As the sound of Dante’s footsteps faded away, Jaime began to cry even harder into her pillow. At this point, her jaw was aching and her throat was hurting, but she couldn’t stop. Even though she could barely breathe through the tears and her eyes were beginning to sting, she simply couldn’t stop.
A part of her hadn’t wanted him to go, had wanted to let him in her room and in her body, and just let being second best be good enough. For a while it really had been enough, but the more she grew to care about him, the harder it was to be satisfied with just that. She didn’t want him to give up his role as Beta or to neglect his duties. She just wanted him to want her the way she wanted him.
Wanted to come first in his heart. The sad fact was that she didn’t even come close.
What happened the night before had brought home just how far down she was on his list of priorities. No matter how busy he was, it wouldn’t have been too hard to take one minute out of his day to answer her calls. But she’d accepted his apology, had given him the benefit of the doubt. Then she’d spent most of her day excited about tonight, about getting to have some time with him to have fun. All she’d had to look forward to was Dante wearing a vacant expression while she went totally unheard.
But when his ex-half-mate came over, he was all smiles for her. She easily got his attention and then managed to keep it so well that he hadn’t even noticed when Jaime walked away. Laurie had noticed, and she’d seemed extremely smug about it. Any other time Jaime might have answered her wolf’s urge to skin the bitch alive, but Jaime had known the tears were coming and damn if she’d have cried in front of everyone like that.
It was the first time in her life that she’d experienced a “flight” instinct. How ironic was it that the one person who was supposed to make her feel safe and secure was the one person who had made her want to run away?
That thought just about broke her. Not even attempting to fight the tears, she cried herself to sleep.
Jaime squirmed slightly as a big, hard body covered over her back and molded itself around her.
The cocktail of pine needles, cinnamon spice, and sandalwood that filled her nostrils made her smile. She knew that scent, would know it anywhere. Of course she would. This wolf was hers.
She hummed as he pressed a feather-light kiss to her nape. The feel of his hot breath on her skin made a shiver run down her spine, and she jerked slightly.
“Shh, baby. Relax for me.” When she did, he kissed the side of her neck lightly, rewardingly. “Good girl. My good girl.” Gently, he planted more feather-light kisses on as much of her neck as he could reach. Occasionally he nipped the skin or licked at the bite marks there, making her moan.
Feeling his hard cock pressing against her ass—oh yes, please, she’d like some of that—she pushed back against it, suddenly wishing they weren’t wearing any clothes. He groaned into her neck and began rocking against her, which caused her clit to rub against the bed each time. A white-hot surge of pleasure ran down her spine, and her breathing quickened. She’d been wet since almost the second she scented him, and now she was aching for him. When she felt his mouth at her cheek, she turned her face to his.
He flicked his tongue out to tease hers. “Hungry, baby?” She nodded. “Tell me you forgive me.”
Jaime frowned. Forgive him? Forgive him for what?
“I’m sorry,” he whispered into her ear before nibbling on the lobe. “I hate that I made you cry.”
Cry? He hadn’t made her cry, why would he—
Jaime’s eyes flipped open, and all at once reality hit her. Ohhhhhh, the bastard. She struggled and twisted under him, growling and cursing. He lowered his body down even more on hers, trapping her there, and used his hands to pin hers to the bed. Had she been lying on her back, she would have been able to bite the fucker. Recalling every combat move she knew, she repeatedly attempted to turn the tables and gain the upper hand. As her trainer, he knew every damn move she was going to try, and he was prepared for every single one.
Eventually she stopped struggling, begrudgingly accepting it was useless. Her wolf was utterly pissed about that. “I locked the door.”
“A locked door isn’t going to keep me away from you,” he said softly as he brushed his lips over to her nape and raked his teeth lightly over the skin. What he wanted to do was bite her hard, mark her again so that she understood who she belonged to, but he knew that throwing his dominance around wasn’t going to help here. Even his wolf understood that. He’d messed up, he’d hurt her, and now he needed to fix it.
“The point is I don’t want to see you.”
“I know.” He gently kissed her neck once more. “And I don’t blame you. But we need to talk.”
“You know what? We really don’t.”
“Do you have any idea how good it feels finishing work every night and coming back to find you right there in our bed? I don’t want to lose that.” It was strange how quickly he’d come to think of his room as their room and his bed as their bed.
“Only because you like having sex on tap.”
Dante bit her ear punishingly. “That’s not what I mean and you know it.” He kissed his way along her neck and over to her bare shoulder, glad she’d worn the strapless dress. He needed access to as much of her skin as he could to keep himself calm. Of course it was also making him harder than he already was. “If I was less selfish, I’d do what you want and let you go. If I was decent, I’d stand back and let you find a guy who’s better for you. But, see, the thing is…I wouldn’t let that guy live. So we need to work this out.”
“What’s the point? We’re barely ever together anyway.”
He couldn’t help feeling a little defensive. “I warned you my job was demanding.”
“It’s more than that. You hardly ever delegate. You’re always doing jobs that you don’t really need to do. You obsess over unfinished stuff. Even when you are with me, you’re constantly checking your e-mails on your BlackBerry or making calls. It’s like you feel compelled to be busy all the time.
I’m worried that you’ll burn out at some point.”
“Are you saying you want me to give up my position?” It was the one thing he’d been waiting for, the one thing he’d dreaded. Her response surprised him.
“No, absolutely not. I’m not giving you an ultimatum here. I’d never do that. I’m just explaining why I can’t be in this relationship—if you could call it that. You can’t have any idea how hard it is to be snuggled up to someone who you know is thinking about being somewhere else. I honestly thought I could handle it, Dante, but I can’t. I can’t handle coming second. If I didn’t care about you as much as I do, maybe I could.”
Hearing that she cared about him made him want to smile even as the tears in her voice made him want to punch himself. He kissed her neck again, unable to get enough of the sun-kissed taste of her skin. “You don’t come second. Don’t ever think that.”
“What else am I supposed to think? I can understand that you have to work a lot, I get that and I accept it. But you never make any time for me and you. When we are together, we don’t do anything together other than train and fuck.” She felt him flinch. “It’s true, Dante. That’s not a relationship. It makes me a booty call, and I deserve better than that.”
A heavy sigh escaped him. “You’re right. You do deserve better. I honestly didn’t realize that I was reducing our relationship to that. The thing is, I’m relatively new at this, and I’m just taking my cues from you. I’m not used to being part of a couple, to having to make time for another person and constantly consider them—”