“Because you hold yourself back.”
“What?”
“You use your job as an excuse to avoid emotional intimacy. At first, I thought you knew, I thought that you’d open up a little now that we’re together. But you truly don’t realize that you do it, do you?”
He went to object to her claim, but he couldn’t. She was right. He did do that, and he had been doing it for a long time without even realizing it. Totally off-center, he buried his face in her hair, inhaling the familiar and comforting vanilla smell of her shampoo.
“I can understand why you do it. In all honestly, I’m not sure that I’d have been able to get into another relationship if someone I’d partly imprinted with had betrayed me and left me— and to be with my sibling. The fact that you’re even trying astonishes me. Especially when you obviously still love her,” she added, swallowing hard.
He lifted his head, frowning. “What? No—”
“I saw the way you were with her. You couldn’t take your damn eyes off her.” Her wolf growled at the memory.
Loosening his hold on her hands, he began massaging her palms with his thumbs. “I know I probably acted a bit weird, but it was just the shock. The last thing I’d expected was to see her. I felt nothing for her, Jaime. Nothing. My wolf wasn’t interested in her either.” Although her instincts told her he was being truthful, Jaime couldn’t quite believe that. “You gave her more attention than you did me. God, you didn’t even notice me leaving.” He winced. “Like I said, I was caught off guard, and she was telling me all about my nephew and, well, I was interested. Just like I’m interested in knowing Josh’s baby despite not having much of an interest in Josh himself. I don’t believe kids should pay for their parents’ mistakes.” She wondered if he was aware that he was talking about himself. “Yeah, well, your nephew sure looks like you.”
He knew what she was getting at. “He’s not mine.”
“You asked her?”
“No. But I know that Blane wouldn’t have kept him around unless he was sure the kid was his.
Besides, I’d have smelled the pregnancy on her before she left me. There’s no mistaking the smell of a pregnant shifter.”
Okay, he did have a point there. She might have thought of that herself if jealousy hadn’t been taunting her.
“I know I behaved like a dick tonight. It wasn’t fair to you that I let myself be distracted by thoughts of work—”
“—and Bitch Face.”
“And Bitch Face,” he allowed, stifling a smile. He had no idea how Jaime could think he wanted anyone but her. He’d assumed she knew how much he needed her, but then why would she?
He hadn’t told her, hadn’t even hinted at it. Instead, by working so much and so hard, he’d given her the impression that she came second to him.
It occurred to him then that if he didn’t give her those words, he really would lose her. “It’s a good thing that you care about me, baby, because I care about you. A lot. I’m not going anywhere. I can’t give you up, Jaime, and I won’t. Now that I’m aware that I’m holding back from you, I can focus on changing it.”
“I don’t think you can. You’re constantly stuck in Beta mode. You let your job define you.
Your job isn’t who you are, Dante, it’s what you do. There’s a difference, but you don’t see that.” He thought about that for a second and then sighed. “You’re right. Everything you’ve said has been right. Not that Rhett and the guys haven’t already said that to me a thousand times. I just never really thought of it as a problem. But that was when I didn’t have you to think about. You have needs and I’m not meeting them, and that’s not acceptable to either of us. Give me a chance to fix this, baby.
I’ll do what I can to ease my job commitments. I’ll start delegating more and making sure we get more time together and—”
“Don’t try to make huge changes,” she interrupted, touched by the gesture and feeling her anger begin to melt. “That’ll never work. And I’m not asking you to make big changes, I never did. I just wanted to appear in your schedule somewhere.”
“From now on you will,” he vowed, lifting his weight to flip her onto her back so that she could see the seriousness in his gaze. “When I plan schedules for me and the enforcers, you’re going on mine—right there in black and white. You were right when you said that sometimes I do stuff I don’t really need to do. I just have this…urge to be doing something, to keep busy. But I’ll work on it —no pun intended. I’ll finish at a certain time each evening, okay? I can’t say that I won’t be called out occasionally to do things or sort things out. It’s part of my job. But I’ll make time for you, for us.” As he stared down at her with a hint of desperation in his eyes, he seemed so lonely and lost.
He looked at her as if she was his lifeline, as if he really did need her. Jaime never would have guessed that this relationship was so important to him. Never would have imagined that he was prepared to make these kinds of changes to his life. She felt even more of her anger fizzle away.
When she didn’t speak, Dante felt himself beginning to panic. His wolf was equally anxious.
He dropped his forehead to hers. “I know I’m a little fucked up. Don’t give up on me, baby. I’m not saying that things will suddenly be perfect. I’m a guy, and guys can be stupid. I admit I need the room to mess up a little. I can’t promise I won’t piss you off again, but I can promise you that I’ll never deliberately hurt you. Nothing is more important to me than you. Nothing.” Why did he have to say stuff like that and wear that vulnerable expression when she was trying to stay mad at him? Earlier, she had been resolute on the decision that their relationship was over. But hearing him say these things, knowing that he cared about her and was prepared to make so many changes to his life in order to make this work…It was hard to hold out against that. Oh and now he was delivering sensual licks to her neck, knowing perfectly well how it made her melt. “That’s a low move.”
He chuckled. “I’m not above using sneaky methods. You know, when I was five, my dad told me that if I hadn’t been the runt of the litter, I’d have made a good Beta. He said that even when I was a toddler I had a one-track mind, that if there was something I wanted, nothing would distract me from trying to get it. And now I want you. And I can promise you right now that if you tell me you still want to end this, I won’t leave you alone. I’ll do everything I can to wear you down. I’ll stalk you until you cry, panic, and give in.”
She tried not to smile in amusement, but it was hopeless. Trying to resist him was hopeless.
“You know, before you, I worked even longer hours and I didn’t make time for anything else.
Everybody thought I couldn’t possibly have been happy to work so hard, but I was. It wasn’t until you that I realized I hadn’t been happy at all. I’d been sort of content, but that’s not the same thing as being happy. Not really. You answer a kind of… need inside me that I hadn’t known I had. Do you hear me?
I need you. I’d never imagined saying that to another person. If you’d have asked me to choose between you or my job, I’d have chosen you, baby.”
As she saw the truth in his gaze, tears stung her eyes. She combed her fingers through his hair.
“You are so good with that mouth.”
He grinned, but he couldn’t relax until he’d heard her say that she wasn’t going to leave him.
“Does this mean you forgive me, that you’ll give me a chance to fix this?” She released a long-suffering sigh. “I guess so.”