorial meeting at the London Review of Books.
‘But Dawood is a plod!’ Brother Hifan would argue vehemently. ‘I refer you to 52:44: If they saw a part of heaven falling down, they would still say: “It is but a mass of clouds!” Mass of clouds? It is not a rock concert. At least with Rodwell there is some attempt to capture the poetry, the remarkable nature of the Arabic: And should they see a fragment of the heaven falling down, they would say, “It is only a dense cloud.” Fragment, dense – the effect is far stronger, accha?’
And then, haltingly, Mo Hussein-Ishmaeclass="underline" ‘I am just a butcher-stroke-cornershop-owner. I can’t claim to know much about it. But I like very much this last line; it is Rodwell… er, I think, yes, Rodwell. 52:49: And in the night-season: Praise him when the stars are setting. Night-season. I think that is a lovely phrase. It sounds like an Elvis ballad. Much better than the other one, the Pickthall one: And in the night-time also hymn His praise, and at the setting of the stars. Night-season is very much lovelier.’
‘And is this what we are here for?’ Millat had yelled at all of them. ‘Is this what we joined KEVIN for? To take no action? To sit around on our arses playing with words?’
But Plan B stuck, and here they were, whizzing past Finchley Road, heading to Trafalgar Square to carry it out. And this was why Millat was stoned. To give him enough guts to do something else.
‘I stand firm,’ said Millat, in Shiva’s ear, slurring his words, ‘that is what we’re here for. To stand firm. That is why I joined. Why did you join?’
Well, in fact Shiva had joined KEVIN for three reasons. First, because he was sick of the stick that comes with being the only Hindu in a Bengali Muslim restaurant. Secondly, because being Head of Internal Security for KEVIN beat the hell out of being second waiter at the Palace. And thirdly, for the women. (Not the KEVIN women, who were beautiful but chaste in the extreme, but all the women on the outside who had despaired of his wild ways and were now hugely impressed by his new asceticism. They loved the beard, they dug the hat, and told Shiva that at thirty-eight he had finally ceased to be a boy. They were massively attracted by the fact that he had renounced women and the more he renounced them, the more successful he became. Of course this equation could only work so long, and now Shiva was getting more pussy than he ever had as a kaffir.) However, Shiva sensed that the truth was not what was required here, so he said: ‘To do my duty.’